>Does This Guy Like Anybody?

>I just finished reading this
recap
of the newest RF Video shoot interview with New Jack, and oh my God, it’s unreal. How this guy continues to make money in wrestling is beyond me, but what’s more frightening than that is that people will still work with him.

But if you’re a wrestling fan who is at all familiar with ECW and a little bit with some of the bigger indies, or even if you want to see why exactly he hates the Dudley Boys so much, check this thing out. Craziness, that’s all I can say.

More Warnings

Nick’s best friend -666 posted these on the comment boards a little while ago. They’re great.

A label on a baby stroller warns: “Remove child before folding
A brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end warns: “Harmful if swallowed
A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn”
A label on a hair dryer reads, “Never use hair dryer while sleeping”
A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”
The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.”
A smoke detector warns: “Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire.”
A massage chair warns: “DO NOT use massage chair without clothing… and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving.”
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place”
An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions, “Do not use near fire, flame or sparks”
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use “while sleeping or unconscious”
A 12-inch rack for storing compact disks warns: “Do not use as a ladder.”
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: “Not intended for highway use”
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes”
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”
A snowblower warns: “Do not use snowthrower on roof.”
A dishwasher carries this warning: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.”
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution – Risk of Fire”
A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.”

Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers…

You can’t make up stuff like this. And check out the quote at the end. Not so much for what he says, but for the way he says it.

MUSCATINE, Iowa (AP) – A Wal-Mart greeter was sacked for apparently showing too much of his friendly side to customers.

Dean Wooten, 65, was accused of greeting customers with a computer-generated photo of himself in which he appeared to be naked – except for a carefully placed Wal-Mart bag – and of telling customers that Wal-Mart was cutting costs and the sack was the company’s new uniform.

A supervisor at the Muscatine store where Wooten had worked for seven years told him to knock it off after customers complained. He was fired five days later, in September, after he displayed the photo again.

Wooten’s application for unemployment compensation was rejected by an administrative law judge who said “a reasonable person would know the act of showing a naked body wearing a Wal-Mart sack would not be good for the employer’s business.”

Wooten said he did not see the harm in the photo, which he said was made by a friend who spliced a picture of Wooten’s head on to a shot of another man’s body.

“When I first seen it, I pretty near died laughing,” he said.

Here’s a story.

Once upon a time there was a big moron. She was actually kind of short, but she was large in moronic actions. She had been taking a bunch of medicine that the doctors had been telling her to take to keep her well. And she was well, for the most part. Life was happy. Happy and perfect.

One day, she decided, “I don’t need this crap anymore.” She decided to stop taking her medicine. This went on for a year and a half until she was quite a mess. Sick, with no energy, miserable.

She went to the doctor. When she figured out what her moronic patient had done, she let out a shriek that could be heard for quite some distance. And with the push of a few buttons on the telephone, the moron was back on her medicines again.

All seemed well, a happy ending. The moron was much less of a moron and took her pills religiously. But then some time later, she felt sick again. Slowly but surely, even though she kept taking her pills, she descended into a condition similar to what she felt when she incurred the wrath of her doctor. So back to the doctor she went.

After a zillion tests to figure out what was wrong, all of them coming up normal, the doctor began to say it was all in her patient’s head. Finally, a bigger doctor decided to change her pills. And it was like magic! The moron was cured once again!

She went happily on her way for about five months. Then, suddenly, out of the blue, the sickness returned, and with more of a vengeance than ever. She ran to the big doctor, and he told her to go back to the shrieking doctor, because he didn’t think the sickness was his problem. So, now, the moron awaits her appointment with the shrieking doctor who thinks it’s all in her head.

In an attempt to do something out of character and do something smart, she went to the net to read about her sikness and the medicines she takes. And so it was that she found with great dismay, that she may have caused her own undoing by not taking her medicine for that year and a half. Now she wonders what the rest of her life will consist of, and whether she will ever be consistently well again.

So, the moral of the story is, don’t be a moron! If you’re on medicine that you’ve been on for a while, don’t stop taking it without talking to the doctor at the very least! For fuck sakes, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

New Year, New Contest

It’s PPV time once again and as usual that means that it’s Salty Ham roundtable prediction contest time as well. So,
here it is, go check it out.

And since it’s a new year the standings have been wiped clean and we’re starting fresh with a brand new year long competition. Last year I almost won the whole thing but ended up somewhere like fifth, which I’ll probably do worse than this year. Only time will tell, but for now, go check out my picks and those of the others. I think mine are pretty good for this show. Dammit, now I just jinxed myself. But whatever, this post sucks. I’m tired. The roundtable will be more entertaining than this, so go read that.

I Look Forward To These Every Year

Toilet brush wins wacky bowl

Michigan anti-lawsuit group gives out “awards” for wackiest warning labels on products.

A toilet brush with a tag that says “Do not use for personal hygiene” has taken top prize for the wackiest consumer warning label of the year, according to an anti-lawsuit group.

The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, M-LAW, whose main mission is to reveal how lawsuits and anxiety over lawsuits have created a need for overly obvious warnings on products, sponsors The Wacky Warning Label Contest each year.

Other top finishers this year include:

A scooter with the warning “This product moves when used.”

— A digital thermometer with the advice “Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally.”

— An electric blender used for chopping and dicing that reminds users to “Never remove food or other items from the blades while the product is operating.”

— And a three-inch bag of air used for packaging that read “Do not use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device.”

“Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times,” said Robert B. Dorigo Jones, M-LAW president. “Plaintiff’s lawyers who file the lawsuits that prompt these warnings argue they are making us safer, but the warnings have become so long that few of us read them anymore– even the ones we should read.”

The group hopes the contest will remind us all to read the warnings on our products more carefully and motivate judges to stop what it says are frivolous lawsuits.

The winning labels were chosen by listeners of a popular morning radio show in Detroit, the group said.

If I can find the full list, I’ll post it. Generally there are a lot of good ones.

Why I’m Glad Christmas Is Over

It’s not the religion. It’s not those annoying songs. It’s not even that people become more fake than usual at this time of year because “it’s the holidays so we should all love one another.” No, my reason for being glad the holiday season is finally at it’s end is much worse than the horror that is any of those. Quite simply, now that Christmas is over, they’ll finally stop shoing that stupid Canadian Tire commercial on TV. Anybody who knows what I’m talking about is probably wondering which one I mean since they’re all stupid, but to me, this one takes the cake. I’m talking about the Christmas themed one that didn’t feature the regular plot of man advertising to the guy next door or marketing to his family gushing about the new Mastercraft toilet paper that he found only at Canadian Tire. No, I mean the other Christmas one, the one that started showing up sometime around November or so.

There’s a family getting ready for Christmas. They’re happy, they’re shopping, they’re finding great deals at Canadian Tire, things couldn’t be better. But wait, something is wrong. The cute little kid, or at least what they’d like us to believe is a cute little kid is not happy and doesn’t think that Christmas is coming. And why? Because as he puts it in that little voice of his that makes me want to kick him down 17 flights of stairs every time I hear it, “Santa isn’t coming because we don’t have a fireplace!” Sorry, let me try that again. “Thanta ithn’t coming becauthe we don’t have a fiow-plathe!” There, that’s more like it.

So time passes, the family is still happy, and the lisping little bastard is getting more and more upset because “Chrithtmath” can’t possibly come due to his family’s lack of a fireplace and Santa’s inability to find his way in without it. It’s around this time when I start wondering if he’s got any friends in apartment buildings who could set him straight, but that’s neither here nor there so we’ll move on.

Ok, it’s Christmas and the moment of truth has arrived for our little friend. Did “Thanta” make it to his “houthe?” Is there going to be a “Chrithmath?” Well of course there is, it’s a commercial, and commercials always have happy endings at Christmas when you’re supposed to part with your money. The kid gets his “fiow-plathe,” everybody else gets their stuff, all is merry and bright for all…accept me, because it’s at this point that the logical part of my brain kicks in and this commercial goes from being simply annoying to being complete nonsense.

Follow me here:
Kid doesn’t think that Santa is coming because his family doesn’t have a fireplace so he can’t get in.
Christmas comes and the family has a fireplace.
Kid freaks out because Santa brought the fireplace for them.

Are you seeing my point yet? If Santa can’t get into the house, how the hell did he get that fireplace in there without using a little technique that most of us might call a break and enter? And if the kid is smart enough to figure out that Santa Claus doesn’t have an entrance, how did he miss that? I mean for God sakes, who do they have writing this stuff, the people who write for Smackdown? It makes about as much sense and it’s just about as frustrating to watch.

Oh well, at least that horrible piece of advertising is gone for the year, and hopefully for good. If not, I guess I can just put it down as one more reason why we’re all supposed to drink so much at Christmas time.

Why Not Just Hit A Boxing Day Sale Or Something?

Steven Murray of Feasterville Pennsylvania was so outraged that he didn’t receive any presents from his family for Christmas that he burned down his parent’s home the next morning.

Police said Murray had committed himself to a hospital on Christmas Day, but decided to sign himself out later that day and walk the eight miles home.

He told police that he saw flames from a distance, but officers were suspicious because his jacket smelled like smoke and they found a lighter in his pocket when they searched him, as well as a gas can by the front door of the house. One officer says Murray “was irritated that his family gave him no presents for Christmas.”

He has been charged with arson and risking a catastrophe, and was jailed on $1 million bail. Nobody was hurt.

How Is It That You Get To Represent Your Country?!?

So I’ve been taking in mass amounts of hockey over the holidays with the World Junior Hockey Championships going on. I mean who knows when we’ll get some more good hockey. But there are three instances that have taken place at this year’s even that just make me shake my head and wonder how some of these assholes get the chance to represent their countries.

The first one was committed by our friends south of the border in the USA. They were one of the favourites to win the tournament coming in to it but had some trouble when they got to the last place Belarus team. Truth be told they were getting their asses handed to them by a shitty team and they weren’t enjoying it much. We can all understand that. Losing sucks, especially when you’re clearly better. But, as pissed off as the Americans were, the Belarussians were loving it. This was going to be the biggest win of their young careers, and for many of them, their lives. You can understand that the game might get a little chippy towards the end because of the frustration of the Americans but it should have been over at the end of the game when the buzzer went. it wasn’t. These young kids from Belarus began to celebrate this huge accomplish for them when apparently the Americans decided that wasn’t appropriate on their ice and started taking shots at them and shoving and the usual hockey bullshit. Now let’s forget for a second that the Americans were hosting the event and could have been good sports about this in front of their own fans but regardless of where it was held, the actions the Americans took was shit. It’s not getting much coverage but why, when most of these American kids were going to go on in the tournament anyway and have long NHL careers, did they feel they needed to ruin the moment for their opponents. The Belarussians had every right to be happy and celebrate. This was huge for them. They hadn’t won a game yet and this was huge. But, rather than celebrate the moment with their team mates, they had to fight off embarassed Americans who couldn’t stand back and just let someone else have the spotlight for a minute. There were some classy Americans like Suter and Fritchie that stood back, but there were alot more assholes than gentlemen, that’s for sure.

This next one kind of paid back the Americans for their actions but was still wrong. In the semi-final the Russians were leading 3-2 in the 3rd and scored to make it 4-2. The Russians began hot=dogging everywhere. They started cupping their ears to act like the American fans should be cheering for them, they slammed pucks back in to the net a second time after they had already scored, they skated by the American bench after scoring another goal pumping their fists. Before it was all said and done it was 7-2 Russia and they were sticking it to the americans and their fans. Dit it look good on the U.S. for the shit they ahd pulled the night before? Sure. Was it still disgraceful? Definitely. Tell me the importance of a 6-2 goal in to an empty net. There isn’t any but these clowns acted like they’d just won the tournament. Of course it all got out of hand and sticks started flying and there was shoving and pushing and again an international game was made to look more like a circus than an athletic competition.

One of the Russian players has a pre-game ritual where before the ref drops the puck to start the game, he skates down to the opposing teams net and pretends to fire a puck on their goaltender. Well, look out Russia because tonight you play Canada and the shit you pulled in the semi’s won’t fly. Canada has asked the governing body to make sure this doesn’t happen tonight by giving the appropriate Unsportsmanlike conduct penalty to the player if he does it tonight. I hope they try their hotdog bullshit against Canada tonight because we’ve got the horses to make them pay for it within the rules of the game. Can you imagine what happens to one of these guys if they start waving to the Canadian bench after scoring when he comes back out the next time? Phaneuf’s gonna nail this guy through the boards in to the 3rd row. I hope they try it. It’ll look better real good on them when they lose. Why are you celebrating after the semi’s anyway? You haven’t won anything yet.

The last one is a small thing but that has always been huge to me personally whenever I see it. during Canada’s game with Finland Canada was up 7-0 on the Finns in the third with no chance of the coming back. One of the Finns finally scores to make it 7-1 with like 5 minutes left in the game and he starts jumping around like he’s just scored the game winner. Umm. Escuse me. I might suggest that you TAKE A LOOK AT THE FUCKING SCOREBOARD!!! It’s 7-1 you dumb prick. You’re getting killed. Have some dignity. Put your hand in the air and skate back to center for the next face-off. That goal means nothing. There’s way too many guys like this out there. Guys that put themselves above the team. Their team can be getting killed 10-1 but they’re happy as long as they got the one goal. There’s a famous saying in sports that I’ve always loved. “the name on the front of the sweater is more important than the one on the back.” That’s magnified about 10 times if you’re playing for your country.

These guys should all be embarassed. You’re supposed to be representing their countries and this is the way they choose to do it. I’ve heard people say “oh that’s just how the Europeans are.” That’s bullshit. You didn’t see Igor Larionov doing stuff like this when he was one of the first Russians to come over to North America and pave the way for these young guys. Didn’t see much of this shit from Jari Kurri when he and Gretzky were setting records in Edmonton. And he ACTUALLY had something to brag about! these guys need to show some respect. If they ever get to the NHL they’re gonna get fucking killed the first time they do something like that.

Cuz guess what? You don’t get kicked out of the game for fighting in the NHL!