Of all the sites on the internet, this is one.
When there are only 2 customers in the store one of whom is you and the other is a uniformed police officer, that’s a bad time to test out your I’m going to swipe something from this guy without him noticing skills. On Monday at 12:27 p.m., the officer momentarily put his cell phone down …
Continue reading “That Guy Just Took My Phone. I’d Better Call The Me”
Excuse me, kind sir. If I may, I wish to have a word. I understand that our initial meeting did not take place under the most ideal of circumstances, but though you wish not to see me again nor I you, I nevertheless feel it my duty to make your acquaintance once more so that …
Continue reading “Why Didn’t You Tell Me I Was Stealing Garbage?”
Generally, the way you’d go about profiting from your counterfeit money operation would be passing the product at stores in exchange for items of actual value, or maybe selling it for a fee hopefully consisting of legitimate currency to people you have a pretty good sense you can trust. But that’s if you’re a logical, …
Dumbasses get busted by their own social media stupidity all the time, but this ass seems especially dumb. Christopher Wallace, wanted by the Somerset County Sheriff’s Office in connection with a Pierce Pond Township burglary, made two mistakes Sunday night. The first one was posting a message on Snapchat saying he was back in his …
Continue reading “Shhhhh. I’m Playing A Game Of Hide And Tell Everybody With The Cops Right Now”
There are a couple of lessons here. 1. If you’re doing something you’d rather the police not know about, don’t open yourself up to any more scrutiny than necessary. Even something as simple as driving in a carpool lane when your passengers aren’t easy to see from the outside can be enough to undo your …
Somehow, you have just managed to walk out of a Walmart undetected while carrying a 58 inch television which you neglected to pay for. Well done. But you have a problem. 58 inch televisions are rather large. Too large to easily fit into your vehicle, it turns out. And wouldn’t you know it, as you …
Continue reading “Hurry! We Need To Get This TV Home So We Can See Us On The News!”
I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but if you’re going to rob a store of one of its fish tanks or quite literally anything else, stop for a leak *before* the heist. This is always true, but especially because the wasps you’re hosing down give zero fucks that the cops are on your trail. …
Continue reading “Wizzing On The Electric Fence Doesn’t Sound So Bad Now”
Part way through the story of John David Martinez’s horribly bungled bank robbery, I started feeling bad for him and thinking maybe I’d have a heart and not post it. I mean the poor guy is nearly 70 years old and he and his wife had been living in a Ramada after being evicted from …
I understand being proud of having been named salesperson of the month down at the Mazda dealership. It feels good to be recognized for working hard at something and ultimately succeeding. Were it me, I might even carry around whatever sort of trophy they gave me for a little while so I could show it …
What do you want to bet this fella was pretty well shit at hide and seek? Jordan Meier was traveling with three passengers at around 9pm when a Lancaster County Sheriff’s Office deputy pulled over his 2002 Chevrolet Monte Carlo on a Lincoln street for a traffic violation. Meier was subsequently “placed into custody for …