My dad was a pretty solid handyman, but even he had his troubles. Remembering those and some of the new curse words they taught me as a child made this funnier to me than it may have been otherwise. This is not, by any means, a full and complete list. But it’ll get even the …
Category Archives: jokes
Rap Music, Translated
Rap lyrics. They can be pretty sophisticated sometimes. If not sophisticated, at least hard to understand. So as a public service, here is one such rap song translated into the proper English for the benefit of those who wish to be hip like the youngsters. The music, so you can follow along, can be found …
Lord…Oh Lord…
Here’s a bit more Richard Jeni. Whoever uploaded this one misspelled the word religion in the title, but I won’t slag him too much since he clearly has good taste in comedy. This one is all about his experiences going to church as a kid and how they could have been made much better if …
Bill The Belching Gourmet
Ever since I posted that Richard Jeni weight loss bit the other day, I’ve been thinking about how much I miss Richard Jeni. I’ve also been searching YouTube now and then to see what other old favourites I can dig up. Today I found Bill The Belching Gourmet. The number of directions this goes in …
Bad News Poker Game
Six retired Floridians are playing high stakes poker in the condo clubhouse. A member of the group, Meiers, loses $5,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five finish playing the hand standing up. When they’re done, Finkelstein looks around and …
Stop Eatin’ And Abusin’ Those Energy Drinks, You Fat Bastard
If you listen to most of your Blue Jays games on the Fan like I do, you’ve probably heard those Harvey Brooker Weight Loss For Men commercials. We (especially Carin) have more to say about him whenever we actually do audio again, but right now I’d just like to point out that even after however …
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A Lesson In Punctuation
This is clever. A Lesson in punctuation Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re …
‘Twas The Evening Prior To A Celebration Of Marketing And Religion
I have no idea who wrote this, but my god is it awesome. ‘Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual yuletide celebration, and throughout our domicile, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously …
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Mute Protection
Two friends, both mutes, are standing on a street corner talking to each other in sign language. Mute #1 (SIGN) “What would you like to do?” Mute #2 (SIGN) “I don’t know, what about you?” Mute #1 (SIGN) “Let’s get my car, find some girls and have some fun.” Mute #2 (SIGN) “Good idea.” So …
Give Me A Push
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get …