I don’t care how many times you ask me (it’s been three today alone), I am not turning on the fucking vignette ads. No, not even if you predict that my revenue will go up by 20% were I to do so. There is also no need for you to explain to me what they …
Author Archives: Steve Wettlaufer
She’s Some Kinda What Now?
I just finished listening to the Storm game. They beat Owen Sound 6-2, for the record. Woo! But that’s not important at the moment. What’s important is what happened when CJOY went back to playing music after the postgame. It wasn’t half bad, so I left it on. Then, I assume because it decided that …
Do I Have Your Attention Now?
Not quite as eventful as the one from the other day, but still worth a post because reading it has made me realize that I’m going to feel a little bad every time I travel now. Not because I touch myself and other people on planes and am starting to figure out that perhaps I …
Rogers Goes Back To Half Assing Blue Jays Radio
Sportsnet’s Blue Jays radio broadcasters will call road games remotely from Toronto There’s still time for you to change your mind on this, Rogers. Please do that. And let’s get Bowen and Ralph traveling with the Leafs again while we’re at it. Sports coverage, like a lot of coverage, loses something when it’s not done …
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Swat!
Today in people who don’t know what an internet or a library is: These two fellas who beat each other with a stick and a baseball bat when an argument over what mosquitos look like got out of hand. According to an arrest warrant, officers found Shavers’ roommate standing outside with blood all over his …
I’ll Take Just Because All These Words Are Here Doesn’t Mean I Have To Quote Them For $200, Ken
Just a quick note to all current and future Jeopardy contestants. If there is a category with a name that’s like 7000 words long, it is completely fine to not say each one of those 7000 words every time you ask for a clue. Using tonight’s episode as an example, there is a category called …
Northeast On Southwest
Southwest Passenger Arrested for Masturbating FOUR Times During Flight “McGarity was seated in seat 11F and the female witness was seated in seat 11E,” the complaint states. “Shortly after taking off, and while the aircraft was in the air, McGarity exposed his penis by pulling down his pants and shorts and began masturbating.” When the …
Boo On Me
I learned today that in 1980, Larry Zbyszko recorded a funky disco song called Boo On Me. I’m not going to sit here and tell you it’s great, but I expected it to be so much worse than it is. I think I might even almost like it. I miss the days when wrestlers would …
Five Finger Discount Lickin’ Good
I want to understand where this lady is coming from because four isn’t even close to eight, for crying out loud, but these thieving bastards at KFC only gave me half my chicken is still not something you call 911 to complain about. The woman told a dispatcher she was at the KFC on Euclid …
The Best News Bloopers Of January, 2023
Happy birthday, Italian twins! How old are you, exactly? And hopefully Rick Too-kit can fix the Can-nukes in a way that Bruce Boo-drew could not.