Author Archives: Steve Wettlaufer

If The Justice System Doesn’t Get Him, The Afterlife Might

I’m not a believer, but I often find these sorts of coincidences funny. It’s as though if there is a god, he’s making sure people know to keep their hands off his shit. Theft is only for evangelists, dammit! A drunken thief was injured after falling on the sword of a statue of St. Michael …

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Thanks For Your Help, Said Both Sides Of The Equation

Our boy made a couple of mistakes here. If you’re going to shoplift at Walmart, maybe leave the 37 pounds of marijuana at home instead of in the trunk of your car. If for some reason you haven’t done that, definitely don’t give your key fob to the police when they offer to help you …

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Gosh Darn It, I Forgot To Bring A Reusable Again. How Silly Of Me

Though I understand the impulse to get annoyed when all you want is one simple bag in which you can carry one simple thing and you can’t have one, this seems like a slight overreaction. Seems like some Olympic level grudge holding, too. At around 10:30 p.m. Saturday, the driver slammed the car into the …

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InfoWars To Finally Become Something Of Value

I cannot wait for this. The Onion, the satirical news company that repeatedly spoofed conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, has won the bankruptcy auction for control over his media empire — most notably InfoWars, the far-right, conspiracy-minded website that served as Jones’ primary online platform. The Onion plans to shutter Jones’ InfoWars and rebuild the website …

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Merry Christmas, Everyone! Not You, Poor Kids! Shoo Shoo Shoo!

It could be that I’m way out to lunch on this one because it’s been years since I’ve taken anyone to see Santa at a mall and even longer since I was the one visiting him, but when did those visits stop being free and start costing 15 goddamn dollars? And just look what you …

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I Really need To Be Mad About This, But I Can’t Afford The Outrage Fee

You really do learn something new every day. I, for example, just learned that in many parts of the United States there exists something called a rental application fee, and that those words mean exactly what they sound like they mean. I shouldn’t be because if there’s a way to rip a customer off a …

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Celebrated Canadian Paralympic Athlete And All Around Good Dude Writes Autobiography

Got an email this morning from our good friend Jason Dunkerley, whose name has come up here a time or two through the years and who is almost certainly involved in a few of the stories where names are missing. For several years he’s been working on and off at writing a book about his …

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