I was very, very excited when it was first announced that The Onion was going to be buying InfoWars. But it looks like I’ll have to put a lid on that excitement for now, because a judge has just rejected the bid on procedural and transparency grounds. The door isn’t closed on the Onion folks …
Author Archives: Steve Wettlaufer
Ba Da Ba Ba Ball
Man. Why can’t this fella ever be my delivery guy? Half the time it’s all the ones around here can do to get it all the way up to my apartment rather than just dumping it in the unsecured vestibule and hoping for the best. Officials just stopped the Loyola Chicago-Duquesne game because an Uber …
Disco Gunther, Reggae Cena And Other AI Wrestling Tunes
Like I said to Barb when she sent this, if this tech had been around back in the days when most of my friends liked wrestling we would have wasted so many hours doing this it’s not even funny. The title is a bit misleading, though. They’re not improving wrestling theme songs as much as …
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Today In Rotten Baseball Ideas: The Golden At-Bat
The Golden At-Bat rule could give MLB a new shine. But is it worth it? I don’t remember where this theory came from and I’m too lazy to try looking it up, but for years I’ve heard people say that when a headline ends with a question, the answer is almost always no. This is …
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So You Pretend Like The Snowman Is A Nonexistent Minister?
Speaking of weird Christmas songs, the hell’s up with “Winter Wonderland”?
I Don’t Know If They’re Terrified, But They Will Play With Him!
How in the world had it never occurred to me just how weird the story of Frosty The Snowman is? It’s definitely ruined now, though.
If The Justice System Doesn’t Get Him, The Afterlife Might
I’m not a believer, but I often find these sorts of coincidences funny. It’s as though if there is a god, he’s making sure people know to keep their hands off his shit. Theft is only for evangelists, dammit! A drunken thief was injured after falling on the sword of a statue of St. Michael …
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Thanks For Your Help, Said Both Sides Of The Equation
Our boy made a couple of mistakes here. If you’re going to shoplift at Walmart, maybe leave the 37 pounds of marijuana at home instead of in the trunk of your car. If for some reason you haven’t done that, definitely don’t give your key fob to the police when they offer to help you …
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Gosh Darn It, I Forgot To Bring A Reusable Again. How Silly Of Me
Though I understand the impulse to get annoyed when all you want is one simple bag in which you can carry one simple thing and you can’t have one, this seems like a slight overreaction. Seems like some Olympic level grudge holding, too. At around 10:30 p.m. Saturday, the driver slammed the car into the …
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Agreed
I’ve been seeing Christmas themed ads on TV since October and CHYM FM flipped to all Christmas music this week. If we can’t wait until December like we’re supposed to, can we at least wait until after Remembrance Day to start forcing the spirit of the season on everyone? Kelvin Lewis takes center stage as …