Did Somebody Say McShooting?

In case any McDonald’s employees were wondering, the number of times you can screw up the same person’s order in one day before that person takes a shot at you is apparently two. On the evening of Feb. 9, Torres and an unnamed driver reportedly stopped for food at the McDonald’s location in the 400 …

What Are You, Nuts? Put Down The Squirrel!

Rarely have I experienced the crushing disappointment that comes with a failure to procure adult beverages in advance of a holiday. What can I say, when you’ve got your priorities in order, that sort of thing just doesn’t happen. But when it does, it’s not the end of the world. Sure it may feel like …

Usually You Sleep With The Fishes, Not Get Woken Up By Them

So here I am, in a house. I’ve taken some money. I’ve had some food. What to do now? Hmmm. Must think of something. Leaving would be smart, but it feels too obvious. I need something different. Something exciting. Something…unexpected. I know! I’ll slap this sleeping guy with a fish. Come on, who would see …

I’ll Have A 12 Inch Road Rage On White, Please

You’ve just sideswiped a vehicle. What should you do? A: Calmly exchange information with the driver after you’ve made sure he’s ok. B: Get the hell out of there. C: Throw a sandwich at him when he tries to talk to you, then point a gun at him when he makes the same mistake again. …

The Shrimp Won’t Be The Only Ones In The Can

Given how off putting and just plain gross the idea of canned shrimp sounds, I kind of understand why Jayson Laughman became a sword wielding, knife throwing maniac when he was accused of swiping some. Michael Airhart, 52, and Laughman had a “heated verbal argument” before agreeing to go outside and “engage in a physical …

How Does That Old Rhyme Go? I Scream, Then I Punch You In The Face For Ice Cream?

Yes, it’s disappointing when you think you’re going to get free ice cream but then you find out after you’ve ordered that your stupid coupon is expired. But no, that does not make it ok to punch the lady behind the counter when she apologizes and says that that’ll be $3.50, sir instead of just …

Updated How Many Times Do I Have To Tell You I Don’t Want Jelly Beans On My Pizza!?

October 2014 update: For the first time in over 10 years of doing this, I’m breaking a personal rule and taking a post down. But I’m doing so in order to uphold another. Do our best to get things as right as we can. After a nice conversation with somebody I believe and offers of …

I Now Pronounce You Unconscious, You Dick

Look at that, it’s a wedding and a food feud all in one! The fight erupted when the best man pushed into the buffet queue to get food for his son, which is said to have upset uncle-of-the-bride Hughes. The 53 year old lorry driver is said to have then hit best man, and brother-of-the-groom, …