This seems like as good a time as any to remind you that movies are fake and that the sorts of things that work there don’t generally translate to real life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyBnQ8kRJVc A suspected car thief tried to make the perfect getaway by racing down a flight of stairs but ended up being rescued by …
Category Archives: master criminals
Aside From Every Bit Of It Being Stupid As Hell, I Understand None Of This
I don’t know if Thomas Hartman was high on his own supply or what, but I’m having trouble coming up with anything else that would explain any of this. For some reason, Hartman accused either his cousin or his brother (depending on whether you believe the written article or the irritating autoplaying video on a …
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Why Can’t I Bolt In This Bolt?
Cory Allen Patrick and I have something in common. Neither one of us knows how to drive an electric car. The owner of a 2017 Chevy Bolt told police he had stopped at a stop sign at the intersection when a man, later identified as Patrick, approached his driver’s-side window, the affidavit said. It said …
If The Police Are Out Here Looking For Drugs, Somebody’s Got To Sell Them To Them, Right?
This news release from the Alexandria, Louisiana police department says basically everything that this post is going to need, so I’m just going to leave it here. Suspect Waves Drugs for Sale in Front of Officers On February 22, around 7:00 pm, APD officers were conducting an investigation at a residence in the 2300 block …
Your Money Making Strategy Is The Pits, Sir
A wee bit of free advice, if I may. If you owe $560,000 in back child support, have managed to evade capture for 20 some years and are considered by the American government to be that country’s most wanted deadbeat dad, maybe don’t try to defraud a restaurant. That is to say, be smarter than …
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Police Have Locked Him UP And Thrown Away The Key, Which They Remembered To Bring With Them
A question for the bank robbers in the crowd. Setting your car keys on the counter: stupid or really stupid? Seriously, why would you ever do that? If they’re not staying in the getaway vehicle, should they not stay safely in your pocket? Isn’t that, like, the only thing that makes any sense? A man …
Police Were Immediately Dispatched To His Location, Because It Was Their Location
In October of 2016, Bank of America discovered a theft. Surprisingly, given that there are so many of them, it wasn’t one of their own. But the bank did suspect that somebody who used to be one of their own was behind it, and so the hunt for former employee Alberto Saavedra Lopez began. For …
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“Give Me My Stuff Back Or I’m Calling The Cops!” “You’re Way Ahead Of You, Dude.”
There may be a genius at work here, but that person is absolutely, positively 100 percent not Clayton Rowland Cowman Jr. We know this because not only did he call the police after somebody robbed him of cash and dope, but then, just in case there was still any doubt, he repeatedly called a narcotics …
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Never Say Bye Without Your Supply
In spite of the stupidity at work, I think I understand the decision making. Though it was one of her own creation, our friend here was caught in a no-win situation. Do you go back for the drugs and risk getting arrested, or do you let them go, losing more than 40 grand in the …
I Don’t Know What These Are, But I’m Going To Take All Of Them And There’s Nothing You Can Do About It
“Hey man, listen up. I’ve got a great idea.” “Ok, I’m all ears.” “So you know how there’s that tech company down on Dela Cruz Avenue?” “Yeah. Roam something. What do they do, anyway?” “I don’t know, but do you want to find out?” “Sure, what the hell. But how?” “Well, how about tonight, you …