If I’m Going To Be Out Walking The Streets, I’ll Be Needing Some Shoes

So, Christopher M. Miller. After a long 15 years in the slammer for robbing a shoe store with a box cutter, you’re finally free. What are you going to do now? Think I’m gonna head back there and rob it again, but without a weapon this time. When Christopher M. Miller woke up Friday morning, …

Behold The Samurai Sword Of Soft Justice

Remember that time the British cop tased a blind guy because he thought his white cane was a samurai sword? Well, the wheels of justice have turned as the wheels of justice do, and the hammer of harsh punishment has been swung squarely in the direction of the officer in question. As such, it has …

He Was So Close To Pulling It Off

I probably should have known better, but I didn’t think things like this actually happened. WICKER PARK — The owner of a Division Street bar got an unpleasant but slightly comical surprise when an apparent burglar managed to remove a lock on the bar’s front door — but couldn’t get in because he was pulling …

Hoaxing The Media With Chef Keith

Have you ever come across one of those cooking segments on TV and either thought quietly to yourself or said aloud “Gross! What the fuck is that supposed to be?” If yes, congratulations. You have an eye more critical than that of producers and hosts employed by at least 5 television news departments. Nick Prueher, …

Good Cop Bad Cop

Either Emmanuel Augustine shouldn’t hold his breath waiting for that big promotion to detective, or they’ve got some really good undercover officers in Harris County, Texas’ Precinct 4 Constable’s Office. How good? Good enough that they managed to net a patrol deputy with 5 years of service to Harris County, Texas’ Precinct 4 Constable’s Office …

That Was Pretty Stoopid, Chief

I’ve learned that expecting the general public to be able to tell a parody from the real thing can sometimes be a lot to ask, but shouldn’t we all be able to expect better from a police chief? Annapolis Police Chief Michael A. Pristoop thought he came prepared when he testified before a Maryland state …

No, They Only *Act* Like They’re From Another Planet

A lot of Canadians like to take digs at Americans over how much they don’t know about other countries. “If it’s not their own home, they’re ignorant,” says the popular opinion. Well, the popular opinion might want to rethink that, since at least some of them don’t seem to know all that much about their …

Rob Ford Does His Part To Ensure That Being Rob Ford Doesn’t Spread To Future Generations

So, how did you celebrate Canada’s big gold medal hockey win on Sunday? Did you drink a few beers? Clap? Yell? Cheer? Scream? Accidentally mash your man parts into a fire hydrant? Rob Ford runs groin-first into fire hydrant while celebrating Canada’s gold medal in hockey For the second straight time, Rob Ford’s celebration of …

They Could Use Some More Toilet Paper To Help Them Clean Up The Crap They’re In Now

Hey Brad. Is it me, or does this sound like something our dad could have done? Cheryl Crausewell said neighborhood kids rolled her yard and house in the Hickory Ridge community on Saturday. She and her son worked to clean up the mess on Monday, but some of the toilet paper was still stuck in …

Lol OMG UR Fat Love Teh Government XOXOXO!

Seriously, who comes up with this stuff? Who stands up in a meeting and says “I’ve got it, you guys! I can solve our fat people problem! You see, what we’re gonna do is wait until they’re 18, set a minimum butterball threshold and then text them every day to remind them that getting off …