I have no idea how I should start this, so let’s just get to the good stuff. *Note: Good stuff is not actually good at all…at least not for most of us.*
Eric Detiege, 47, was arrested in March by cops responding to a suspicious person call in Oldsmar, a Tampa suburb. Officers found a pantless Detiege lying on his back in front of a townhouse that was not his home.
As memorialized in an arrest affidavit, Detiege, naked from the waist down, had his penis in one hand and “a large uneaten pickle in his other hand.” Deputy Armando Feijoo reported that Detiege was “using the pickle to penetrate his rectum while he was masturbating.”
He was arrested and charged with exposure of sexual organs, but was released after posting bond. His freedom was short lived, however, as he was caught the following week shoplifting Red Bull and skinny jeans from an area Walmart.
Red Bull gives you wangs?
Anywho, Detiege wound up pleading no contest to the exposure charge and was sentenced to time already served, plus fines and court costs.