Three little ducks waddle into a bar. “Good afternoon!” the bartender says to the first duck. “What’s your name?” “Huey,” the duck says. “How’s your day been, Huey?” “Great. Lovely day. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?” said Huey. “That’s nice,” said the bartender. He turned to …
Category Archives: mailbag
Extra Hard Irish Coffee
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask for his help in reviving her husband’s libido. “What about trying Viagra?” asks the doctor. “It really works.” “Not a chance,” says she. “He won’t even take an aspirin.” “No problem,” replied the doctor. “Give him an ‘Irish Viagra.’ It’s when you drop the …
Wishing Wells, Astronauts And Golfers
Just a few quick ones I found in the email. *A husband goes up to a wishing well, throws in a penny … ploop! … nothing happens. Then his wife takes out a penny. She walks up, trips ass over head, falls into the wishing well and drowns. I’ll be damned,” he says. “It works!” …
Childhood Diseases
The inbox is gold today. Here’s another one I used to love telling when I was a kid. Thanks for actually encouraging this side of me, mom and dad. A young couple arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing, as couples …
A Bad Accident
I know some people who might say this. I may or may not be one of them. I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in a hospital ICU. There were tubes up my nose and down my throat, wires monitoring every function, a hell of a pain all over my head and a gorgeous …
Preaching To Bears
This one’s pretty good, though I can’t help but wonder why it’s so oddly specific about where these guys are from. A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and …
Bad Bet
This one’s a bit of a groaner, but I laughed. An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. “I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” …
What Should People Say At Your Funeral
In real life I once had the what do you want people to say at your funeral conversation with somebody and gave the third guy’s answer. It wasn’t until later that I heard this joke for the first time. Should I be asking about royalty cheques? Three friends die in a car crash and they …
It Could Have Been Worse
There was a guy named John, who was the most positive guy in the whole world. Every time anyone said something negative, John would always say, “It could have been worse.” One day, John’s coworkers all got together and decided to come up with a scenario so bad that John couldn’t say that it could …
Tall Can Audio, Our Old Friend Matt’s New Podcast!
Sorry for the sudden quiet. Between dealing with some headache unpleasantness and some other unpleasantness that took me out of town for a bit and has me feeling a little down, I haven’t been having the greatest week. But this one’s an easy post, so I figure I’ll pop it up before maybe or maybe …
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