Of all the sites on the internet, this is one.
Let’s mark this one down as a good try. And when I say good, of course what I actually mean is what a terrible, terrible try. A Port St. Lucie police officer about 11:20 p.m. spotted a “suspicious vehicle/parking violation” involving a Chevrolet Silverado in the 600 block of Southeast Majestic Terrace. An officer smelled …
Continue reading “Are You Happy To See Me Or Did You Leave Weed In Your Gitch Again”
I don’t know this for an absolute fact, but if you put a gun to my head and told me to guess I’m pretty sure I’d tell you that yes, David Blackmon was more than likely getting high on his own supply. If not his own, then somebody’s. Why else would he have called the …
In case you were wondering (god I hope you’re not), there are no good times to steal a police cruiser. There are only bad times and worse times, And one of the worst times of all is when the cruiser on which you have your eye is sitting in the parking lot of its police …
Continue reading “Don’t Mind Me, I’m Just Gonna Cruise On Home”
As a lad, I remember watching Danny Tartabull play baseball. He was pretty good at it as I recall, especially at the part where you hit the ball very well seemingly more often than you miss it. But as good as he was at that, he was apparently much less good at paying his child …
After you’ve broken into an apartment in an attempt to rape somebody only to be chased off by a dude with a sword, you’d think you might want to lay low for a while and maybe stop pushing your luck. But you, my friend, are not Francisco Chavez. *His* next move was to waltz into …
Continue reading “I Need That Cash Back! How Am I Supposed To Buy a Clue Without It?”
It hasn’t happened in a few years to my knowledge, but it was only going to be a matter of time before some guy (it’s always a guy) went and pulled a Wolfname, and that time is now. Police in Boynton Beach, Florida, had been trying to solve a rash of thefts from local businesses. …
Continue reading “It Could Also Mean Pilferer Of Everything”
We use this one a lot, but appropriate is appropriate, soooo… Though it’s doubtful you would need one, if ever should come a day when screwing up a jewelry store robbery really, really badly becomes necessary, I present to you this handy guide courtesy of Colin Ayers and Mervin Chong. Make sure that it’s 9:30 …
Continue reading “They Got No Rings, But The Police Got A Couple Of Collars”
This is absolutely ground we’ve covered before, but since I consider what I’m about to share with you to be an absolutely fantabulous reason to cover it again that may perhaps never be topped, let’s do that. When they come to your door, always (Always!) allow the nice officers to speak first so that you …
You know, because I need a heroin. Depending on your worldview, Joseph Murphy has either had a really fun or really rough 2017. He kicked things off by getting arrested at a Disney hotel in Orlando, smashing his head into the police car partition, trying to choke himself, yelling “fuck Donald Trump” for some reason …
Continue reading “Where Have All The Good Men Gone, And Where Are All The Dogs”
At least once we’ve covered would-be robbers with handwriting so terrible that their victims had trouble figuring out what exactly they were up to. In that case, the poor penmanshiped perpetrator was juuuuuuuust smart enough to get out of Dodge when it became clear that things were heading south. Dion Taylor, on the other hand, …
Continue reading “Excuse Me, Mr. Sketchy Looking Guy? What The Heck Is A Rubbery?”