Bless You, Joe!

I have no idea how you replace someone like Joe Bowen, but Rogers has about a year to figure it out. Yes, we’ve hit another day I thought would never come.

After 44 Years of being the Voice of your Toronto Maple Leafs, I have decided that the 2025-26 Season will be my last behind the microphone. I have been totally blessed to be able to do “My Dream Job” for this long, eclipsing the career of my idol Foster Hewitt. I will reach over 3800 games some time this season. Thanks so very much to all who have made this wonderful career possible! Len Bramson and Telemedia Sports for giving a Sudbury native the chance of a lifetime and all who have followed at MLSE and various radio stations who allowed me to continue in this dream job. I have worked with the absolute best at my side in the booth, Harry Neale for 12 seasons, but none better than my partner of 28 years, Jim Ralph. Most of all, thank you to the loyal group know as Leaf Nation, for allowing me to invade your vehicle, family room and hearts over these wonderful years! Your support, and interaction has been what has made this “job” so wonderful! You are the most loyal and demonstrative fans on the face of the earth!! I can not THANK YOU enough!!! I sincerely hope that this will be the “One Before I Am Done” Season for the Leafs as they chase that elusive Cup!

If we were playing word association and you said “Leafs”, there’s a very good chance that my answer would be “Joe Bowen”. More than any player they’ve had in my lifetime, Joe, Bob Cole, Harry Neale and Jim Ralph are the Leafs to me. I’m the same way with Tom Cheek and Jerry Howarth when it comes to the Blue Jays.

He’s been calling their games for about as long as I’ve been alive, and it’s going to be really, really strange when he’s gone. Whoever does replace him, I hope that person has half the energy and passion that Joe does. Seriously, if there’s anyone who puts more of himself into calling a game, I haven’t heard that person.

I guess this is the part where I say HOLY MACKINAW! WHAT A CAREER!

You Should Try The App I Use. It’s Called Blanket

I’m worlds better than I used to be, but I’m still not anything close to what you’d call a champion sleeper. Even now, there are nights when it’s just not happening for me no matter what I do. Sometimes the problem is too much noise outside. Sometimes it’s weird dreams. Sometimes it’s headaches or my plugged nose, which have given me trouble my whole life. And sometimes I have no idea what the matter is.

But you know what the matter has never, ever been? My stupid, overpriced, AI-ridden bed being too cold for comfort because the app isn’t working.

YouTuber Theo “t3.gg” Browne had a bizarre — and hilariously 21st-century — reason for suffering through a sleepless night.
“Woke up because my AI-controlled bed is too cold,” the San Francisco-based content creator wrote in a tweet that has since gone viral.
Browne owns an intelligent mattress cooling system called Pod3, created by sleep tech company Eight Sleep. It boasts a host of sensors that track biometrics, including heart rate and sleep stages. An optional cooling cover cycles cooled or heated water through embedded coils, allowing sleepers to either raise or lower the temperature as needed.

Unsurprisingly, things don’t always go according to plan, especially given the level of technical complexity involved.
“Went to adjust temperature and I can’t because the Eight Sleep app is currently broken,” Browne wrote, seething that the situation was “unacceptable.”
“Now I am stuck in a cold bed,” he added. “This feels dystopian.”

At present, I am grappling with two thoughts. I am, of course, angry that this exists and that someone spent thousands of dollars worth of perfectly good money including a monthly subscription on it instead of doing something helpful like donating to charity. But I also must confess that I might sleep the tiniest bit easier tonight knowing that no matter what might have gone wrong for me today or how badly I may feel about myself because of it, I am far from the dumbest fuck in the world and that a far dumber one is having a more miserable time than I am simply because he is dumb. We spend entirely too much time rewarding dumbfuckery these days especially when it’s rich, so while this is a small victory, I’ll happily take one where I can get one.

How I Learned To Eat Soup, And To Waste Some Dickhead’s Day

It’s been a while, but I’ve finally come across another good use for AI. Building an army of bots and setting it loose on scam call centres!

One person tying up one other person for a while is fine and all, but in the grand scheme,that’s a fight you’re never going to win if the goal is to really disrupt the operation. But if you had, say, 12 or 15 different versions of you that never needed a break, now we’re talking. We’re talking and talking and talking and talking and talking…

Fighting scammers with the world’s first AI call center to disrupt scams!

I’ve been working on this project for over 5 years now and it’s exciting to share it with you all. Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me!

Just Send The Money, Ya Arseholes

As a person with a disability, I should probably have strong opinions on the new Canada Disability Benefit. I don’t, really. A couple extra grand a year isn’t going to fix a whole lot of anything if you’re looking at things systemically since disability rates in this country tend towards being so low they ought to be illegal, but on an individual level, it certainly can’t hurt. Anecdotally, I know for absolute certain that there are folks for whom the $200 more each month will make a difference. Maybe they can eat a little better. Maybe they can buy some new clothes. Maybe, over time, those little bumps can translate into bigger and better things for some. But it ain’t going to help anyone suddenly be able to afford expensive, ongoing necessary services or medical treatments that governments have chosen not to cover, so plenty of people are still going to be left with their biggest problems unsolved. Basically, the disabled are going to be right where we’ve always been, but with a few extra sandwiches to show for it. It’s not nothing, but a society as wealthy as ours is capable of so much more.

I guess that’s an opinion.

While I’m having those, here’s the one I originally opened this post for. Why in the world do people have to apply for this thing?

The benefit is available to persons with disabilities between the ages of 18 and 64 who meet several requirements.
Some of these requirements include qualifying for the disability tax credit (DTC), filing a 2024 income tax return with the Canada Revenue Agency, or having a spouse or common-law partner who has also filed their 2024 income tax return, if applicable.

Eligible Canadians can apply starting June 20 online, by phone or in person at a Service Canada office.
Applicants will need a social insurance number (SIN) and direct deposit information.

If I’ve filed my taxes, why should I have to do anything else to get what I’m owed? Why must I fill out an extra form to give the government information it already has? It knows whether I’m claiming the disability tax credit. It knows how much money I made and whether or not that entitles me to something like the GST rebate, which is then automatically applied. It knows whether I’m single or married. It knows whether or not I’m a citizen. It has my SIN number. It knows how to send me direct deposits. That’s how I get my refunds. It’s how I get my carbon rebate, or at least it was until we decided we don’t care about the climate anymore. Long story short, there’s a lot of info in there and the government can do a lot with it without needing any more of my help.

But if you’re still not convinced and would like to argue that an extra application is required, then please make sure that part of your argument contains an explanation for this bit here.

The federal government will also send letters in June to eligible Canadians to apply. The letters will include a unique application code and instructions on how to apply.
According to the program’s website, Canadians who do not receive a letter but believe they are eligible can still apply. To do so, they must provide a mailing address and their net income (line 23600) from their 2024 notice of assessment.

YOU KNOW I’M ELIGIBLE! JUST APPLY ME, DAMMIT!

All of this is silly at best and mean spirited at worst. On my end it feels like an unnecessary hoop, and on the government’s end it sure looks a lot like unnecessary busywork. Instead of having someone sitting there sorting applications, have him sit there with a list of people with valid disability tax credits. If the government is in possession of a database that’s worth a fuck, it should be fairly simple from there to match those people with their tax returns and then sort the yeses and the nos. If you’re actually serious about getting this money into the hands of people who need it, just get it there. Don’t slow walk it and make life that much harder on people for whom things are already plenty hard enough.

Best News Bloopers For May 2025


I’m impressed by the guy on the roller coaster. He read a lot more of those facts than I thought he would. I actually like roller coasters and I don’t think I could do that.

And I kind of want to try those hot wings, too. I’m not what I used to be now that I’m a little older, but I still take leave of my senses now and then and eat something stupidly spicy. I don’t know if anyone reading this remembers Sid’s Sports Pub in Stratford, but had they not discontinued the thing like a week before I decided to try it, I would have been on their hot wing wall of fame. Yes, I did it anyway. Eating the wings was shockingly easy. the worst part was somehow managing to get sauce in my eye while wiping my face. Don’t ever do that.

Why Are You Complaining? It Says & More Right On The Sign

Of all the places you might expect to find a hidden cell phone camera taking video of men using the washroom, who would ever think it could happen at a place called We Spy?

On Monday, the Tarpon Springs Police Department said a customer was using the men’s restroom at the “We Spy Coffee & More” shop, located at 505 Dodecanese Blvd., when they noticed they were being recorded by a camera placed underneath the sink.
“it was an iPhone that was propped underneath the sink and it was upside down. He picked the phone up and he looked at it and he saw that it was actually actively making a video recording,” said Detective John Melton.

Bonus: the employee who is said to have hidden it could be called Spy for short.

The victim confronted 31-year-old Spyridon Voulgarakis, who is an employee of the store. Authorities said Voulgarakis later admitted to hiding the camera and recording other men using the restroom.
“Voulgarakis became nervous, tried to get his phone back and ended up battering victim in the process,” said Detective Melton.

He was charged with video voyeurism and battery.

I’m Not Bailing You Out, Dad

Knifepoint robbery goes poorly is a story that comes up fairly regularly. But knifepoint robbery goes poorly because the victim recognizes the perpetrator as his dad? I think that might be a new one.

The 17-year-old victim had used the cash machine close to his home to withdraw £10.
He saw a hooded man dressed in dark clothing with a snood over his face lurking nearby.
Prosecutor Carrie Stevens told Glasgow Sheriff Court: “As he put his card in his pocket and took the cash from the machine, he turned left and felt something against the left side of his face.
“He was pinned up against the wall by the neck.
“The boy felt a large kitchen knife pressed against his face.
“The accused stated: ‘Give me it. Give me it now’.”

The victim instantly identified his dad from his voice and eyes. 
The stunned boy said: “Are you serious? Do you know who this is?”
The attacker replied: “I don’t give a f*** who it is.”
The victim pulled down the snood revealing his dad’s face and said: “What are you doing?”
The man responded: “I’m sorry, I’m desperate.”
His son fled the scene and told his gran of his ordeal before police were alerted.

Dad initially denied he was the culprit, but eventually thought better of it and pled guilty to attempted robbery and possession of a knife in a public place. He was sentenced to a year and two months in jail, which may be a safer place than home since as his lawyer pointed out, “His mother, brother and son are all extremely angry at him.”

They probably have knives there, too.

I Don’t Think It Worked

It’s hard for me to sit here, especially these days, and bag on anyone for wanting to remove sadness, negativity and pain from their lives. I will say, however, that in my experience, simply pouring some of the alcohol from the bottle into myself rather than onto something that I’m trying to set on fire in order to burn all that bad stuff away has generally worked out fairly well for me. Not once has doing so resulted in me setting my apartment building on fire, leaving six of its units uninhabitable in the process.

As the fire was being investigated, Moss approached police and claimed she had started it, the affidavit alleges.
When questioned by police and fire crews, she claimed she “intentionally used a Bic lighter to ignite a tree of life, which was placed inside a cauldron near her bedroom closet. According to Crystal, it was difficult to ignite the tree of life, so she poured a bottle of alcohol on it to speed up the process. Crystal said the intent was to burn away the negative energy, sadness and pain in her life. According to Crystal, she wanted to burn the universe, but didn’t want to hurt anyone,” according to the affidavit.
Police said Moss claimed she did not attempt to warn any of her neighbors but did bang on the garage door of the nearby fire department.

At the time the story was published, police were considering charging her with arson. That sounds pretty negative. May be time to start worrying if you’re in the area.

You Do Learn Better After A Good Lunch, So Maybe We Shouldn’t Laugh


There was a time when something like the United States Secretary of Education not knowing the difference between technology and steak sauce would be remembered and ridiculed for years, like Dan Quayle and his “potatoe”. But nowadays? Barely registers. There really are just too many goofy ass motherfuckers in this timeline.

“I heard, I think it was a letter or a report that I heard this morning, I wish I could remember the source, but that there is a school system that’s going to start making sure that first graders or even pre-k’s have A1 teaching every year, starting that far down in the grades,” McMahon said.

“And that’s just a wonderful thing. Kids are sponges. They just absorb everything,” McMahon continued. “So it wasn’t all that long ago that we’re going to have internet in our schools. Now, okay, let’s see A1 and how can that be helpful? How can it be helpful in one-on-one instruction? How can it be helpful in absorbing more information for those fast learners? It can be more one-on-one directed. And those are the kinds of things and innovations that I want to see continue to develop.”

I think she means I-on-I instruction.