The list of reasons not to rob a bank is a fairly long one. Had Shantoria Valentine bothered to construct such a list, I wonder if she would have been smart enough to include “I have no getaway car and running 3 blocks just ain’t gonna happen” on it. Mike Wadleigh noticed a woman hurrying …
Category Archives: master criminals
Give Me All Your Money! Ok, How About Some Of It? Any Of It? Anybody?
Today in a life of crime is not for you, we have this clown from Seattle. A 40-year-old man entered a restaurant in the 600 block of Fifth Avenue South about 8 p.m. and instructed employees to pass him all the cash in the register, according to police reports. He reportedly flashed a long, metal …
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There Was No Murder. His Brain Cells Were Already Dead
People will try just about anything to get out of a speeding ticket, up to and including calling 911 to report a fake murder while the officer is distracted in the hopes that he’ll ditch your silly little traffic stop to go help out, apparently. When I say people, I mean Julius Lupowitz, because I …
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I Hear Sirens. My Supper Must Be Burning
There’s not a whole lot of detail here, but aside from knowing that Stephen L. Quinn (who spells his first name incorrectly) broke into the Planet X Cafe in Delaware and was taken into custody by police as he made himself a dinner of crab cakes and booze instead of taking things and running away, …
Alright, Miss. Smile And Say I Have The Right To Remain Silent
Some days I wonder if the crooks are even trying anymore. Police are on the hunt for a woman who is believed to have stolen a credit card from a 74-year-old woman at a Florida Walmart and used it to make nearly $500 worth of purchases from a beauty shop, a dollar store and a …
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They Found All Their Stuff, Did They? Well, That Blows
You can have the best stolen loot hiding skills in the world, but when it’s your cleverness vs. a tornado, I’m betting on the tornado every time. “My house was torn up pretty badly, so I was checking things up,” Ed Cleek told ABC News. “Then someone called me and said: ‘Hey, I think that’s …
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Bum Drive
As we’ve noted several times, some criminals are wicked good at stashing things up the old dump hatch. It’s a handy skill I suppose, but one you should probably make sure you’re good at before you take your thumb drive full of child pornography on a walk around town as you engage in less than …
Was That A Good Idea? Not Even Close
No matter how funny you think your dumb joke is, it’s probably best that you don’t bust it out for the friendly local reporter asking questions and taking pictures for one of those man on the street articles if you’re a bail jumper. A college student wanted for jumping bail on a drunken driving case …
Let’s Go Rogering
Usually when a story about some pervert taking upskirt photos of women in public places comes up, it’s creepy and gross, but generally not all that interesting. It’s pretty much always a hidden bathroom camera or one of those snazzy mini cams in a shoe, some charges and the world mostly moving on. But not …
Dine And Duh
I’ve never dined and dashed, but I know what the first rule is. No, it’s not do not talk about dine and dash, though that one’s probably on the list somewhere. The first rule of dine and dash, quite sensibly, is make sure you’ve gathered up all your stuff before you leave, fool. Unfortunately for …