If this were just a guy drunkenly riding a motorized cart around a grocery store smashing into people and things as he went, I probably wouldn’t post it because it’s not my job to chronicle every single thing that happens on an average Florida Friday. And for the most part, that’s exactly what’s going on here, save for two things.
1. 
This fellow’s name is Wayne Morgan. I wonder if his friends call him Captain or if they’ll start doing so once they read the paper.
2. His address is listed as Margarita Lane.
When an officer arrived Nov. 28 at a Publix in the 9100 block of South U.S. 1, a manager was following Wayne Morgan Jr., 47, as Morgan cruised around on a store electric mobility assist cart.
The manager said Morgan ran into people, cursed and was rowdy and loud.
Police noted Morgan smelled strongly of alcohol and slurred his speech.
Investigators told Morgan the manager wanted him out post haste and to not return.
Morgan started to swear and raise his voice before crashing the electric cart into a store display.
He staggered outside and leaned against a post.
He is then reported to have cursed out the officers, informing them that now they couldn’t touch him as if the post had some sort of magical safe zone powers.
Of course they touched him, after which he was charged with disorderly intoxication and resisting an officer without violence.