Site Updates

This is just a quick note to let you all know that we’ve updated the links section over on the right. We’ve added some new things and fixed some others so that they actually point to where they’re supposed to. Give it a look and give those sites a click. Some of them are our friends, some of them are people we’ve traded links with, and some of them are just places that we like to go and waste time while we’re busy neglecting this place.

If you’ve got a site of your own and you’re interested in trading links with us, feel free to email me at sendstuffhere@rogers.com and let me know about it. I’d have made that into a link but for some reason the publishing system keeps breaking my html tags.

We’re not overly strict about who we share links with so unless your site is full of child porn or pictures of Randy Orton’s penis the odds are pretty good that we’ll be happy to link back.

Also, if you happen to have linked to us but we don’t know about it and haven’t linked back, email me with the address of your site and once I see that you’ve linked to us, we’ll more than likely be happy to set up a swap, because every once in awhile we can be cool like that.

I’ll more than likely be back later with something, now that I seem to have most of my posting issues corrected.

We’re Doing This Again Already

Here’s what I was trying to post when everything started fucking up. The references to weather are about Tuesday, I’m just too lazy to edit all of that out and change the flow so you get it as is.

Before I start doing this search term thing again I need to ask a question. Why is it that the coolest day of the Summer is the stickiest? It’s like 15 degrees outside but it’s humid as hell. I really have no understanding of weather beyond hot and cold so if somebody would like to explain this to me I’d be forever in your debt. Ok so maybe not forever, but at least until I get what I need and make it look like I’ve given you something in return. Hey, that’s kind of the way I handle most things come to think of it, just ask all of my ex girlfriends! Ok ok, I kid I kid, there’s no truth to that whatsoever. Ok, maybe a little. All right, maybe a bit more than a little…ok, I’m just going to start pasting in search terms now and shut up before anybody catches on and figures out my game.

We’re starting out on an ever so classy note with this entry.
21 Jul, Wed, 09:17:39
Yahoo:
john cena naked fucking other male wrestlers

This one confused me so much that I actually took the time to look it up to see if I could figure out exactly how a search like that could get here and other than the word “fucking,” I’m completely confused. But this does prove one thing, Yahoo’s search engine is a complete piece of shit. This has been Technology Insider and I’ve been your host, Steve.

21 Jul, Wed, 15:10:47
Yahoo:
How big is Randy Orton’s penis?

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. I admire the determination of these people. Randy Orton’s Penis was one of, if not the very first search request ever logged on this site way back last October and they’re still going strong, I dare say outpacing any other request we’ve ever had, no matter how popular. But having said that, it should also be noted that giving up is not always such a bad thing. In fact, in some cases, like this one for example, it’s encouraged.

21 Jul, Wed, 17:38:37
MSN Search:
slutty bitches with big ass tits

I bet you this guy has some great pickup lines, not to mention a perfectly happy and satisfying sex and family life. Man, I’m not sure what was up with last Wednesday, but it must have been international pervert day or something.

23 Jul, Fri, 16:59:21
Yahoo:
dany heatley single dating

First of all, something tells me that Heatly has bigger things to worry about than where his next lay is coming from. But even if he doesn’t, I hope this man or woman [you never know these days] is a fan of a little something that we like to call the conjugal visit. Ok ok, that really wasn’t very nice, and it’s entirely possible that Dany might not even do any time. Everybody is innocent until proven guilty after all. But here’s a word of advice to the person who did this search, if you ever do end up dating Dany Heatley, make sure that you’re the one doing all of the driving.

25 Jul, Sun, 00:00:27
Yahoo:
daylight dicksucking

I’m not sure if this person is looking for pointers or pictures but either way, I don’t see a problem. Oh God, I’ve looked at so many of these things that I’m starting to see the logic in some of them, somebody kill me.

And so ends what isn’t the best installment of this little game that we’ve ever had, but trust me, at the rate things are going, there’ll be many more and much funnier ones coming soon. I can hardly keep up anymore so I’m sure we’ll be doing this again before you know it.

Technical Difficulties

There’s nothing overly important in this post, I’m just testing the site to see if I’ve worked out the technical problems that I’m having. The people at Blogger made some changes to their publishing interface about a week ago and since then I’ve been having a lot of problems getting things to work properly, which is my excuse for my lack of posting in the last few days. Well that and the flu that our good friend Carin gave me, but that seems to be clearing up for the most part now.

For those of you wondering where Sunday Night Fever is this week, it’s coming, I’m just not sure when. I’m still feeling kind of funny and I’m not sure if I’ve got the energy to recap right now. But even if this week’s shows get posted before last week’s do, rest assured that every unimportant B show match will be recapped and reviewed and given the respect and attention that it truly deserves.

By the way, if somebody could either leave a comment or shoot me an email and let me know if this post looks normal or funny or just how it looks in general I’d appreciate it. Hopefully this works and I can post the new weird search terms that I wrote up a couple of days ago. Only time will tell I suppose.

Ya. I’m still alive.

I heard on the news this morning about perhaps the most brilliant man on the face of the planet. He was in the middle of divorce settlement proceedings with his ex-wife and the courts as she tried to rape him for half of the marrital assets (you know, those things that he paid for and are his but she wants cuz she married him) when he decided that he wanted to play the lottery.

He’d never really done it before but was feeling kinda down and thought if absolutely nothing else, it would take his mind off of what he was going through for a few minutes. He never had any idea what would happen.

So the man bought his lottery card and went home to play it. Upon getting home, he through it on his dresser and forgot about the card for a while. A few days later, he was in his room preparing for the final court session to determine what his ex-wife was entitled too.As he got dressed he saw the lottery ticket and decided he should check his numbers. He did so and realized he had won… and won big. Upon checking his numbers online he found out that he had won 5.4 million dollars.

Obviously he was extatic and excited and couldn’t wait to get down to the lottery distributer to claim his prize. He was running out the door with the winning ticket when something crossed his mind. He was on his way to a proceeding that would in all likelyhood grant his ex-wife half of his current posessions. He decided that since he had a year to claim his prize that he’d wait until the final ruling was made on his divorce proceedings before claiming his prize to see whether or not it would effect his winnings.

He went to his court hearing and I’m not sure exactly how the law works, but she was granted half of the marrital assets but since there were no children she was given none of his future earnings. The ruling was made final and on his way home from the court house, he stopped and made himself 5.4 million dollars richer and did not give one penny of it to his ex-wfie… something that may have gone differently had he claimed his prize before the decision was made.

I have nothing to say other than that this man is my new hero. (despite the fact that I don’t know his name.) The fact that he was smart enough to wait and thus save himself (potentially) 2 million dollars is something that amazes me. I’d love to shake his hand.

On one other short not I’d just like to say that I HATE Velvet Revolver and I could not be any more sick of a song than I am with their current single. And people LOVE it!! I’ve been up since 5:45 this morning and I’ve already heard it 3 times today. And it’s NOT a good song. It’s garbage! What the hell is wrong with music when a piece of trash like that is being played over and over and people are just eating it up.

Jeez. It makes me want to put a Velvet Revolver to my head and….. well nevermind. (I really hope someone gets that.)

Sunday Night Fever

Just a quick note to let you know that over on Salty Ham.com, I’m filling in for Jish while he takes some time off. If you don’t know what Jish does, he writes Sunday Night Fever, the weekly recap of the happenings on Velocity and Sunday Night Heat, WWE’s weekend TV shows.
I finally got off my ass and posted my first fill-in column yesterday and if you want to check it out, you can do so by clickinghere.
I’ll be back with more updates in a little while, I’ve had a busy week and there hasn’t been a whole lot of time for me to sit down and write or search for weird things. That and I’m not even sure if Matt is still alive. Say something man, we miss you.

Starving Artist

An artist in London England who has spent the last 2 years of his life constructing a giant snot ball from mucus collected from his own nose is now ready to part with his creation.

James Robert Ford is searching for an art collector to buy the ball, which has already been displayed at 4 different art exhibitions and now sits in a glass case in his apartment. If you’re interested in buying it, you’d better start looking in your couch for lots of spare change. Ford is asking for $20000 for his um…sculpture I guess we’ll call it.

Why such a high price? Well, if you listen to Ford, the answer is really quite simple, even if it’s a little weird. He explains that the reason he’s charging so much for his “Bogey Ball” [I’m not making that name up] is that it’s something unique, something that is a part of his body that nobody will ever be able to replicate.

“It’s a physical record of all the different places I have been and people I’ve met,” he says, and scarily enough he’s making sense even though doing something like that is a pretty messed up way to keep a diary.

The crazy bastard has even gone so far as to calculate what he believes to be the cost of each piece of the ball and just in case you’re curious, he thinks each quality pick is worth around $18.

Ford says that selling his ball is going to be a bittersweet experience.

“It will be hard to let go, but at the same time it’s hard not to have any money,” he told reporters.

He’s broke? You’re kidding. I never would have seen that coming, not in a million years.

But you know what frightens me even more than the fact that this guy spent 2 years making this thing? The fact that somebody’s going to buy it from him, and that there will probably be a bidding war over it. Seriously, when you have 20 grand just laying around that you can blow on somebody else’s snot, you have too much money. But since a lot of people in this world seem to have that problem, I’m gonna go start digging.

A New Twist On An Old Favourite, And Some Other Things I’m Not Even Gonna Try To Figure Out

And now it’s time for another exciting edition of Steve Looks Through The Hit Counter Logs, Finds Interesting Search Terms, Uses His Copy And Paste Functions, Does Some Basic HTML, Thinks Of Some Wise Ass Comments And Writes Them Down, Then Posts Them For The Enjoyment Of Anybody Who Still Actually Reads This Site. I like that name, it’s got a nice ring to it, slides right off the tongue. Anyway, now that we’ve all spent the last 27 minutes saying the name, let’s play!

For anybody who doesn’t know what this is by now, here’s a quick explanation of what’s happening here.

Every day, people use search engines to find all sorts of things. Anything you can think of and most likely a lot of things that you can’t or just plain don’t want to think of can be found on this great big world wide web of ours. Sometimes, they can even be found here, or at least people think that they can because the search engines make it look that way. So not knowing exactly what they’re getting into, people click the link and land somewhere on this site. As soon as they do, our trusty stats machine logs what they searched for and saves it for me to see. In really simple terms, the system tells me why they clicked through to our site, showing me the exact words that got them here. This, as you can probably imagine, is where the explanation ends and the fun begins. Here is the best of what’s come through recently.

10 Jul, Sat, 04:37:10
Yahoo:
free pictures of Randy Orton’s penis

This one just won’t go away, but I have to give these people credit, they’re continuing to try new and creative ways of getting what they want. Take this latest example for instance. Instead of searching for young Randy’s actual penis, this obviously well-educated and reasonable individual has quite logically surmised that while locating a real celebrity penis on the internet would be basically futile, finding a picture of the organ in question is certainly well within the realm of possibility and apparently worth the effort that people continue to exert day after day in the hopes of finding what appears to be the holy grail of male genitalia.

Since I have no idea how to segway out of something like that, we’ll just move on.

10 Jul, Sat, 19:12:22
MSN Search:
adult males who masterbate together

Because we all know that the best way to find acceptance for who you really are is anonymously through the internet.

11 Jul, Sun, 03:43:06
Yahoo:
circumcision preppy

If anybody from the What The Fuck Department is reading this, you know what to do.

11 Jul, Sun, 11:54:03
MSN Search:
animated fucking clips

I wonder if this guy is looking for animated fucking clips or animated fucking clips. I’m sure that one is going to go right over the heads of a few of you. Just read it again and think about the 2 possible meanings of the sentence. If you need another hint, no matter what meaning you go with, this person is obviously frustrated in one form or another.

12 Jul, Mon, 01:19:59
MSN Search:
pam anderson sucking

While many would probably look at a search request such as this as no more than another pervert looking to get his wack on, I beg to differ. This individual is obviously seeking information on the cinematic masterpiece known as “Barbed Wire.” If you don’t believe me, watch the film and tell me what’s going on there if it isn’t sucking.

13 Jul, Tue, 16:48:40
Yahoo: “
lance armstrong” bisexual

I don’t know whether he is or he isn’t, but it’s a good thing that he’s really fast on a bike since he’ll need that speed to get away from groupies from both genders now. Do cyclists even have groupies? I don’t know, but it kind of makes me think twice about the real motives of all of those people who say that they’re behind him all the way.

And that does it for another exciting edition of Steve Looks Through The Hit Coun…the hell I’m writing all of that out again.

I’ll talk to you all soon…I hope.

Why Can’t All Commercials Be This Cool?

Update: Winnebago Man lives! I first posted this way back before there was a YouTube. Man, it’s so weird to write that. Anyway, the original link no longer works, but since now there is a YouTube and the video lives there, I’ve replaced it. Read on and enjoy.

If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like when one of those cheerful announcers from TV and radio commercials loses it and completely flips out, wonder no more. Even if you haven’t wondered, watch this anyway just because it’s funny.

There’s quite a bit of strong language here so make sure you have your sound turned way up.

Go Read This And Quit Your Bitching

I know I know, there haven’t been many updates here lately but when Matt isn’t saying anything and I successfully manage to kill my second computer in a little more than a month, these things tend to happen. But fear not, my computer is back and pretty well up and running again, good times. But since I’m busy right now and don’t really have much to say to you all you should go and read
Salty Ham’s latest PPV roundtable.
I’m in it just like always and so are some other good fun people. So go and take a look at our predictions for tomorrow and feel free to make fun of us or agree with us and let us know just how smart we are. Whatever you want to do, you go right ahead. I’m off to either wash dishes or keep updating the Salty Ham Music news section now. See ya later.

One Of Those Random Posts

Hey everybody. I hope that you had, are having or will have a great holiday weekend depending on where you are and what your work schedule looks like. Mine was great for the most part but I won’t make you sit through uninteresting stories about how I spent my Canada Day. Oh no. Instead, I’ll make you sit through uninteresting stories about other things of little to no importance.

Sorry once again for the lack of site content these days, but a combination of regular everyday things, not having a computer of my own that works and trying to find a new house doesn’t tend to leave much time for updating this place, which sucks. I can’t count the number of times I’ve thought of something that should be here only to forget it when I get a minute that I could use to write it down.

Fortunately though one of my problems is solved, I have a place and I can start moving in at the beginning of August. All that’s left to do to make it official is hand over a pile of money and sign some documents.

It’s nice to have that load off my mind since I was running out of time to find something and it was really looking like I wasn’t going to get anything doable and then who knows what would have happened to me. But as cool as the feeling is, I can’t help but be nervous because once the move is done I’ll be doing something I’ve never done before, I’ll be living alone. I’ve never truly lived on my own before, there’s always been either family, housemates or a significant other sharing my space, but now, even though my new apartment doesn’t have much space, it’s still all mine and honestly I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it or how I’m going to manage. I’m sure I’ll do ok but it’s one of those things that you actually have to do for awhile before you can be really confident about it, there’s a lot of adjusting involved. The place is all yours all the time. No people unless they come over and they’ll eventually leave, that’s a weird thought. I’m sure I’ll let you all know how it goes, not that any of you really care but fuck it, it’s my site I’ll do what I want. Ok so it’s actually Matt’s site because he set it up but dammit, you know what I mean.

As for the no computer thing, nothing much has changed there. I still don’t have one. I thought that by the end of the holiday weekend that I’d be good to go but alas, something had to go wrong. For some reason the system won’t recognize my new drive which makes it pretty hard to install Windows on it, so the guy decided to take it to his office and let some other people have a crack at figuring out why that happens. So as of right now I have 2 hard drives in my system, neither of which work, and I have no idea when that’s going to be made right. The fun just never stops around here.

Ok, before I get out of here, I just want to appologize if any of you have been having trouble getting to the site. It’s been going up and down lately and I’m not sure why. It’s nothing that any of us who write here have any power over so we just have to wait it out and hope that the people at Blog Spot know what the hell’s wrong and then decide to fix it. It’s not just our site, I’ve had the same trouble on others too so if you thought it was either just our site or your stupid computer, you’re not alone.

That’s all for now, I’ll be back later with something, I’m just not sure when. Keep checking back, it could happen at any time.