Guns For The Blind

James sent this story, which I’m sure has just about everybody in Minnesota scared shitless.

Guns for the Blind?

A Minneapolis gun shop owner thinks the blind should be able to carry guns.

So, starting in December, Koscielski’s Gun Shop will be offering a training course to the visually impaired or blind.

But is it safe?

Koscielski’s says the disabled should be allowed to protect themselves just like everyone else.

If approved, the course would help blind people qualify for a right to carry permit.

By the way, there is no Minnesota law prohibiting the blind from having a gun.

Big John

Brad sent this in, and it cracks me up.

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops. A few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.

He glared at the driver and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five three, thin, and basically meek? Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened. Big John got on again, made a big show of refusing to pay, and sat down. The same thing happened the next day, and the one after that, and so forth.

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.
Finally, he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body-building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; and what’s more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed “AND WHY NOT?!?!”

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, “Big John has a bus pass.”

No Thanks

Serbs line up for testicle shocks Are condoms really that much of a pain?

Men in Serbia are lining up to have electric shocks delivered to their testicles as part of a new contraceptive treatment.
Serbian fertility expert Dr Sava Bojovic, who runs one of the clinics offering the service, said the small electric shock makes men temporarily infertile by stunning their sperm into a state of immobility.
He said: “We attach electrodes to either side of the testicles and send low electricity currents flowing through them.

Destination Frustration

God damn! I didn’t know a day could be ruined by a 95-k dos, yes, you heard me right, dos game. And to think it all started with a stroll down memory lane. Then I decided, oo I think I’ll idly play this old game I used to play when I had a really slow computer that was lucky if it could handle wordperfect 5.1, just as a bit of amusement. Just imagine the game. It was designed for really slow processors, so the sound effects, which come through the PC speaker I might add, practically don’t even exist when they’re played on today’s computers. But I thought, aa yes, the simple simple games from days of yore. Simple? I challenged the wrong demons of fate.

I started out playing a game called Run for President. It’s kind of like a political monopoly game, only you buy states instead of streets and then whoever manages to get a certain number of votes first wins. I won that one first try. Feeling all invigorated and as if I was game-master, I took on Destination Mars, and oh lord…oh lord.

When did I start this? Can I remember? *brain strains, smoke comes out my ears, more smoke…* I think it was around 10:30 or so. It is now shortly after 2:00. So far, I have crashlanded, exploded, suffocated, been vaporized by aliens, self-destructed due to too much damage, and run out of fuel, most of them multiple times. Who said dos games were simple? *flop*.

Slow the Hell Down!

I’m really starting to think we try to pack way way way too much into the day. Either that or we’re getting lazier and lazier. I was watching a show on TV when a commercial came on for something that scared me. It was for premade smoothies from McCain. Does that frighten anyone else? When I think smoothie, I think cool blended fruity creation that I decided to whip up from fresh fruit I had around. Or I think of a drink that’s made in front of me at a coffee shop somewhere. I don’t think crack open a can and drink like pop. I can’t find references to the McCain ones anywhere to find out what’s in them, but I found something similar that apparently started being made a few years ago. It combined some kind of juice and something called veggie milk. Does that scare anyone? These smoothies just seem a little too smooth for my liking.

Then I saw another ad for Uncle Ben’s rice that started off with “Minute rice too complicated?” What? How complicated can adding some rice to some water and cooking be? This new rice came in its own microwavable bowl and the ad bragged about how there were no “pots”. Plural? For some rice? Why in hell would your average person need multiple pots to cook some rice? What is in this rice that makes it even easier to make than minute rice? I can’t seem to find it so I can find out and be scared forever.

It makes me think of what one comedian, Brian Regan, said about the microwave directions on packages of pop tarts. If your life is so busy that you only have time to spare three seconds to nuke the pop tarts, then maybe you should slow down a little. Do we really have to have everything premade? Has anyone noticed that it doesn’t taste nearly as good? Hey I like a little of that stuff, but premade smoothies and minute rice being too complicated? That’s going a little too far I think.

What are Those Things on My Head For?

Sometimes I wonder if we’re de-evolving and some people have lost the ability to use those round things with black centres that change in size with the light, ya know, eyes? I have to admit, some people are very observant. I met a guy who could put everything he moved back where he found it. but today I met some people who probably wouldn’t notice if aliens landed in their front yard.

I went out to get some things, and went to cross the street like I always do. But the traffic lights were not working, so the cars were sort of just playing nice and waiting for each other to go through. This is pretty crazy, because five streets meet at this corner at weird angles.

When I get to the store, which is on the corner of these streets, and walk in and mention that the traffic lights aren’t working, I get a response as if I’m speaking another language. These people, who could presumably look out the window and see the chaos out there, were completely unaware of it. If they couldn’t do that, the store is full of people, so I’m sure at least one of them would have mentioned how nuts it was that this major traffic light was on the fritz. But they had no idea, and thought I was on crack.

This isn’t an isolated incident. Otherwise I could just say the girl working in the store is a total ditz and laugh it off. But I can’t count the number of times I have pointed at a sign and said, “what does that say?” and gotten a bewildered “I don’t know!” If people aren’t just plain unobservant, I can only conclude that the illiteracy problem is overwhelming in this town, and I’m afraid.

I know I’m not the most observant person in the world and probably miss stuff. But I think if I had a set of working eyes, I’d be able to read a sign or notice a street corner in utter chaos. At least, I’d hope so.

Rememberance Day Brawl

So Thursday I head out with some friends for a little clubbing. Around 2:’ish the place is dying down and we’re starving so we decided to go across the street, loaded to the gills, to Denny’s for some early morning food. Over the course everyone’s buzz starts to die but we’re all still pretty happy. We finish our meals and head up to the front to pay. As we walk by a table with some people who appear to be like us, young loaded and hungry. But something’s different. Where the rest of us are wearing poppies, this chick’s wearing a poppy with the Nazi symbol through the center of it.

Needless to say, we’re disgusted. Words start to be exchanged between our group and theirs. It starts to get heated between Aaron and Chris and a few of them. My buddy Shane and I manage to get them shoved outside to avoid incident and just got the girls we were with to take our cash and pay.

So we think this is done. We’re outside waiting for our cab still pissed and still talking about it when the assholes come outside and start yelling again. Now I’m right with Aaron and Chris in principle, I’d love to just beat on these assholes. But they ain’t worth it. So Shane and I get in between them again andit looks like it’s calmed down and these people are walking away. I turn back to speak to another friend and when I look back Chris and Aaron are waking after them. So I take off after them and get ahold of Aaron. He tells me he doesn’t wanna do anything but he’s gotta back up Chris in case something happens. We get them reeled back in and everything dies down but it was looking pretty hairy there for a while.

It brings up an interesting debate though. I think the part that hurt the most in the whole thing was that no matter how disrespectful and disgusting what they did was, all those soldiers died so that they have every right to do it. It’s an interesting moral conclusion to have to try and come to. Half the 2nd World War was about tollerance, or a lack there of, so no matter how pissed off what these people did makes me, you have to tollerate or its almost like an additional slap in the face to everything they fought for. It was quite a moral delemma. Pound the retards, or respect the vets. When in doubt, go with the vet’s I suppose.

Drat! Foiled Again!

Wow, more people are coming apart than I thought. Ya know the old theory that tin foil hats would keep out penetrating mind-control rays from the government? Well, some of those who flew over the cuckoo’s nest flew into MIT. and actually put this theory to the test. Yes, people in the electrical engineering and computer science departments actually approved and did this study. I guess the $250000 piece of equipment they used to do it wasn’t busy, so they put aluminum foil hats on a few people, and directed radio frequencies either at their heads from outside the helmet, or from right on their heads especially for those who think there’s a radio in their teeth. They found out that the hats actually amplify the frequency bands used by the government according to the FCC, and think the hat theory was actually started by the government to increase mind control.

I really hope this was a joke study. It almost looks like one. But there’s that element of doubt. But if it’s true, to all the hat-wearing paranoids, way to go, you just invited Big Brother in.