Man shot to death in Newark for second straight night
Category Archives: news
No OnionWars For Now
I was very, very excited when it was first announced that The Onion was going to be buying InfoWars. But it looks like I’ll have to put a lid on that excitement for now, because a judge has just rejected the bid on procedural and transparency grounds. The door isn’t closed on the Onion folks …
If The Justice System Doesn’t Get Him, The Afterlife Might
I’m not a believer, but I often find these sorts of coincidences funny. It’s as though if there is a god, he’s making sure people know to keep their hands off his shit. Theft is only for evangelists, dammit! A drunken thief was injured after falling on the sword of a statue of St. Michael …
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Thanks For Your Help, Said Both Sides Of The Equation
Our boy made a couple of mistakes here. If you’re going to shoplift at Walmart, maybe leave the 37 pounds of marijuana at home instead of in the trunk of your car. If for some reason you haven’t done that, definitely don’t give your key fob to the police when they offer to help you …
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Gosh Darn It, I Forgot To Bring A Reusable Again. How Silly Of Me
Though I understand the impulse to get annoyed when all you want is one simple bag in which you can carry one simple thing and you can’t have one, this seems like a slight overreaction. Seems like some Olympic level grudge holding, too. At around 10:30 p.m. Saturday, the driver slammed the car into the …
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InfoWars To Finally Become Something Of Value
I cannot wait for this. The Onion, the satirical news company that repeatedly spoofed conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, has won the bankruptcy auction for control over his media empire — most notably InfoWars, the far-right, conspiracy-minded website that served as Jones’ primary online platform. The Onion plans to shutter Jones’ InfoWars and rebuild the website …
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I Really need To Be Mad About This, But I Can’t Afford The Outrage Fee
You really do learn something new every day. I, for example, just learned that in many parts of the United States there exists something called a rental application fee, and that those words mean exactly what they sound like they mean. I shouldn’t be because if there’s a way to rip a customer off a …
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It’s Time For Not Calling 911 About Tims
It’s always fun listening to someone who appears to be discovering in real time that he’s being a total dipshit. You can almost feel the panic, mental calculations and sense of resignation in your own self as reality sets in. Coffee mishaps are brutal, but NOT a 911 emergency! Nor were nearly 125,000 misuse calls …
The Best News Bloopers Of September 2024
Does anyone have any idea how YouTube’s personalized notifications work? There seems to be no rhyme or reason to anything they do. “Oh, you’ve subscribed to this channel because you enjoy its semi-regular offerings and would like to know when there are new ones? Perfect. You’ll never hear from it again. But here, have this …
Perhaps We Need A Registry For That, Too
I’m having a little trouble figuring out exactly how stupid this gentleman is. Like clearly he’s stupid, but is he stupid or is he stuuuuuuupid? Police say a Hamilton man went to Kitchener around 11 a.m. on Thursday to “meet with a female youth for a sexual purpose.” When he arrived at the meeting spot …