Believe it or not, I actually know a couple of guys who tried to pull off the old switch places during a traffic stop thing once. They were both drinking, but decided, in their infinite wisdom, that the one that didn’t have a driver’s license was in better shape and thus less likely to get …
Category Archives: master criminals
Baby Powder
If you’re planning to tool around town with three pounds of cocaine, there are certainly worse ways of disguising it than making it look like a great big pregnant belly. On paper, at least. Unfortunately, life isn’t lived on paper. If it were, it wouldn’t matter that you drive like an idiot. Or that you …
There Really Ought To Be A Light There
If you’re going to spend your night out doing classic criminal things like driving with a license you don’t have while wearing borrowed pants and mysteriously meth-filled socks, for the love of god man, don’t stop at the imaginary stop sign! This goes double if the police are already in the area. Police located methamphetamine …
Some Custody Required
As we mention often, the importance of a getaway vehicle to a crime cannot be understated. But what happens when your crime is shoplifting and what you’re shoplifting *is* your getaway vehicle? Flagler County deputies said it was reported that a man exited a Target on State Road 100 with a stolen electric scooter. When …
Yes. Electrical Work. I’ve Turned Me On, You See
Consider this your occasional reminder that even on days when we don’t post anything new, there’s still something you can come here to read. Every day, a new story from the archives of This is True is posted on this page. It changes every 24 hours, so bookmark it and make it part of whatever …
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Definitely Going To Fool Them
“Ok now. Before we leave, I have to ask. Did you remember to properly label the drugs bag?” “You mean the definitely not drugs bag? Of course!” “That’s right! We can’t be driving around looking as dumb as those bag full of drugs guys.” “Nope. We’re way smarter than that! No way in hell we’re …
If The Justice System Doesn’t Get Him, The Afterlife Might
I’m not a believer, but I often find these sorts of coincidences funny. It’s as though if there is a god, he’s making sure people know to keep their hands off his shit. Theft is only for evangelists, dammit! A drunken thief was injured after falling on the sword of a statue of St. Michael …
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Thanks For Your Help, Said Both Sides Of The Equation
Our boy made a couple of mistakes here. If you’re going to shoplift at Walmart, maybe leave the 37 pounds of marijuana at home instead of in the trunk of your car. If for some reason you haven’t done that, definitely don’t give your key fob to the police when they offer to help you …
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Perhaps We Need A Registry For That, Too
I’m having a little trouble figuring out exactly how stupid this gentleman is. Like clearly he’s stupid, but is he stupid or is he stuuuuuuupid? Police say a Hamilton man went to Kitchener around 11 a.m. on Thursday to “meet with a female youth for a sexual purpose.” When he arrived at the meeting spot …
Faster Than A Speeding Gullet
I imagine emptying out a gun shop is the sort of thing that would make a fella pretty hungry, but next time, maybe try holding those cravings until you and your rented car are a little further from the scene of the crime. A gang who stole firearms from a gun shop were caught when …