A Kansas man who has not yet been identified since formal charges of misdemeanor lewd and lascivious behaviour have not yet been filed was arrested this week after being found attempting to have drunken sex with a car. Police in Newton, a city 25 miles north of Wichita, responded Tuesday to a 911 call about …
Category Archives: alcohol was a factor
Three Cheers, Three Offenses, What’s The Difference?
Sometimes, it pays to demonstrate your knowledge in a certain subject. Maybe you don’t have to take courses again if you can show you understand the subject matter. When the subject matter is taking field sobriety tests, though, it might be smarter to keep that knowledge a secret. Andrea Rego, for reasons unknown, decided to …
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My Love For This Team Is A Burning Love. To The Second And Third Degree, To Be Specific
There’s nothing wrong with making a friendly wager on a sporting event. I’ve been known to bet a few bucks or a dinner here and there. And if fire didn’t scare the living shit out of me and if the things weren’t so god damned expensive, I could maaaaaaaaaaybe see myself making a loser burns …
I Can’t Blow, But I Sure Do Suck
Initially I just tweeted this story out and was prepared to leave it at that, but the longer I allow it to turn itself about in my brain the stronger the urge becomes to memorialize the stupidity at work here because sometimes, the simplest mistakes are also the dumbest mistakes. I do not have asthma. …
It’s Ice Beer! I Have To Get To It Before It Warms Up!
I swear this has happened before, but since for the life of me I can neither remember when nor find reference to it, for now we must judge Michael Casteel and Michael Casteel alone for his poor choices. Running into a burning building in a frantic attempt to make a rescue is arguably a poor …
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Hey, Ocifer? How’s About I Whoop Your Thumb And We Forget This Whole Thing?
It’s 6 A.M. on a Sunday morning and you’re fast asleep. In your car. While it’s running. In an intersection. Holding up an ambulance. Which calls the police. Who cannot wake you up. Even when they park right next to you and crank on the lights and siren. You only awaken when a tow truck …
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You Shouldn’t Kill Animals! Let Me Do It Instead!
I’m about as far from vegan as it gets, but if you’re not, great. I’m also not one who tends to engage in public forms of protest all that often, but if you do, great. Everyone should do what they want to do and be what they want to be. But for the love of …
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I’d Like To Propose A Toasted
I don’t know what Amanda Willis was arrested eight times for, but I imagine her now former best friend Jennifer Butler does, which makes me wonder how short Mrs. Butler was on maid of honour candidates especially based on arrest number nine. “She was a mess. She drank almost a whole entire bottle of Fireball,” …
Save Money, Live Wetter
As a guy who burns through a lot of articles in a day, I love it when a headline doesn’t hype something up to be something it isn’t or leave you guessing about what’s really going on. So thank you, “Police: Man urinates in Walmart as he puts trout in pants,” for making my Friday …
I Was Just On My Way To Turn Myself In
Whether or not you’re wanted on outstanding warrants, it’s always good to make sure that the taxi you’re getting into is really a taxi and not, say, a police cruiser. Then again if you are wanted on outstanding warrants, regardless of whether it is or is not a cab you will get a ride somewhere. …