Here are a few I’ve found as I try to clean out my holiday neglected inbox. *One year, a man bought his mother-in-law a cemetery plot for Christmas. The next year, he didn’t buy her anything. “Why didn’t I get a Christmas gift from you this year,” she asks as the family is sitting around …
Category Archives: jokes
Now What?
My therapist told me to write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I did that. But now I don’t know what to do with all the letters.
Shoot Three Times
Two hunters get separated from their group. After a few hours, they realize that they can’t find their way home and that there seems to be no one around. “What do we do,” asks the first? “It’s starting to get dark.” “Well,” says the second, “I’ve heard that if you get lost while hunting, you …
A Few Quick Jokes
These are dumb. What’s your point? *Did you hear about the depressed dyslexic? He threw himself behind a bus. *Q: Where do people go when they have two broken legs? A: Nowhere. *Q: What sound do porcupines make when they hug? A: Ouch! *”Son, what does your daddy do for a living,” asked the teacher. …
Carburetor
Sidney is cruising along the highway when his car starts misfiring and losing power before finally stalling for good. He steers it to the side of the road and tries to restart the engine without any luck. He calls AAA whose service man arrives a short while later, listens to his account of the car’s …
That’s Not What It’s Called!
The radio just reminded me of this one. It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby’s a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. He knocks on the front door, and Peggy Sue’s father answers and invites him in. “Peggy Sue’s not ready …
We’re Looking For…
This one seems rather topical at the moment. Two priests are driving down the road when all of a sudden they notice that several police cars are following them and one of the officers is signaling them to pull over. ” What seems to be the problem, officer?” asks the priest as he rolls down …
New Golf Shoes
Old Bert always wanted a pair of soft spike golf shoes like Freddie Couples wore, so when he saw some on sale after his round one day, he wasted no time buying them. He was so delighted with his purchase that he decided to wear them home so he could show them off to his …
Fancy New Supermarket
The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it turns on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and smell freshly fallen rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and smell the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg …
The Perfect Shot
A guy is standing over his tee shot, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed… “What’s taking so long,” his partner finally asks. “My wife is on the clubhouse porch, so I want to make a perfect shot.” “Forget it,” replies the partner. “You’ll never hit her from here.”