Kings Of Moron

Last Updated on: 11th November 2023, 07:00 am

Can somebody do me a favour and explain the Kings of Leon fascination to me? From what I’m told, I’m supposed to love them because they’re the biggest thing to hit rock since some other band that probably sucked, but listening to them I can’t help but think that the only way these guys and big rock should end up in the same sentence is if that sentence starts with “boy, I’d love to hit these pricks repeatedly with a”.

Here are 2 examples to illustrate not only why I feel this way, but why I chose this occasion to bust out the international symbol for complete shiat for the first time.
Use Somebody:

Sex On Fire:

Tell me that dude’s voice doesn’t sound like the dying wails of a gutted asthmatic cow. Come on, tell me! See, you can’t do it! the only way you could is if you have a better description lying around somewhere.

Maybe I could forgive the lack of vocal ability and even the nothing happening band backing it up if at least the lyrical content was interesting. Ok, it is kind of interesting, but only in the sense that I wasn’t aware that the brain-dead had the ability to write. To make my point, I give youthe words to Sex On Fire.

Lay where you’re laying, don’t make a sound
I know they’re watching, they’re watching
All the commotion, the kiddie like play
Has people talking, talking

You, your sex is on fire

The dark of the alley, the breaking of day
The head while I’m driving, I’m driving
Soft lips are open, knuckles are pale
Feels like you’re dying, you’re dying

You, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what’s to transpire

Hot as a fever, rattling bones
I could just taste it, taste it
If it’s not forever, if it’s just tonight
Oh, it’s still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest

You, your sex is on fire
And you, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what’s to transpire

And you, your sex is on fire
Consumed with what’s to transpire

What the hell is that supposed to be aside from utterly retarded? It’s almost complete nonsense and it only rhymes in the absolute loosest sense of the word. I’ll never make fun of Lenny Kravitz forrhyming away with awayever again, that’s for sure.

But as dumb as it is, I’m pretty sure I kind of get what it’s all about.Use Somebody,not so much.

I’ve been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can’t reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night while you live it up I’m off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it’s gonna make you notice
I hope it’s gonna make you notice

Someone like me, someone like me
Someone like me, somebody

I’m ready now, I’m ready now
I’m ready now, I’m ready now
I’m ready now, I’m ready now
I’m ready now

Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody

I’ve been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see

Huh?

That’s seriously the extent of my analysis, because I have no idea what on earth these people are on about.

Hmm, not knowing what people are on about…kind of brings things full circle, doesn’t it?