Of all the sites on the internet, this is one.
I’m not a believer, but I often find these sorts of coincidences funny. It’s as though if there is a god, he’s making sure people know to keep their hands off his shit. Theft is only for evangelists, dammit! A drunken thief was injured after falling on the sword of a statue of St. Michael …
Continue reading “If The Justice System Doesn’t Get Him, The Afterlife Might”
Our boy made a couple of mistakes here. If you’re going to shoplift at Walmart, maybe leave the 37 pounds of marijuana at home instead of in the trunk of your car. If for some reason you haven’t done that, definitely don’t give your key fob to the police when they offer to help you …
Continue reading “Thanks For Your Help, Said Both Sides Of The Equation”
I’m having a little trouble figuring out exactly how stupid this gentleman is. Like clearly he’s stupid, but is he stupid or is he stuuuuuuupid? Police say a Hamilton man went to Kitchener around 11 a.m. on Thursday to “meet with a female youth for a sexual purpose.” When he arrived at the meeting spot …
I imagine emptying out a gun shop is the sort of thing that would make a fella pretty hungry, but next time, maybe try holding those cravings until you and your rented car are a little further from the scene of the crime. A gang who stole firearms from a gun shop were caught when …
I like it when the master criminal stories are nice and simple. The victim was located on scene suffering from a gunshot wound and transported to the hospital where he later died. The suspect, identified as 43-year-old Gilbert Vermillion, was apprehended after falling out of his moving vehicle in an attempt to flee the scene, …
Calling in a fake bomb threat and active shooter to a store across the street from where your boyfriend is about to get arrested for shoplifting maybe isn’t the smartest thing you could do, but I’ll go ahead and put it in the category of ideas so crazy they just might work. Distraction can be …
Continue reading “The Sporting Goods Store Did Not Account For All Of The Dicks In The Area”
Point: Someone with 11 felonies on his record should know how to commit a proper robbery by now. Counterpoint: You don’t end up with 11 felonies on your record by being good at crime. You would not, for instance, threaten a clerk who just caught you trying to shoplift, go outside, put on a hood …
Police: Man uses Uber to rob bank, has driver wait to take him home You will be shocked (Shocked I say!) to learn that our friend Jason Christmas here didn’t make a clean getaway, and not just because there’s nothing clean about dye packs exploding all over you, the money and the poor driver’s back …
I didn’t wake up thinking that I was in a particularly down mood today, but I must be. I say that because I remember a time when I would read a story like this one here about a carjacker who was identified because he connected his phone to the car’s Bluetooth, say to myself something …
Continue reading “A Few Uplifting Words To Play Over Someone else’s Car Speakers”
I don’t drive, but I have driven with a lot of people. Sometimes those people get tired. Sometimes tired enough that them continuing to drive simply isn’t safe. So I understand why perhaps this fellow might have decided to get himself the heck off the road and take a little nap. I can also understand …