This one’s a bit of a groaner, but I laughed. An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. “I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” …
Category Archives: jokes
Welcome To Cleveland
If you’re going to mess with people, this is a pretty awesome way to do it. In 1978, Mark Gubin painted the words “Welcome to Cleveland” in 6 foot lettering on the roof of his house so that people flying into the nearby airport would be sure to see them. That’s a nice thing to …
Mmmmmmmm…Chocolate
This is a heartbreaking story of innocent people trying to flee a war torn country in search of safety and a better life and I obviously sympathize with their struggles, so why is the only thing I keep thinking about this Smothers Brothers sketch?
What Should People Say At Your Funeral
In real life I once had the what do you want people to say at your funeral conversation with somebody and gave the third guy’s answer. It wasn’t until later that I heard this joke for the first time. Should I be asking about royalty cheques? Three friends die in a car crash and they …
It Could Have Been Worse
There was a guy named John, who was the most positive guy in the whole world. Every time anyone said something negative, John would always say, “It could have been worse.” One day, John’s coworkers all got together and decided to come up with a scenario so bad that John couldn’t say that it could …
Fussy Eater
Fussy Eater Part 1. Fussy Eater Part 2. Been meaning to put this one up for a while not just because it’s a classic, but because I think about it pretty much every day since Carin and I have a tendency to quote the hell out of it in our everyday lives. We never buy …
How Many Pints?
I should try this sometime, preferably at a place I’ll never need to worry about going to again. Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. “Are there two pints in a quart or four,” asked one. “There be two pints …
So…I’ve Spoken At A Funeral
My grandma’s funeral was last Thursday, and as of about 2:30 that afternoon I can no longer say I’ve never spoken at one. What a strange feeling it was. Not the speaking itself, aside from the setting I’m used to that. The strange part was the feeling I had when it was over. I didn’t …
Bill Burr On Letting Go Of Religion
Bill Burr is a name I’ve heard, but don’t know well. But based on this clip from one of his TV specials, I may have to get more familiar. He makes a good point. It’s a lucky thing for religions that they get to tell their stories to kids, because who the hell’s going to …
It’s The 12th Day Of Christmas, And My True Love’s Mad At Me…
Here’s another episode of I love Twitter. Here’s a bit about what would happen if someone received all the gifts from the 12 days of Christmas. It sort of reminds me of this old post about shoveling snow. I don’t know why, but the second time I listened to this, his crying at the end …
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