Her Name Is Hashtag, But We Call Her # For Short

Last Updated on: 1st July 2024, 02:11 pm

Doctor: Good news, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. You have just given birth to a happy, healthy 8-pound baby girl! Congratulations!
Mom: She’s beautiful!
Dad: Wow. she’s…so small!
Mom: She has your eyes! Look at her!
Dad: Awwwwww. She does!
Mom: I can’t believe this is happening! We’re so lucky!
Dad: I have my very own daughter. This…this is unreal.
Mom: So what should we name her?
Dad: We could name her Susan, after my mother.
Mom: Hmmmmm…no, I don’t think I like that.
Dad: What’s wrong with Susan?
Mom: Nothing, it’s just…that…well…it’s a nice name but…
Dad: Ok, what about Elizabeth? We can name her after *your* mother.
Mom: No…that’s not quite right either.
Dad: Hmmmm….
Mom: We need something that will set her apart. Something to make her stand out from the pack. Something…something unique.
Dad: I still like Susan or Elizabeth, but I see what you’re saying. *Looks off thoughtfully into space for a moment, then back at the baby.* Hey! we could name her Walt, nobody would expect that.
Mom: Don’t be an idiot!
Dad: Patrick?
Mom: No!
Dad: Daniel? It’s almost a girl’s name, it just needs a few more letters…
Mom; Shut up! We’re not giving her a boy’s name!
Dad: But it would be unique!
Mom: No boy names!
Dad: Ok ok alright! Fine. No boy’s names. What if we named her after something significant to our relationship?
Mom: That’s brilliant! Something that symbolizes us that she can carry with her.
Dad: Exactly! I’ve got just the thing!
Mom: Aww, you’re so sweet. What is it?
Dad: Doughnut!
Mom: Doughnut?
Dad: Yeah! it’s perfect!
Mom: No it isn’t!
Dad: Why not?
Mom: Because you’re naming our daughter doughnut, that’s why!
Dad: But you said something that symbolized us.
Mom: How does that symbolize us, exactly?
Dad: Where did we meet?
Mom: Tim Hortons.
Dad: See?
Mom: We’re not naming her doughnut!
Dad: Muffin?
Mom: NO!
Dad: Cocoa?
Mom: No!
Dad: Chili? Chicken noodle soup? Breakfast biscuit?
Mom: If you’re hungry, just say so!
Dad: Fine, no doughnut. But did you know Tim’s has grilled panini things now? They look good on the commerci…wait! Panini! It sounds exotic! It’s awesome!
Mom: *sigh*
Dad: We’re never going to agree at this rate. Why don’t I just ask Twitter?
Mom: Good idea. Wait, *you’re* asking Twitter?
Dad: What’s wrong with that?
Mom: Your friends are stupid.
Dad: No they aren’t!
Mom: Yes, they are! They’d probably like the name doughnut.
Dad: See? Not stupid at all!
Mom: Your friend Roy glued his right shoe to his left shoulder last week. He’s an imbecile!
Dad: It was a carpentry accident! Could’ve happened to anybody.
Mom: Anybody who’s Roy.
Dad: Tell you what. I’ll ask my friends, but so your friends will see it too, you can RT it right away. Deal?
Mom: Deal.
Dad: Here, I’ll get you your phone.
Mom: Ok, tweet something.
Dad: (tweeting) Hey Twitter. New baby is here, beautiful and healthy. Now help us name her.
(to mom) Hmmm, I think this needs a hashtag.
Mom: Good idea.
Dad: How about #what’swrongwithdoughnut?
Mom: *sigh*
Dad: Sorry.
Mom: #namethesmith’sbaby?
Dad: No, that’s way too long for a hashtag…oh my god!
Mom: What!?
Dad: Oh…my…god!
Mom: What happened!? Did your phone die?
Dad: No, I’ve got a name! Hashtag! Let’s call her hashtag!
Mom: Hashtag? Hash…tag.
Dad: Hashtag!
Mom: Hashtag! Hash…tag. Hash…tag. Hashtag!
Dad: It’s unique. None of the kids in the neighbourhood will share a name with her.
Mom: Hash…tag.
Dad: And it symbolizes us! We’re working together on this tweet, trying to problem solve like the great couple we are.
Mom: Hashtag! Oh honey, you really are a genius sometimes! And so sweet! We really are a great couple, aren’t we? It’s perfect! Hashtag Virginia Smith!
Dad: Virginia? What kind of name is Virginia?
Mom: My grandmother’s, you ass!
Dad: I like it!