We should add Todd J. Moffie to the list of folks who aren’t meant for a life of crime. He broke into the basement of a house, and then decided to crawl between the stairs. We have no idea why he did that, because there was lots of room to get around the steps. Anyway, …
Category Archives: master criminals
Now They’re Ushering Her To Jail
Here’s another lesson, this one courtesy of Bonnie Usher of New Hampshire. If you’re going to rob a place, make sure your getaway vehicle is not sporting a vanity plate with your name on it. Well, it was B-Usher, but that’s close enough. It didn’t take long before police were knocking on her door with …
Welcome To Drunken Donuts
Here’s a lesson, courtesy of an unnamed 22-year-old Vancouver, B.C. man. If you’re going to rob a donut shop and use a knife as a weapon, don’t do it while drunk, because you might fall on your own weapon. Needless to say, all he got out of the deal was a trip to the hospital …
Get Out Of My Way, Or I’ll Mow You Down!
If you’re going to rob a place, it might be a good idea to use a more powerful weapon than a stick, disguise your face better than having a towel partially covering it, and most importantly, have a better getaway vehicle than a lawnmower. In case you didn’t know, lawn tractors don’t usually move that …
Dealing In Stupidity
A little note to Walter Allen. Right out of the gate, the federal reserve doesn’t deal in cheques. So, using a fake one to buy 2 Bentleys is a bad idea. If you’re going to use a fake cheque, don’t use your real driver’s license. And while I’m at it, what the hell was a …
Burning Questions
Note to Anne Semenovich: If you plan to kill your husband and then burn him in an incinerator, a. when asked what you need an industrial incinerator for, do not answer honestly. And b. When the incinerator fails to burn said husband’s body, don’t call the same repairmen who you told of your plans. Oh, …
Is The Bigger Story The Crime Or That Somebody Still Uses MySpace?
You wouldn’t be crazy to think that criminals would know better than to dostuff like thisby now. You would, however, be wrong. The Sheriff’s Office says a caretaker for the home on Sugarloaf Key reported the burglary. Preparing to remove hurricane shutters from a door, the caretaker saw someone sitting on the living room couch. …
Continue reading “Is The Bigger Story The Crime Or That Somebody Still Uses MySpace?”
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try 6 More Times And Then Head To Jail
Part of me wants to give this unnamed Winnipeg criminal a tiny bit of credit for at least being persistent, but let’s be serious, if you fail at robbery 6 times in one night, then finally get it right on the 7th try only to be arrested moments later, you don’t deserve any. The first …
Continue reading “If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try 6 More Times And Then Head To Jail”
Those Kids Sure Won’t Put Their Fingers In An Electrical Socket…
Here come two more morons raising two poor unfortunate kids. I guess they decided to go steal some copper wire and brought their kids along for the ride. So, they left their kids in the truck and went into a vacant property to steal some wire. The power would be off right? Right? Wrong! Now …
Continue reading “Those Kids Sure Won’t Put Their Fingers In An Electrical Socket…”
He’ll Need That Scarf Now That He’s Heading To The Cooler
Oh man. Another dude took off his disguise in front of surveillance cameras. This one was not because he couldn’t breathe, but because he was worried he would cause a scene running out in the street with a scarf over his face. Too bad he unmasked right in front of a CCTV camera. It’s also …
Continue reading “He’ll Need That Scarf Now That He’s Heading To The Cooler”