I know in the grand scheme of things Kinder Surprise eggs are pretty small, but you know what’s even smaller? Your exit hatch. So the fact that now current Ottawa-Carleton Detention Centre resident Damian O’Reilly seems to have set an unofficial record by managing to fit eight of them into his is, in its own …
Category Archives: that was dumb
My Love For This Team Is A Burning Love. To The Second And Third Degree, To Be Specific
There’s nothing wrong with making a friendly wager on a sporting event. I’ve been known to bet a few bucks or a dinner here and there. And if fire didn’t scare the living shit out of me and if the things weren’t so god damned expensive, I could maaaaaaaaaaybe see myself making a loser burns …
More Like Sputtering To A Sad Halt Like A Couple Of Losers ON Empty
Before you run from the police, you should really think long and hard about the potential ramifications of that decision. What if you don’t get away? Is whatever this is worth going to jail over? What if you cause an accident? Is possibly killing yourself or someone else a risk you’re truly willing to take? …
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I Was Just Trying A Different Door Like You Said
I likely would have posted this regardless because it’s the sort of thing we tend to enjoy, but it’s nearer and dearer to my heart than usual because I used to live in Woodstock and still have some family there. Guess what, guys. You’re officially smarter than at least one neighbour. Congratulations. The 41-year-old man, …
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The Sun And Jocsan Feliciano Rosado: Two Things That Weren’t Very Bright On Monday
What can’t this week’s eclipse do? It excited, it educated, it brought people together, it helped the police catch a suspected car thief…wait, what? Rosado parked the stolen car at Harbor Freight on Osceola Parkway in Kissimmee, and bought a welder’s mask to safely view the solar eclipse. As Rosado was standing in the parking …
I Meant To Say That! It’s An Obscure Play By The Great Tennessee Wieners!
Maybe the blind kid isn’t the first one who should be making fun of folks for sucking at Wheel of Fortune, but come on, Kevin! I won’t blame you for not seeing the play (I haven’t either), but all you needed was one letter, man! One! Stinkin’! Letter! I’m going to sit here and imagine …
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Are You Happy To See Me Or Did You Leave Weed In Your Gitch Again
Let’s mark this one down as a good try. And when I say good, of course what I actually mean is what a terrible, terrible try. A Port St. Lucie police officer about 11:20 p.m. spotted a “suspicious vehicle/parking violation” involving a Chevrolet Silverado in the 600 block of Southeast Majestic Terrace. An officer smelled …
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Have You Checked Your Nose?
I don’t know this for an absolute fact, but if you put a gun to my head and told me to guess I’m pretty sure I’d tell you that yes, David Blackmon was more than likely getting high on his own supply. If not his own, then somebody’s. Why else would he have called the …
Don’t Mind Me, I’m Just Gonna Cruise On Home
In case you were wondering (god I hope you’re not), there are no good times to steal a police cruiser. There are only bad times and worse times, And one of the worst times of all is when the cruiser on which you have your eye is sitting in the parking lot of its police …
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Swing And A Miss, His Luck Is Out
As a lad, I remember watching Danny Tartabull play baseball. He was pretty good at it as I recall, especially at the part where you hit the ball very well seemingly more often than you miss it. But as good as he was at that, he was apparently much less good at paying his child …