Got this in a joke email and it seemed like the perfect excuse to post an old Brian Regan bit I’ve always enjoyed. the timing is especially amusing to me because Carin just said something over the weekend about moosen in the woodsen. We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the …
Category Archives: jokes
You Sound Like My Ex
I thought I’d posted this one, but the search says otherwise. Tim finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment as his wife watched. After a long period of silence she finally spoke. “Honey, I’ve been thinking. Now that we’re married, maybe …
Lifesaver
Another one I thought I’d already posted. Happy Easter, by the way. Two old ladies are sitting on the front porch having a chat. “Do you still get horny,” the first one asks? “Oh sure I do,” replies the second. “What do you do about it,” asks the first? “I suck on a lifesaver and …
Thank You, Dictionary. That’s Helpful
My uncle has a joke of the day calendar. Every morning, he texts a bunch of us the day’s entry. If it’s a question joke rather than a funny quote or one liner, he only sends us that part and then waits to see how many of us can come up with the right answer. …
Mini Golf
I saw a strip club across the street from a mini golf place. I’m a liberal, but that’s too much for me. What if you’re just trying to have a nice afternoon with your family and then your kids look across the street and have to see a bunch of losers playing mini golf? By …
Milk
This would be your stupid joke of the day. A wife asked her husband, “Honey, could you please run to the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.” A while later the husband returned with a case of quart milk cartons. Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case …
Light Bulbs, BJs And Republicans
Found these in the inbox today. *Son: Dad, can I have 20 bucks for a blowjob? Dad: I don’t know son, are you any good? *Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb? A: I know it’s not six, because my cellar’s still dark. *A college kid’s in a suit …
You’re From Ireland?
Seamus was tending bar when a patron came in and ordered a beer and a shot. A little while later another came in and they struck up a conversation. “Let me buy you a drink in memory of my mother land, Ireland,” the first said. “Ireland?, I’m from Ireland too. I come from Dublin. Let’s …
Priest Accident
Ten Catholic Priests are killed in a car accident. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says, “If any of you are pedophiles, please get out of this line and go straight to Hell.” Nine of them turn and start to walk away. “Good,” says St. Peter. “And take this deaf cocksucker with you!”
What’d I Do?
I’m pretty pissed, you guys. I just got kicked out of the toy store up the street and I’m not even sure why. The security guy said something about not following directions, but that’s a lie. I totally was. The sign clearly said jack in the box.