My Gang Can Beat Up Your Gang

I shouldn’t have to tell any of you this, but if you ever find yourself tempted to question the toughness of an area’s street gangs compared to that of the ones where you’re from, just don’t. Failure to heed this seemingly obvious warning is likely to land you in the same place as an unidentified …

Was Everyone at Hershey On Drugs?

Yeah, this sounds like a great idea. Hershey has decided to put out a candy that looks remarkably like nickel bags of drugs. What could possibly go wrong? Hmmm. Let’s see. People could get wrongfully arrested for eating candy. Kids could accidentally get a hold of bags of drugs and swallow their contents thinking they’re …

Yep, That’s Definitely A Disaster

Here I go again, ragging on Britain. But in this case, I think they deserve a whole hell of a lot more. A junior official decided that the best way to send two computer disks full of the bank account and personal info of every British citizen receiving the child benefit, i.e. every family in …

It’s Not Me, Eh, Sir!

Wow. This is just dumb. Police are looking for Anthony Johnson, a black dude. Somehow, they get his license number mixed up with that of Andrew Johnson, a white dude, and Andrew Johnson gets grabbed. He’s released, but his license is suspended until he can prove that he isn’t Anthony Johnson! Hellooo! How hard is …

Anything To Declare? Yeah, A Dead Man, Thanks To You!

I hope I never need some kind of emergency ambulance transport across the border. If I do, I hope the ambulance carrying me doesn’t get stopped by Customs Officers, like happened to poor Rick Laporte. The man had a heart attack, needed emergency angioplasty, and the closest place to go was Detroit. His heart stopped …

Remembrance Day Forgetfulness

I was watching the news last night, and a story came on that doesn’t even need the time of day. But, it’s the local news, where coverage of snow blowing around in open areas is considered important, and it being another scorcher out there gets top priority, so I guess it’s slim pickin’s. Anyway, the …

What’s With Me and Gerbils Today?

Oh my god. I just talked to the stupidest person doing telemarketing in the universe. This story makes more sense if I can imitate this numbnut’s voice, but I’ll try to simulate it in writing. I pick up, and this voice says, “Hello. uh, um, Carin?” Damn me to hell for giving to charities over …

Which Is Lower, The Temperature Or Your IQ?

The Cool Cash lottery game has been pulled from stores in the UK after a number of complaints from angry customers whofailed to grasp how it worked. The game, unveiled late last month, required players to scratch off a window to reveal a temperature. If that temperature was lower than another figure shown on the …