Of all the sites on the internet, this is one.
I don’t wanna be that guy, but fuck it, I’m gonna be that guy. Now where’d I put my tiny violin? A Mexican man who spent almost two decades living in the United States was deported back to his home country late Tuesday, separating him from his US-born wife, who voted for President Donald Trump. …
Continue reading “Come On, Man! You Lied About Everything Else!”
I know in the grand scheme of things Kinder Surprise eggs are pretty small, but you know what’s even smaller? Your exit hatch. So the fact that now current Ottawa-Carleton Detention Centre resident Damian O’Reilly seems to have set an unofficial record by managing to fit eight of them into his is, in its own …
There’s nothing wrong with making a friendly wager on a sporting event. I’ve been known to bet a few bucks or a dinner here and there. And if fire didn’t scare the living shit out of me and if the things weren’t so god damned expensive, I could maaaaaaaaaaybe see myself making a loser burns …
Before you run from the police, you should really think long and hard about the potential ramifications of that decision. What if you don’t get away? Is whatever this is worth going to jail over? What if you cause an accident? Is possibly killing yourself or someone else a risk you’re truly willing to take? …
Continue reading “More Like Sputtering To A Sad Halt Like A Couple Of Losers ON Empty”
I likely would have posted this regardless because it’s the sort of thing we tend to enjoy, but it’s nearer and dearer to my heart than usual because I used to live in Woodstock and still have some family there. Guess what, guys. You’re officially smarter than at least one neighbour. Congratulations. The 41-year-old man, …
Continue reading “I Was Just Trying A Different Door Like You Said”
What can’t this week’s eclipse do? It excited, it educated, it brought people together, it helped the police catch a suspected car thief…wait, what? Rosado parked the stolen car at Harbor Freight on Osceola Parkway in Kissimmee, and bought a welder’s mask to safely view the solar eclipse. As Rosado was standing in the parking …
Maybe the blind kid isn’t the first one who should be making fun of folks for sucking at Wheel of Fortune, but come on, Kevin! I won’t blame you for not seeing the play (I haven’t either), but all you needed was one letter, man! One! Stinkin’! Letter! I’m going to sit here and imagine …
Continue reading “I Meant To Say That! It’s An Obscure Play By The Great Tennessee Wieners!”
Let’s mark this one down as a good try. And when I say good, of course what I actually mean is what a terrible, terrible try. A Port St. Lucie police officer about 11:20 p.m. spotted a “suspicious vehicle/parking violation” involving a Chevrolet Silverado in the 600 block of Southeast Majestic Terrace. An officer smelled …
Continue reading “Are You Happy To See Me Or Did You Leave Weed In Your Gitch Again”
I don’t know this for an absolute fact, but if you put a gun to my head and told me to guess I’m pretty sure I’d tell you that yes, David Blackmon was more than likely getting high on his own supply. If not his own, then somebody’s. Why else would he have called the …
In case you were wondering (god I hope you’re not), there are no good times to steal a police cruiser. There are only bad times and worse times, And one of the worst times of all is when the cruiser on which you have your eye is sitting in the parking lot of its police …
Continue reading “Don’t Mind Me, I’m Just Gonna Cruise On Home”