Vomit Comet

No, this isn’t even remotely close to deep or political. The deepest it goes is, wow people are out of it in my town.

There’s this weird coffee store near me. It’s kind of a cool place. There’s a grinder working all the time, and they get blends of coffee that are supposedly made in fair-trade working conditions so little kids aren’t being forced to pick beans and make stuff, etc. Since I’m graduating, I was buying some gifts for some people who have helped me along the way, and I know one of them likes coffee from this store. So I go in there to get him a gift basket. I ask what kind of gift baskets they have, and they tell me they have this one where you get two different kinds of coffee, a chocolate bar, and some tea. Now, here’s my point. The two most popular kinds of coffee they have are Freedom-Fighter, and Chatty Matty.

Chatty Matty I follow, especially if it’s espresso. But what does Freedom-Fighter make you think? To me, it makes me think terrorist. Isn’t that what some terrorists call themselves?

Unable to contain myself, I call the store, blocking my number of course. I ask them what’s in the coffee called Freedom-Fighter. She flatly says, “It’s a blend of Guatemalan and Peruvian coffee.” Surprised that she doesn’t want to know why I’m curious, I can’t leave it alone. I say, “the reason I’m curious is because when I think Freedom-Fighter, I think terrorist, and can’t figure out how coffee and terrorists go together.” The reaction is, well, priceless! First it was..”I’ve never had anyone ask me that before.” then “Um, I didn’t name it….” Then it’s “I never thought about it…” then it’s “well, I guess you can take it any way you want to…I just think someone’s fighting for their freedom.” After assuring her that I wasn’t appalled or anything, just more laughing than anything else, and saying that was the only reason I called, I let the poor befuddled clerk go.

Then I got to thinking, wow, people in this town really live in bubbles. Think about it. If it is one of their most popular blends of coffee, how can at least one other person have not asked that question? Do people not think any more? And, how can it have never crossed her mind that freedom-fighter means terrorist to most people, unless she’s lived under a rock and never heard the term except in the context of coffee? Part of me says she reacted that way because she’s getting paid by the store, and so, to protect their good name, she sort of played dumb. But oh no, the amount of shock and complete surprise in her reaction tells me she honestly had never had that idea float into her head. It just surprises me. I admit that I don’t read and watch as much news as I should, but I at least have a general understanding of what’s going on around me!

Well, the people in the city where I live sure know how to make things interesting. For some unknown reason that no one can agree on, they’ve decided to rip apart the main hub of downtown. Some say it’s to fix sewer pipes, some say it’s to put in phone lines, some just stare mystified at all the fenses and barricades and go, “What the hell?” At any rate, they’ve basically ripped up the place where buses usually come in.

Ok, fine, it had to be done. Glad they’re fixing something, whatever they’re fixing. So they’ve moved the place where buses come in to another set of four corners. Cool. But here’s the part where I get confused. At this new place, they didn’t bother to tell people which bus goes where. And they don’t seem to have kept the same configuration of buses. So it’s really hillarious to watch, because I’m just as confused as the rest of the world. Now, on top of basically having their routes turned on their heads, and apparently having to drive around looking for a place to park, the poor frazzled bus drivers are left answering an endless string of “which bus is this?” or “Is this where this bus comes in?” You’d think the least they could do is put up a few temporary signs. Oh well, at least they didn’t shut down the whole bus system. That would have sucked so huge. And for now, when I look lost, I’ll just look like everybody else.

Wow the weather is psycho. I’d just started to think that spring was here to stay. I’d been saying to people, wow, I think spring is really here. We actually didn’t have too many return visits from Old Man Winter! Perhaps I said that too many times, because I woke up to a nasty surprise! There was snow on the grass! Nooo! It doesn’t seem fair after the almost summer weather we had just last week! All I have to say is it better get gone real fast.

Hey everybody. Sorry for not posting anything since Friday, though I’m not sure how sorry I should be since it’s not like you didn’t have anything to read. Big ups to Carin for keeping things going while I’ve been lazy, and for helping out in general. That’s really cool of her and I appreciate it.

I can totally relate to the whole song thing even though I can’t think of any examples off the top of my head. But it’s weird hearing stuff that you listened to as a young kid and realizing how much deeper a meaning things have and how much you really didn’t understand even though you thought everything made perfect sense. Same goes for things like TV shows and movies and comedy routines. No matter how much you really did get, or thought you got back then, there’s always more to understand. But when you stop and think about it, everything in life is that way. There’s always more to figure out. Wow, that was heavy. I apologize.

While we’re talking site business and things that go on here, feel free to check out the ads if you like what we’re doing. Good things happen when you do that.

Does anybody remember Matt? I’m just curious because nobody’s asking me where he is, how he’s doing and whether or not he still writes here anymore. I’m not complaining, I’m just noticing is all.

Ok, here come a few random thoughts…

Am I the only one who thinks that they should rename Smokey the Bear? You might think I’m nuts, but I honestly can’t figure out how he became so successful in the PSA business with a name like that. I mean it would make sense if he worked for the tobacco lobby, but he doesn’t. He’s the fire prevention bear and maybe it’s just me, but a name like Smokey sort of implies that something went horribly wrong at some point. And if at this point you feel like writing in to tell me how Smokey got his name, don’t waste your time because I already know and my opinion still stands. If you can’t figure out why I feel that way, read this and then try to tell me that it’s not even a little bit mean spirited. After all, there’s a reason why you never see Choppy the Chimp speaking out about the destruction of the rainforest or Timmy the Tumour campaigning for cancer awareness. It’s just wrong. But having said that, I still can’t help but think that Crispy the Caterpillar was completely overlooked during spokesanimal interviews.

But maybe it’s time to retire Smokey anyway. He’s gone through enough. He’s suffered with that awful name for over 50 years now and I for one think he deserves to live out the rest of his days not having to be constantly reminded of how he was almost burned to death but was then captured by a bunch of do gooders, named after his tragic accident and then exploited for the majority of his existence because an ever-increasing number of retards don’t know how to look after a camp fire. We owe him that much.

So the question now becomes if he does retire, who will replace him? I’d say Crispy the Caterpillar but that would just put us back where we started with the whole naming thing and besides, he soured on the whole industry years ago. So no, that won’t do at all. Personally I think we should go with either Hydrant the Hound Dog or Water Bomber the Worm, either of whom would more accurately reflect the prevention message that we’re trying to get across. I would have said “trying to spread,” but that would have been a little too ironic.

There’s a player in the NBA named Darko. I find that really funny, but maybe that’s just my racist side talking.

But speaking of racism, I heard something on the radio this morning that really got on my nerves. There was a story on the news about a guy who tried to lure a teenaged girl into his car by following her as she walked home and repeatedly asking her if she needed a ride. The story went on to describe the suspect as a “non-white” male.” What the hell is that? Have we really “progressed” so much as a society that instead of talking about what colour somebody is, we have to talk about which ones he isn’t even in cases where lives could potentially be saved? Non-white is about as helpful as non-blue or non-Asian in a situation like that. Why not tell us who we *are* looking for instead of who we don’t have to worry about?

And by the way, there’s something you never hear, non-Asian. And you never hear somebody talking about their non-gay friends either. And when was the last time you heard somebody refer to you as a non-asshole? Probably never, because it sounds ridiculous. Non-white is one of those terms that guilty white people came up with in a pathetic attempt to make themselves feel a little less discriminatory. Nothing more, nothing less. It means nothing, and it makes you sound like a prick. Seriously folks, this political correctness has gone insane, and it needs to stop. So if all of you could do me a small favour I’d appreciate it. IF you ever find yourself in the company of someone who uses the term non-white in a serious context, I want you to non-refrain from punching that person right in the goddamn head. Thank you and good day.

I’ll be back with more later, and I bet that Carin will probably have more to say at some point too, so stay tuned, or whatever you’re supposed to stay to a website. We’re not TV or radio, so tuned doesn’t work…any ideas? But yeah, more stuff coming soon. I’ve got a bunch of new searches that need to be put together and who knows what I’ll come across or what will land in my email between now and then so stay…somethinged.