Hey there, blind people. How many times have you found yourself alone in a bathroom, face to face with a toothbrush and toothpaste only to realize, panic stricken, that oh god and sweet baby Jesus I have no idea how to work this? Never? Me neither. But now that problem has been solved anyway thanks …
Category Archives: that was dumb
Down In The Bottom Of The Swamp Swamp Swamp
Tommie Woodward clearly never heard this song as a child. Orange County Justice of the Peace Rodney Price told CNN affiliate KFDM that Woodward ignored verbal warnings and a posted “No Swimming Alligators” sign and seemed to mock the deadly creatures before going in the water. “He removed his shirt, removed his billfold … someone …
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The Fine For Misusing 911 Is Probably Worth More Than The Drugs You Didn’t Get, Lady
This right here is basically your run of the mill drugged up idiot calls 911 to please fix a bad marijuana deal story, but I’m putting it up because this is also the part where I admit I’m out of touch. Daneshia Lachelle Heller, who I should note was walking around with other drugs in …
The Great Non-Robbery Robbery That Was A Robbery But Wasn’t Or At Least Shouldn’t Be, You Know What I Mean?
Dominyk Alfonseca definitely handed a bank teller a robbery note. She definitely put money on the counter for him. He was definitely arrested with a bag full of cash. We know these things are definites because he posted photos and videos on his Instagram of all but one of those things happening and admits to …
Next Time At Least Take A Stab At A Better Hideout
If I were Jared Hudson and I’d just had an argument with my dad that ended when I stabbed him multiple times in the head with a screwdriver, running and hiding would most likely be my idea too. But of all the places I might go, I’d not have thought of one of the washrooms …
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Call The Cops And I’ll Kill You! No Way. You’ll Just Back Out Like You Always Do, You Jerk
I’ve lost count of how many times some fool has called the cops to straighten out a less than desirable drug transaction and I can even recall a prostitution deal or two going wrong over the years with similar results. But a customer and his hired hitman both calling the police to settle the monetary …
If You’re Wanting To Try To Sell Hot Pizza Pies, Just Forget It
Good: Making money. Bad: By steeling 5 cases of frozen pizza from a local warehouse and attempting to sell them. Worse: To the town’s police department. Troopers in Nome received reports of a burglary at the Gambell Native Store warehouse at around 10:00 a.m. Sunday in the village of Gambell. Investigations revealed that 29-year-old John …
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Once You Go Black You Never Go Back…Until Your Clever Disguise Washes Off
You almost have to give Jose Espinoza here some creativity points. Sensing that the police were on to the stolen car he had parked near his home and likely either knew who he was or were close to finding out, Espinoza did what most people would do. He ran. And though you can argue the …
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I’m Not Sure I’ll Get The Job, But I Might As Well Take A Stab At It
Bad: Showing up drunk for your job interview. Worse: Getting into a fight with your prospective boss when he notices. Worse than that: Stabbing him when it looks like he’s going to win. El Cajon police say the applicant, Jose Lopez, showed up drunk to a job interview at 207 South Sunshine Avenue. When the …
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Direworks
We’ve used this before, but it seems appropriate. I realize that alcohol was a factor here, but I cannot in good faith and conscience place the blame squarely on its shoulders this time. For while it does indeed make some people do some very stupid things, I refuse to believe that booze and booze alone …