“What Is The Nature Of Your Emergency?" "A Chatterbox!”

When I first heard about the woman who called the emergency number because her guest talked too much, I was mad at her. But when I heard she had talked for 30 hours straight, had ignored encouragements to leave, and had become progressively more drunk, I changed my tune. Maybe she should have called just …

Let’s Play Cops and Robbers With This Real-Looking Gun Here!

If you’re a police officer, how do you go to a park with your service pistol, somehow drop it, not realize you’ve dropped it, and not notice it was missing until it is returned to you? As an aside, why would you be training a police dog at 5 a.m. in the park? With your …

Gory Gory, What A Hell Of A Way To Die

Uh, I think we may have found the rest of Timothy Placko’s stuff. It was found smothering Joyce Germain. A foot spa? An iron chord around her neck? A construction hat on top of the pile of household items? A toaster hanging over the shower rail? A clothespin on her genetals? But two autopsies cannot …

He Should Have Just Said He Was At A Yard Sale

The best word I can come upwith to describe this one is what the fuck? Timothy J. Placko was stopped by police in Port St. Lucie, Florida, who noticed his van driving down a wooded trail Sunday night. I don’t quite know how to describe what happened next, so some snips will have to do. …

I’m Surprised He Didn’t Have Golf Clubs With Him Too

It’s things like this that make me wonder why I bother getting up every morning. A man was hit by lightning and killed during Tuesday night’s violent thunderstorm in Toronto. Witnesses said the 29-year-old man was struck while taking shelter under a tree at Christie Pits in central Toronto at about 8 p.m. An autopsy …

I Did What? I’m Seeing Judge Who?

The story of Brett Tyler Schatte would have been a pretty good one even without being able to play the name game. I mean you know it’s been a hell of a night when you’re finally hauled into the clink after walking naked into a convenience store at 10 to 3 in the morning, eating …

Who Wins The Medical Stupidity Prize?

Ok, so now we have a stupidity war. We have penis cream stupid versus ozone treatments via vaginal blowing stupid. Yeah, and going up and down on the bed and saying “Oh boy!” is necessary, too. And the woman’s dead now. Where was her common sense? This guy must be a total scumbag. I’m sure …