Alright. There’s Only One Way To Settle This. Whoever’s Phone Can Call An Ambulance The Fastest Wins!

I have no idea why, but the iPhone vs. Android debate can get pretty intense sometimes. They’re just phones that you’ll be replacing in 2 or 3 years, losers! Get a life. But as nasty as it can be, I think this here brings things to a new low. Tulsa police say a woman found …

Don’t Make Me Throw Tea On You, You Old Bag

Sign I’ve been doing this for a while: I’m about to write the words this is pretty much your standard Floridian trailer park food feud arrest without so much as batting an eye. The Flagler County Sheriff’s Office was called shortly before 11:30 p.m. Friday to the Ponderosa Mobile Home Park on U.S. 1 in …

4 DUIs In 30 Hours. Is That A Record?

I’ve heard stories of people stacking up multiple DUIs in a day before, but it’s usually 2, maybe 3, tops. So John Lourenco’s 4 in 30 hours is…impressive? Even more impressive is that each one somehow occurred in a different vehicle. According to the Providence Journal, he first crashed a Dodge pickup into an SUV, …

Time For A Nice Cold Beer…Bottle

There’s doing stupid things when you’re drunk, and then there’s doing stuuuuuuuuuuuuuupid things when you’re druuuuuuuuuuuunk! A MAN got so drunk at a family gathering he ate a glass beer bottle, NT police say. Superintendent Louise Jorgensen said police and St John paramedics were called to a Wagaman home just after 9pm on Wednesday. The …

You’ll Be Ok. Just Swallow One Of These Tubes And Call Me Tomorrow When I’ve Slept It Off

Usually when somebody talks about having a drink to take the edge off, it’s entirely sensible and maybe even not the worst idea in the world. But there’s taking the edge off and then there’s telling the folks who are investigating the death of the woman you killed by putting the breathing tube into her …

I Know He Said I Had The Right To Remain Silent, But You’re Just So Good!

I could have sworn I posted this one, but a decent enough look around tells me otherwise. So yeah, let’s be fixing that because this takes some serious balls…and wieners…and baby makers…and beer…and possibly drugs but we’re not really sure…and…absolutely no damn sense whatsoever. I mean, holy shit! Husnik, who was on probation, was handcuffed …

It’s A Mailbox, Not A Malebox

This is why they let bartenders cut you off, I’m pretty certain. Katie Beattie, prosecuting, told the court that on September 9 last year the complainant heard shouting and swearing outside her window. The witness saw the drunken 45-year-old defendant arguing with a woman. After the woman left, Bennett lay down on a bench in …

Darren The Red-Nosed Father Attacker

What kind of guy beats up his own dad on Christmas Eve just because the beer ran out? Oh. It’s Ireland? That makes sense. I forgot about the alcoholism nature of their kind. He told the Boxing Day session of the court that Darren Johnston became increasingly agitated during an argument between the pair. “He …