I Bet He Knows What It Means Now

I was just reading a story about a Japanese man who is trying to teach himself English. Now that in itself isn’t anything out of the ordinary. Nor is it all that unusual that his main studying method is to write down common words and phrases that he finds in newspapers and hears frequently in other places so he can look them up later. It’s actually kind of neat that he’s been able to teach himself a second language that way, I’d never be able to do that, I’m not that smart. So why am I even bothering to mention it you’re probably wondering, because for the most part you’re all smart people who know by now that if it’s up here and it’s news, something probably went wrong. Well, you’re right, and here’s what happened.

On a flight from Chicago to Ohio, our hero was going about his business, scanning some magazines and newspapers for English to learn when he stumbled on the phrase “suicide bomb” and as he had a tendency to do, he wrote it down. A person sitting nearby happened to glance over and notice the words written down and in quite a reasonable move, alerted flight attendants that something might be going on. The flight was returned to the airport where it was promptly emptied and searched.

As for our Japanese friend, he was immediately taken into custody until he was somehow able to get the cops to buy a story like that, no small feat I’m sure, especially with a limited vocabulary. I’d love to know how bad the beating they gave him was. But maybe it proves an old theory that I’ve heard about foreigners, that being that the more you beat them, the better their English gets. Yes, you can look again, I did just say that and no, I’m not sorry to any of you who might take it upon yourselves to get all freaked out and offended. You can all go puff the magic dragon as far as I’m concerned.

But this guy’s predicament did give me an idea. Since experience is the best teacher, and since what happened to him was certainly an experience he’ll never forget, where else could he go to learn similar English lessons? Where is the worst place he could possibly go to write down a certain word or phrase? For example, he could be caught with the word “rapist” in a women’s shelter, or “child molestation” at a Catholic church.

Now it’s your turn, and if some of you people are as twisted as I think you are, you could have some fun with this, or not, it’s all up to you. I just thought I’d throw that one out there because it’s been way too long since we’ve gotten somebody really really pissed off at us and I think we’re about due again.

This Has No Point…. You’ve Been Warned

Wow am I ever cranky today. It’s unbelievable. I went to bed nice and early last night since Monday’s always hell but I couldn’t fall asleep for the life of me. I finally got to sleep around 12 only to wake up again at around 1:10 and not get back to sleep until about 2:30. It’s led to some grizzly attitude today.

It’s just one of those days where everything pisses you off. Even people that you like and who are saying things to you that should actually help you, not piss you off, are just sending me over the edge today. Oh well. It’s 3:00. I’ll be heading home soon. I’ll get about an hour there and then I have to go out to the funeral home for a visitation for a friend. I guess I should clarify. My friend’s fine but a family member of his has recently passed so I’ll go to the visitation just for support. I didn’t know the person to well but I’ve known his immediate family since I was knee high to a grass-hopper. (i’ve always wanted to say that.)

It’s tough to see people you’ve known for a long time so upset. I always feel so uncomfortable. You know that there’s probably nothing harder in their life than what they’re going through at the time and all you can think to say is “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry?!? Well that certainly helps them out doesn’t it? But what else can you say? There’s not a thing in the world that you can say to make them feel any better or bring back what the person has lost. All you can do is be there for them offering up advice that was given to you that may have helped, but probably didn’t and just hope that your mere presence and support has touched them somehow since nothing you can say is going to.

Wow, kind of went off on a tangent there but that’s basically all this post is anyway.

5 days ’till Warped Tour. I’m really really looking forward to it. The weather is supposed to be cloudy and about 20 degrees. That’s actually perfect. We’re gonna be outside all day and if it’s too hot and there’s no breeze it’s really no fun. And buying water at these things is insane so it appears we’ve lucked out on the weather as long as the rain holds off. Only calling for about a 20% chance and a light sprinkle will be worth it if it keeps the scorching hot away.

Well, I guess that’s it. Later

SummerSlam Signs

So I was talking to Steve the other day about some of the funny signs you at televised wrestling shows. I’ve seen some really good ones and he suggested that maybe I should take one of my own to SummerSlam. I’ve been to one or two televised events before and never bothered to take one cuz I just couldn’t be bothered. I’m not sure if I will this time or not but it at least gave me an idea for a post.

My person favourite sign that I’ve ever seen goes back to the fact that people get annoyed if they’re sitting behind someone who has a large sign because it makes it difficult to watch what’s going on. The sarcastic guy sitting in front of me at the last RAW taping I attended had brought a sign with no other purpose than to annoy people as all it said was “The Guy Behind Me Can’t See.”

I thought that alone was humourous enough but I leaned forward and told him that I was partially blind and we both got a big kick out of the new double meaning of his sign.

The best one that’s been suggested to me so far for SummerSlam goes back to the irritating Diva Search that they’re doing on RAW. The sign would say “You Search For Divas. I’m Searching For The Remote.”

I thought that it might be kind of fun to ask the good readers of this site to comment with a few of their suggestions for signs that might be funny for the PPV next Sunday. Now I realize that these things normally work better on a site that people actually read and such but it’s worth a go here. Even if I don’t get one suggestion, the post was something for me to do.

So let’s see what ya got for me. I may not bother taking one at all but if something’s too good to pass on than I’ll take it. And i’m in the 12th row so who knows. Maybe your idea will end up on tv. Of course you won’t see it because no one buy’s the PPV’s anymore but you could rent it later on DVD or something and then claim that sign as yours when you watch with your friends. Of course they won’t believe you and this will all be a pointless venture for you….

Do it anyway though….

Another Landmark

So just one day after we hit our 9000th hit, we are now sitting on exactly 400 posts! Now considering that this thing has been open for 10 months and there are 2 of us writing, it really speaks to our laziness but let’s take a trip down memory lane about some of the very odd topics that we’ve discussed in our 400 posts.

One of my personal favourite things on this website has been Steve’s search engine results that he posts every so often. You know the ones where he finds out what the hell all you sick freaks were actually looking for to get here? We’ve had people show up on our page looking for everything from Randy Orton’s penis to Matt Stajan’s penis to Batman’s penis (are you seeing a trend here?) to midget love making to John Cena naked fucking other male wrestlers. Yup. It’s a perverse readership we have here but we still love you. (unless your country appeared on the negative side on yesterday’s post, in which case i’m surprised you’re back here today.)

There’s been other great events on this website. Like the ripping of our good friend Nick. Although that’s not so much an event as it is a series or every day occurance. It eventually lead to a ban on Nick as the rippings got boring and the insults got repetitive. Sure he’s back now but he’s behaving. And if he doesn’t then the second season of Nick ripping will probably create just as many priceless memories. Oh good times, people.

What about, Gee? Remember Gee? Oh nevermind. That was part of the Nick situation. How silly of me.

Or Satan? One of our most faithful commenters for a period was never far from slamming somebody mercilessly for the smallest of pointes. Whether it be me, Nick, anyone posting annonymously or Gee (oops) the attacks were always done with heartless disregard for human feeling. Kudos to Satan for creating some of our more humourous comments.

And what the hell ever happend to Greg Twilly? He was kinda funny… took shots at everyone including yours truly and then just kinda disapeared. He won’t be forgotten though. Thanks for the memories, old friend. Wherever you are.

There was our once a week advice column that may have lasted 3 weeks and those 3 weeks were not consecutive. There were a few small pieces of joy in them.

On this momentous day, let us not forget one of our more frequent guest posters, Carin. Never far behind Satan to rip Nick apart, she would also contribute thought provoking columns to be posted up on our main page. What a devoted Vomiteer.

And perhaps our most frequent reader, our European Princess, our friend from across the pond, our personal assistand as we tried to get this damn page off the ground (is it off the ground yet?) Karine!! The kind of blogger that Steve and I could only hope to be. One of the all time greats.

There’s been a never ending parade of stupid bastards on the news that Steve and I come across from day to day that we share here with you. These people must not be forgotten as they’ve granted us many laughs.

Or the occasional joke that Steve may find to put up here. Some are funny, some are not and many are just far too disgusting to do anything but try desperately to hold your lunch down. Oh but they’re a part of the legacy. Our leaper of a baseball fan will never be forgotten.

And lastly. SHAMELESS PLUGS FOR EVERYONE! Whether it be to our own columns, sites we enjoy and feel you should enjoy, our great friends at Salty Ham, our other bloggers that we correspond with. These links and plugs are what this place is all about. Feeling like a big shot when you’re really nothing at all!

So with all of this said I think there is more than enough here to justify you going back and looking over the archives. If you’re new here you’ll be in stitches over the hilarity that has occured here. If you’ve been with us since the beginning than it may very well bring a tear to your eye as you stroll down an emotional memory lane. Either way. Read over all that has taken place here. For these, my good friends, are the things that dreams are made of. Sad, pitiful dreams, but dreams nonetheless.

I’ll toast to another 400 posts. Won’t you join me?

Thank you for the love, my friends. Thank you.

Happy 9000th

So here’s something to help waste some time. Today we hit a milestone as a piece of shit webpage. A milestone that very few piece of shit webpages reach. Today we got our 9000th hit. That’s right. Over 9000 of you have no wasted your time reading what a couple of idiots with nothing better to do have to say on topics ranging from music, to wrestling, to sports to Randy Orton’s penis, to batman midget fucking or something like that.

So I thought now would be a great time to just take a look at the 9000 people who have visited here. I find it hard to believe that I’ll get through this without offending people anyone, but I’ll give it a go.

Let’s take a look at how many people have visited from various countries, shall we?

Canada 3782hits 46.31%
Ya you can always count on the homeland to come through with some big numbers.
United States 1832 22.43%
Ya, they’re loud, they’re obnoxious. They’re American… but we appreciate their numbers and their women.
Norway 513 6.28%
These would be Karine’s people. We thank you Karine. Though this was probably you logging in from 500 or so different computers around the country side.
United Kingdom 43 0.52%
43?? That’s it? You stuck up limey losers. Come on and support us. We have your damn queen on our money for shit sakes.
Australia 16 0.19%
16 Auzzies. Not bad. Apparently you can stop pouring back the beers and chasing dingos or whatever it is you do there to come and read our page. Kudos to you.
France 8 0.09%
It’s probably best that I don’t comment on this one.
Netherlands 7 0.08%
I dont’ think I know enough about these people to say anything… so thanks for coming.
Italy 4 0.04%
A double kiss to you good people.
South Africa 4 0.04%
Congratulations on getting the internet South Africa
Philippines 4 0.04%
Mmmm. Pool boys anyone?
Mexico 3 0.03%
I got nothing to say here.
Sweden 3 0.03%
I visited your damn country in February and you can’t even visit my site? Lazy bastards. I’m glad you choked again in the World Cup.
Germmany 3 0.03%
Me commenting here has bad idea written all over it.
India 3 0.03%
India’s 3 most wealthy families have finally been able to combined their funds enough to purchase a computer. At leas they’re putting it to good use on our page.
Denmark 3 0.03%
So while I’m in Sweden I figure me and the boys will shoot over to Denmark to check out the Karlsburg Brewery. You know what happens? I get there and it says it’s CLOSED. A cute little sign saying loosely translated as “Come Back Tomorrow”. Right. I’ll just hop back across the freakin’ Atlantic Ocean. The kicker is we passed on going Sunday since we figured there’d be a chance it would be closed so we waited and took the train over on Monday to find that Monday is the ONLY day of the week the place is closed. What the fuck is the matter with you people? Monday?!? There’s nothing else in your damn country to see. You have no right to close your only landmark. I got stuck seeing your Royal Palace and it was crap by the way. Alright. I’m done talking about you people, but I don’t like you very much.
Japan 3 0.03%
Nothin’ here to say
Brazil 2 0.02%
Keep those coffee beans comin’ and I got no beef with you.
Singapore 2 0.02%
I must be running out of steam. I’m sure Steve can come up with something for these fine 2 people.
Belgium 2 0.02%
Finland 2 0.02%
Don’t ask me why but I love the Finns. I’ve never met a Finn I didn’t like. I’ve only met 2 in my life but they were both real nice dudes. I hope it was the same 2 that are reading our site.
Greece 2 0.02%
Switzerland 2 0.02%
Damn you people, your efficient watches, yummy chocolate, and neutrality.
Hong Kong 1 0.01%
Czech Republic 1 0.01%
Now technically I should have no beef at all with you good people but I fuckin’ hate Dominik Hasek and Jaromir Jagr so the rest of you get lumped in with those 2 dickheads.
The rest of these places only contributed 1 hit each.
Ireland
GUINESS!!!
Kazakhstan.
Say Hi to Nik Antropov for me and stay the hell off my site.
Portugal
I dated a girl from Portugal once… She was nice. That’s about it for you guys.
Poland
Iran, Islamic Republic of
No sarcasm here. I truly hope you guys can get things settled down over there REAL quick.
Austria
Venezuela
Israel
Same for you guys. Peace.
Korea, Republic of
But you guys scare the shit out of me.
Malaysia
New Zealand
Fun lovin’ folk.

So that makes up our readership… or at least it used to.

Happy 9000 Hits!!!

Random Stuff

So I’ve finally got a few free minutes at work to look at some of the new stuff that BlogSpot’s got set up in the formatting of the posts. I dunno. I guess I’m impressed but they’re really made some stuff more complicated than it needed to be. Kudos for trying though.

So Steve asked me to change something in the settings for him last night and I told him I’d get to it today. Here I am, logged in and able to do it but I’ve forgotten just what the hell the whiney bitch wanted. (please don’t consider that to be “in fighting” because Steve really is a whiney bitch in all honesty.) So eventually I’ll get talking to him again and he’ll tell me what he wanted and then I won’t sign in for another 4 months and it will go undone. That’s just how things work around this place.

So I’ve got tickets to both Warped Tour and SummerSlam next weekend. It should be a great weekend, though busy. The ass hats that organized Warped Tour have once again put it up in Barrie after promising to stop doing that to us. This will be the last time Warped is held there before it moves back to the downtown Toronto area next year (although that’s what we were told last year too.) It’s not like it’s a lot further away from where I live or anything, it’s just a pain in the ass to get out to Barrie rather than just being able to see the show right downtown. Oh well, maybe next year.

This will be my first tim at Warped. I’ve been close to going the last few years but never got the chance. The last 2 years I was out of town for Goalball so I had to pass it up. It’s gonna be great. Some of the best bands in punk are on the show since it’s the Tour’s 10 year anniversary. Personally looking forward to Anti-Flag and Bad Religion. I’m going with my girlfriend so I’m sure at some point or another we’ll be stopping in to see some of the crappier, poppier bands but even that won’t be so bad.

The next night is SummerSlam. I still have no idea who I talked her in to going to that but somehow I did. We have tickets in the 12th row. We actually have an extra one as someone I know has backed out but I’m sure we won’t have a problem filling that seat. I know lots of wrestling fans. It’s just a question of finding one who’s not busy on that night.

Well I really only did this post just for something to do and I have nothing left to say at the moment so I guess I’ll get outta here for now.

Later

How Uplifting

Tuesday, September 30, 2053. That is my projected day of death according to deathclock.com. Considering that I’m 24 right now, that doesn’t sound like a bad little life,and it’s probably better than I deserve.

If you want to find out when you yourself are going to kick off, just click that link and give the system the information it asks for. It only takes a few seconds and it’s a good way to waste just a little bit more of that time you should be spending on things that you’re supposed to be doing.

Stubbornness

This was submitted by our good friend Bobblehead who has a tendency to show up, post a bunch of comments on a bunch of different things and then disappear again. She had some thoughts knocking around in her head and decided to write them down and give them to me to post, so that’s what I’m doing.

If any of you have something to say, you can feel free to write me at sendstuffhere@rogers.com and I’ll see to it that your thoughts find their way up here. But don’t forget, I don’t edit anything, and if your writing is bad, I can and probably will make fun of you.

And now, here’s Bobblehead.

Stubbornness

All right, you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. But I can say something with almost absolute certainty. You probably are, or you probably know someone who is stubborn about something. Stubbornness, you know, the ability to refuse to do something, not to be confused with procrastination.

So where did it all start? Is it a human trait, or is it in animals too? I’d have to say, from my point of view, that it comes from both. I mean, ever tried to walk a dog? Dogs, dogs are stubborn. They’ll pull you, they’ll take you where they wanna go, and they’ll be persistent about it. They willingly defy you, that’s stubbornness, for you.

Then you can find it in people. You know, when you decide that you should try and dictate how a person should run their life, and they know that you’re right, but again, for whatever reason, they willingly defy you. Now that’s where you find it in people. I mean, when someone’s sick and they should see a doctor or something like that, and it’s been going on forever and ever, and you tell this person, and he/she refuses, that’s bad. They’re being incredibly stubborn. Yes, two sentences ago, I did use the word “and” too much, so sue me.

But then there’s the whole idea of trying to get someone to you know, admit to their stubbornness. They’ll be like, “I’m not being stubborn, I’m just …” Then they won’t have anything else to say in their defence. They can’t admit it, and they can’t rationalize it to anything more than just perhaps a certain mood or something like it.

Now I’m a stubborn person. I will be very stubborn, with just about anyone or anything. But I was able to write this … whatever it is, with only nine fingers. That’s how bloody stubborn I am. I’m not even supposed to be typing you see, but I wrote this anyway. I decided a few weeks ago, that I would kick a door, a big metal steel door, before actually opening it to go outside. Well, shit, that didn’t work out so well. The door slammed on my finger, and I basically cut the tip of the finger off. I was in stitches, no I wasn’t laughing, for two weeks. Novacane, and pain were the key players for that two weeks. And now, … almost a month later, I’m still only with nine fingers, and I’m not supposed to be typing because it is really annoying to have to move one’s finger over every time one wishes to type you know an A, Q, Z, or even a 1. So you see, I have no idea how this relates to my original theme, but it was suggested I add why I have only nine fingers, so I chose not to be stubborn, and explained it.

It Sucks, But It’s Here

The newest edition of Sunday Night Fever has been posted over at Salty Ham and you can read it by going here.
It’s a quick one but I explain why there so I’m not doing it again here. Go read it if you really want to know.

By the way, Blog Spot can blow me. Ever since they changed their site layout, I can’t write html without it mangling it just because it feels like it. Seriously, I write perfect code and then when I publish it, the system takes it upon itself to plant errors in it that I know I didn’t make. But here’s the thing, it only does that with links, like email addresses or the link that I just gave you for the recap. It does however force me to manually write out all of my paragraph breaks and I have no idea why. So until I figure that out, it’s raw links for you all.

And before I go I’d just like to say fuck Blog Spot and everything they stand for. That is all.