>Did He Not Light Up Her Life Enough?

>It’s not often that a woman goes in the do it yourself files, but I believe Daria Woods belongs there, wouldn’t you say? When the male victim went outside to avoid further assault, he told officers, a naked Woods ran outside to attempt to attack him again, but ultimately grabbed his keys from him and …

Another Reason Sleepwalking Is Dangerous

It’s a good thing our wandering drunk didn’t wander into this apartment. Instead of acting like reasonable human beings and maybe calling the police when they came home from drinking and found a sleeping man in their apartment, the 3 of them beat the everloving hell out of him. Come on! There were 3 guys …

All My Shootings Be Drive-Bys…On Myself

Here’s a hot tip for all of the aspiring drive-by shooters in the crowd.Remember to roll the window down first. Andrew J. Burwitz, 20, of Appleton, Wis., allegedly tried to do a drive-by shooting at the home of his ex-girlfriend’s family and another random house. Police found him because he failed to roll down his …

I Wonder What He Was Drinking At The Time

What are the odds that a person found lying in the rain hammered would be from someplace called Brandywine?They’re about as good as you’d likely have expected. Hopefully if Dale Lee Buckler ever dries out and remembers the evening’s events he’ll have a nice chuckle about that with the rest of us.

That Wasn’t My Chair After All

Way to ruin everybody’s fun, jackholes! I realize you technically have a point, but sometimes it’s better to shut up and take the free publicity rather than pull the typical business move and come off looking like a party pooping pack of dick whistles. At least this won’t prevent them from selling it, but it’s …

Somebody Shouldn’t Have Gotten Behind The Wheel

Here’s another case of someone calling 911 to report that she’s driving drunk. I just like this one for the 911 transcript. Unlike previous drunk drivers who called themselves in, she sort of tried to avoid the fact that it was her who was the drunk one. Dispatcher: Clark County 911 Mary Strey: Somebody’s really …

Well, He’ll Be Able To Tell If His Costume Was Good…

Hey there James Miller, here’s a tip. If you’re going to get all boozed up on Halloween night, it might not be a good idea to dress up as a breathalyzer. Well, then again, it might not be a good idea to get all boozed up in your car anyway, and then have the rest …

Put The Roommate In The Coconut And Beat The Guy Up

Normally a fight between roommates over money wouldn’t warrant a post here, but when the weapons of choice in such a fight includea porcelain bowl, a wooden carving and a coconut,that’s afood feud,baby! The Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office reported that the 44-year-old man was charged with robbery with a weapon and false imprisonment after …

Just Because It’s Not A Car Doesn’t Mean You Get Off Easy

And here I thought motorized La-Z-Boys, beer coolers and barstools were pretty awesome. I was unaware of other coolness that has been out there. Ann Adams fixed that right quick. Although the la-z-boy and the barstool made the list, there are more. How about a parade float? What about an adult tricycle? A Russian Tank? …

When Ya Gotta Go, Ya Gotta Take A Zappin’

The city of Guelph where Carin and I live has been dealing for several years with the growing problem of the weekend bar crowd not bothering to find bathrooms and pissing or worse all over the downtown. One of the solutions, at least for a few weeks over the summer, was installing outdoor urinals or …