>This is another case where I have no words, and I can hear the words “We’re doomed!” resounding in my head. I can also hear the words of another man. I do some work for an adult literacy organization here in Guelph, and they had a little volunteer appreciation night. Someone who’s been with them …
Category Archives: news
Incinerate Me Elmo
Maybe the whole reason we’ve had kids burning other kids in sheds and lighting each other with bug spray in Winnipeg is because of the presence of lighters with cartoon characters on them. I don’t think so, but it can’t be helping. Who in their right mind would design an Elmo or Cookie Monster lighter? …
That’s Never Happened Before
If you’ve ever wondered what exactly makes a person a life-long premature ejaculator, now you know. The definition was developed after lengthy critical evaluation of the evidence presented in more than 100 studies on the sexual problem published over the last 65 years. It was unanimously agreed by the experts that the definition of lifelong …
Lock The Garage And Hide The Loved Ones
Apparentlycar fuckingis more widespread than we thought, at least so saysthis story from the Telegraph. I don’t have enough confidence in my abilities as a writer or reporter to think that I could ever do this thing justice, so I’ll let the words of Washington’s Edward Smith do the talking for me. “I appreciate beauty …
Friends Don’t Let Themselves Drive Drunk
Some of you might remember thestory of Pat Dykstra,the woman who called 911 from behind the wheel of her car to report that she was too drunk to drive. Well, strange as it sounds, and to me it sounds quite strange because I can’t remember 1 case of this in my lifetime let alone 2 …
I’m Starting To Really Hate Tim Hortons
From the company that brought youlet’s try to run a charity cafe out of businessand le’ts fire a nice lady because she had the nerve to give an infant a free Timbit comes another blockbuster. Introducinglet’s not allow pregnant homeless people to eat in our stores and follow Good Samaritans around after they’ve left so …
Yes He Does
Arrested Tuesday for calling 911 15 times in the same night because he couldn’t get a cab quickly enough isKevin Lewis Waits. Bonus: The theft of service charge he’s facing probably stems from his not having enough money to pay the taxi that had come for him by the time the cops arrived.
And Like Magic, Everybody Looks Dumb
We have an update on the wizard supply teacher, this one even more disconcerting than the first story, but for different reasons. The first story said Jim Piculas was fired for wizardry. Now this story claims there’s more, and I can understand some of it being somewhat more serious. I’m still not sure if immediate …
Baby You Can Drive My Car
Since we’ve somehow gotten into the habit of following things like this, it’s time for another exciting (yes I used that word intentionally) instalment of Stuff People Hump. This time the perpetrator is 18-year-old Callum Ainsworth of Kilwinning in the UK, and his victim isa car. Callum Ainsworth, 18, is accused of running along a …
Those MySpace Safety Features Are Turning Out Great
I’m not the kind of person you’d normally find defending somebody who had sex with a 13-year-old girl, but you know what they say about every rule having an exception. And if there was ever a time for an exception to be made, I think this is it. Morris Williams, 22, has beensentencedto 5 years …
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