I don’t know what this guy’s situation was ( either broke and hungry or total asshole seem like good bets), but whatever it was, it maybe should have been obvious that stuffing a container of piping hot spaghetti down his pants wasn’t going to be the best way to improve it. https://www.facebook.com/339711689547929/videos/313878919498372/ The footage shows …
Category Archives: master criminals
You Can’t Half Your Cake And Eat It Too
I give this woman, or perhaps just her giant testicles, bonus points for trying. Yeah, definitely just the nuts. The rest of her *is* nuts and gets no bonus points for thinking this would work. The suspect, who has not been identified, entered the bakery section of the store and proceeded to eat half of …
Gotta Smoke ‘Em All
If you’re going to play Pokemon Go in a park, maybe make sure the park is open. Oh, and maybe also leave your big ass drug stash at home. A Hillsborough deputy observed Ortiz had marijuana in plain view and also noted Ortiz was actively trying to catch a wild Pokemon. A search of Ortiz’s vehicle …
Smile, You’re ON Stolen Camera
I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but if you’re going to go into your neighbour’s garage and make off with one of his paint brushes and his fancy new security camera, maybe take an extra second to make sure that the camera isn’t on and streaming the entire time. https://www.facebook.com/bossiersheriff/videos/2263233837099308/ Bossier Sheriff’s Office patrol …
How Many Naked, Drunken Burglars Does It Take To Unscrew Some Light Bulbs?
I’ve been sitting here for about the last five minutes trying to figure out what this fella’s plan might have been. Maybe the fireplace poker is a weapon. Sensible enough. Maybe you unscrew the light bulbs so that if your intrusion is detected they can’t get a look at you, buying you some time to …
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Here, Take My Card. Oh, And My Shween
Lewdness incident at Vineland Public Library leads to arrest A library patron told officers she was sitting and reading a book on Monday when a man struck up a conversation and gave her a card identifying himself as Darell Jones. While chatting, the man reportedly moved closer to the woman and exposed himself, prompting her to move away and …
Did She Have To Dust Herself?
Let’s be clear. Groping somebody who does not wish to be groped is never a good or smart thing to do. But it is especially unsmart when the person in question is the fingerprint lady who happens to be booking you into jail. As Evans was being fingerprinted by technician Dena Pham, he allegedly “reached …
Hey Hey! Ho Ho! All Of Us Have Got To Go!
I totally understand being irritated by the constant noise, but I question the logic of using laxatives to *stop* incessant tooting. Angered by the noise coming from a union picket line across frome their home, an Ohio couple allegedly made sugar cookies spiked with a laxative and gave the baked goods to striking school employees, …
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Ahh What The Heck. I’m Already Here Anyway
I don’t know what other problems Casey Michael Lewis may have, but impulse control is clearly an issue for him. According to police, Casey Michael Lewis, 34, was booked into the St. Lucie County jail around 4 AM Thursday following his arrest at a Walmart for grand theft, a felony, and other charges. Lewis bonded …
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Look On The Bright Side. You Did End UP Getting Screwed
The best thing about the story of Jon Omer Sengul isn’t that he called 911 to complain about a prostitution transaction gone awry, but rather that he seemed to know exactly what he was doing and didn’t much care. And yes, his name being Jon is also kind of fun. When contacted by police, Sengul …
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