Ever since the incident on United Airlines last week, people have been coming up with new slogans for United. Here’s a pretty good list. Drag and Drop” “We put the hospital in hospitality” “Board as a doctor, leave as a patient” “Our prices can’t be beaten, but our passengers can” “We have First Class, Business …
Category Archives: jokes
What’s The Tartan?
Two Scotsmen, brothers Finlay and Jim Calder, were sitting in the pub discussing Jim’s big wedding day. “Aye, it’s going to be grand,” said Jim. “I’ve got everything organized already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.” Finlay smiled and nodded approvingly. “Heavens, I’ve even got …
Send Me Your…
Carin and I don’t generally send these sorts of texts to each other, but if we did, I imagine this is how it would end. A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text; “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are …
Sheepdog
This showed up in my email this morning. It’s terrible. I liked it. I make no apologies. A sheepdog finishes herding all of the sheep into their pen and reports back to the farmer. “All 40 sheep accounted for, sir.” “But I only have 38 sheep,” replies the farmer. “I know,” says the dog, “but …
Our First Pint
I was reading an article last night about fathers and daughters and memories came flooding back of the time I took my daughter out for her first pint. Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house. I got her a Fosters. She didn’t like it…so I had it. …
Lines
Update: Carin kinda sorta suggested I soundtrack this. Original: It’s terrible, but it’s starting to grow on me. Plus it’s been mailed to me at least three times, so the people have spokenish. A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom. First he goes to get a tux, but there’s a …
The Minister’s Wife
Jack says to his friend Joe, “I’m sleeping with the minister’s wife. Can you do me a big favour and keep him busy in church for an hour after service for me?” Joe doesn’t like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Joe starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts …
The Size Of An Infant
It’s been a while since I’ve put up a joke, so since this one just hit the inbox, I don’t seem to have posted it before and I used to like telling it when I was a kid, let’s go with it. Being a very traditional couple, Jim and Sandy have saved themselves for marriage. …
The Cajun 12 Days of Christmas
Last year, I had the Irish letter about the 12 days of Christmas, which incidentally, still makes me cry at the end. I suck. Am I the only one? Probably yes. I can’t stand watching people cry, even if they’re joking. Now I see on a friend’s Facebook, there is a Cajun version. 12 days/letters …
Sorry, Santa
Surprisingly, this is the first Christmas joke I’ve gotten this year. I don’t think I’ve heard it before, which is also surprising. And it’s even funny, which is almost as surprising as those first two things. Don’t get me wrong, I like it when people send me jokes. But I’m pretty sure that through the …