Here Comes Dumb George

It’s always a little disappointing when somebody whose contributions to your entertainment you’ve enjoyed goes and ruins everything by showing himself to be kind of a moron. Hopefully I’ll still be able to listen to most Van Morrison without wanting to reach through whatever speaker I happen to be close to so I can punch …

Good Boy! Who’s A Furry Little Omelette?

Barb wrote me about some assholes running a puppy scam in Kingston, Ontario. “I want to feel sorry for the people who got scammed,” she says. “But then I read the best sentence I’ve ever read in my life.” She’s not wrong. It’s quite fantastic. These malicious pet shop sites sometimes include poorly written testimonials …

You’ll Have Some Explaining To Do When U-Haul Yourself To The Emergency Room

If you don’t have time to watch the news video or in case it gets pulled and I have to clue future me in to where to start looking for a replacement, this is basically what happened. A man, a term I use loosely in this case, was arguing with a woman that police and …

Gob Blabbit, I Thed Gleeb Id Dowd Ub Dere! Ad Gall Be Ad Abulamfe!

As someone who has been renting apartments for a shade over two decades now (sweet Jesus I’m old), I feel confident when I say that there are many, and I do mean many, ways of dealing with a noisy neighbour that are superior to shooting yourself in the face. A Phoenix man is in extremely …

Milk: It Does A Body Better Than Whatever Else He Put In There

Homeowner finds naked man singing in kitchen, drinking milk Authorities say a Pennsylvania homeowner who heard someone singing inside his home found a naked man drinking milk in his kitchen. Erie police say the homeowner heard the singing around 3 a.m. Monday. He grabbed his pistol, went to investigate and soon found the man sitting …

Stop, Listen, Think

Guelph woman loses $3,800 in bitcoin scam involving fake government official Forget for a moment that the government or police or whoever is telling you to send them bitcoin in order to sort out a court case. Don’t ever send it, but for now that’s the least of our problems. What I’m more concerned about …

The Dumbest Smart Laundry System Ever

Ten years ago, I wrote this frustrating rundown of trying to refill my laundry card. That was 10 years ago! And the sad thing is very little has changed. We have made some improvements, but the system still has some pretty big flaws in it, and the flaws are brain-snappingly stupid. Back in November, for …

Well…He’s Definitely Driving Something. Book Him

60-year-old man charged after having sex in a car across from the station: Brant OPP I’m not saying this fella is among the best and the brightest or anything (there are better places for sex than in a car in a parking lot across from a police station), but if there’s no mention of him …

Don’t Run With Scissors, Jimmy. Snort Them Instead

Excuse me, but why do these exist? pic.twitter.com/xL0SYEeR1R — Geekygirlforever (@scifichick25) September 27, 2019 Seriously, what in the actual hell is this and how did it ever go beyond the wouldn’t it be funny if…stage? Another fun and innovative product from Westcott! Sniffs are the first and only scented kids’ scissors, sure to make crafts, …

The Car Broke Down! What Do We Do!? I Know, Let’s Call Lyft Your Stuff

This should be your typical Master Criminals tale. Two thieves are caught in the act, they try to flee but can’t because their getaway car has other plans, but then, instead of taking off on foot, they decide to hang out and call someone else for a ride. Indeed, this ought to nestle neatly into …