The Nerves Are Setting In Already

So I leave first thing Friday morning for what can only be described as a Canadian HOTSPOT, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. We’re having our Canadian National Goalball Championships out there this year and they start on Friday night.

It’s weird for me. This is my third Canadian Championships and you’d think by now I wouldn’t get nervous over these things anymore but I’ve never been as nervous about a tournament as I am for this one.

At my first Canadian Championships in Charlottetown, PEI there wasn’t much expected of me. I was just the new guy there to get some experience and learn and I’d get minutes where ever the game situation permitted. I played well for an 18 year old kid playing against 30 year old men and came out feeling pretty good about my performance and our team one the tournament which was even better. I knew going in to that tournament that there was no pressure on me because I was just the young guy and when it came down to crunch time, the veterans would be starting and I wouldn’t be expected to carry the load.

Last year should have been the one where I felt the most pressure. Our starting left winger retired which meant all of a sudden I had to play every game. Also, up until then I had been playing center and being groomed to take over for our current center when he retires in a few years. Now we had no left wingers and so I was immediately changed in to a left-winger and asked to change my game. Also, that tournament was going to be held in Sudbury, Ontario which meant it was on home soil and we had won 6 strait National titles and no one wanted to see that streak end on our own soil.

In the meantime, Canada’s second highest scorer had moved to Quebec and joined with Canada’s top scorer and Quebec was easily favoured to load up the big truck, drive it right in to Ontario and take the title from us. Again though, I felt no pressure. It was odd. But I still felt like I was the young guy and there was no one, and I mean NO ONE that expected us to beat Quebec, or Alberta for that matter that year. We had an inexperienced left winger who’d never played there before and had only been to two mens tournaments total at any position. I had family in Sudbury and I can specifically remember one of them telling me after our first game and Quebec’s first game that his money was on Quebec to win the entire tournament. He sure wasn’t alone as everyone had picked Quebec to win and watching them play when we arrived, it was hard to see how they wouldn’t.

We managed to squeak by Alberta, 2-1, in a semi-final and put us in to the Championship game against Quebec. I can remember warming up for that game with the stands full and just saying “I do not belong here, yet.”. The vets on our team were great in just trying to keep me calm making sure I knew I didn’t have to do anything spectacular… just do what I’d been doing all tournament long. We had played Quebec already in the round robin and while they jumped up on us 3-0 in the first half, we manged to claw back in and tie them 3-3 thanks to some ballsy plays by our right winger and some mistakes on their end. It was hard to keep the nerves calm though. The year before I knew I wouldn’t even see the court in the Championship as a rookie so there was nothing to worry about. This year was different.

We started that game and both teams played an outstanding first half and the half ended still knotted at 0-0 and both teams had sunk in to a rhythm. I had been struck in the chest hard with the first shot of the game and blocked it and at that point realized that I was now in to the game and I could hang with these guys. I had nowhere near the same skill level as them but I knew I wouldn’t be outworked. We started the second half and immediately got scored on on a penalty shot. Our captain tied it up 2 shots later knowing that it was his fault we’d been scored on. A few minutes later he scored again to put us up 2-1 and we just grunted out the last 3 minutes to claim our 7th and most unlikely National title in the streak. It was an unreal feeling.

I was later that month named to the Canadian National team which was a great honour for me but I’ll get to that later.

This year, the man that had moved to Quebec has since moved here to play with us making us the overwhelming favourites to win again in Saskatoon. He gives us that much more offensive power. Thing is… there’s no pressure like being the favourite and not getting it done. We went in last year with nothing to lose. Everyone had counted us out so you just go in and play your game. This year everyone is gunning for us. Also, our streak of 7 strait National Championships started in Saskatoon so it would be nice to come back after 8 years and keep it going there.

Plus, this year is an Olympic year and the National team gets re-selected and it will be largely based on performance from this tournament. Last year I had no idea that I was even being considered and this year I know that there’s me and one other guy gunning for the last spot on the team and he looked really good in our last tournament in Montreal. So, on top of feeling pressure for our team to perform, i have a bit of pressure on myself to have a good showing to make sure I’m on that flight to Athens for the Olympics.

Also, with having such a good year last year our Ontario team has put some more responsibilites on me since I showed I can handle it and I need to show that I’m ready for that.

So while our team has gotten significantly better over the last year with my improvement and the addition of Dean from Quebec, it almost feels like there is more pressure to perform because if we don’t come out with Gold this year there’s going to be a lot of “What the hell happened?” coming our way afterwards… and no one wants that.

Well this hole post has been nothing but typing what’s on my mind… but that’s what a blog is I suppose. I’m sure most of you stopped reading after the second paragraph anyway. I got 4 days to get myself ready for this because than it’s crunch time and if you’re not ready to go, someone else will be and you get run right over.

I’ll be sure to let you know when I get home how it all went.

I’m Torn

I just read in the news that a Russian court has banned the Jehovah’s Witnesses from the city of Moscow. Yeah, a court made being a Jehovah’s Witness illegal. I’m not quite sure how to feel about that. Part of me is really upset that such a stifling of religious freedom could be allowed to take place anywhere in the world for any reason, but part of me is pretty happy for a lot of Russians who can now answer their door again when somebody knocks on it without fear of getting stuck talking to some guy with a handfull of books trying to sell you his beliefs like some sort of traveling insurance salesman.

More Commercials

Writing about the shoe store ad earlier today and then reading the comment that was posted underneath it got me thinking about a couple other commercials that have kind of always bugged me. Let’s go down memory lane a little bit here since these are both a few years old and I don’t think either of them air anymore. And I’m not sure if anybody outside of Canada will ever have seen these but that doesn’t make them any less stupid or disturbing, as you’ll soon see.

I remember quite a few years ago a literacy foundation started running a series of ads promoting adult education classes or something like that for people who couldn’t read. That in itself is a really good idea and I’m not against it in any way. But having said that I do think that perhaps the people writing the commercials should have thought about signing up based on their stupidity. In every one of these commercials there was always this one part at the end that just made me look at the TV and laugh and think what the fuck at the same time. The end of the commercial would come around and the announcer would say, and I’m pretty sure I’m remembering the exact quote here, “for more information on how you can get help, look in The Yellow Pages under learn. L E A R N.”

Read that quote again, I’ll wait. Hopefully by now you’ll realize just why that’s so funny, or at least dumb. First of all, these people can’t read, how are they going to know what they’re looking at and how is spelling it out for them going to help. It’s not like you can draw pictures of the letters or something like that and make it all make sense to them. And let’s say that you did manage to teach them how to find the word learn, there’s still the matter of them reading all of the other stuff under that heading and figuring out what the numbers are.

So now that we’ve established that it’s pretty unlikely that anybody signing up for the classes is going to do so completely on his or her own, let’s look at the other side of this. Anybody they get to look this stuff up for them is already going to know how to spell learn so it’s pretty much a waste of time to tell them how.

Ok, since I’m not really good at writing transitional material, let’s talk about hot dogs now, because that’s what the other commercial was about.

Again this one comes from a few years ago. Mapleleaf Foods started marketing something they were calling the 100 percent all beef all meat frankfurter. Catchy name isn’t it? But it’s not the name that makes the commercial or the product bad, it’s the slogan, which could arguably be the worst slogan in the history of advertising.

“The new Mapleleaf 100 Percent All Beef All Meat Frankfurter. Because all beef doesn’t always mean all meat.”

I swear on anything I could possibly swear on that I’m not making that up, that was their real slogan. Just makes ya wanna fire up the old BBQ right now doesn’t it? I honestly almost gave up hot dogs forever after I saw that commercial the first time and it didn’t get any easier to watch the other 15000 times I saw it either.

Ok, now I’m going to turn things over to you, the good people of the comment boards. Let’s try and move away from the recent retardedness and concentrate on fun things. Can you think of a commercial either past or present that had something either really funny or really stupid in it? Here’s a comment to get you started, submitted by somebody who didn’t leave a name.

That’s as bad as the H and R block commercial. they say your not a little fish in a big pond and they won’t treat you like one, they’ll treat you like a
whale. Yeah, that’s what I want, to be treated like a whale. Thanks Guys.
Anonymous | 03.26.04 – 11:53 am

I Hope We All Still Love Lectures…. Oh And Everyone Wave Good Bye To The Retard As He Passes

Well. We’ve had this talk before and this one will be short cuz the main violater will not longer be a problem.

People have internet names for a reason. People don’t want their identities revealed so they use their ‘net names. It takes a special kind of prick to sit around and try to reveal who someone really is.

To that end, Nick’s comments that he had posted containing real names have been deleted and Nick’s IP has been banned from the Comment Boards. He’s done this before and it’s getting old.

I’m quite aware that Nick has more than one computer and posts from more than one spot so all it will take is for him to try and post from that spot and I will be able to go in and ban that IP adress as well so you may see Nick once or twice more but it’s being phased out.

Just for Nick’s own piece of mind and anyone who saw his comments, he was way way off on his guesses to the identity of Satan.

I’d like to apologize to everyone here though for having to take a way a major source of entertainment for us all. That of course, being Nick. But he’s been warned and we can’t have people throwing out real identities. Also it had gone from humourous to annoying in my books anyway.

Nick’s comments were deleted on this topic but those who posted in response to him had their comments left up there because they are funny.

Sorry I had to post that again but with Nick gone it shouldn’t have to happen again. I’m sure we can all expect different attempts on his behalf to get back in under different names and addresses because he’s pathetic enough to think this message board is important enough to fight over but it will be delt with.

Now go read Steve’s stuff. It’s pretty good.

Later

Design Flaw

Right now I’m in the market for a new jean jacket because my old one is looking, well, old. So being the smart shopper that I am, I’ve gone into a few different places looking for just the right one at just the right price. But through my search for that perfect coat I’ve noticed a really disturbing and annoying trend in jean jacket design.

Before I go any further I should mention that I’m really not that picky, I’ll take anything reasonably priced that feels right and has what I want in a coat. I won’t for instance, settle for a jean jacket without those big inside pockets, I love those things, they’re so handy. They’re great for stashing stuff and it makes it harder for people to pick pocket you, but now I’m getting a little off topic.

My plan whenever I go into a store is to scope out all the jackets and find the ones that meet my specifications, those being denim, the right size, and having 2 big inside pockets. Finding coats like this generally isn’t a problem but I’m noticing something that’s making my search much more difficult than it should be.

The first time I noticed this, I thought it was a fluke, or just something strange with the store’s brand of coats but after going into a few more places and finding the same thing I’m about ready to start bashing my head repeatedly off of a wall. So what is it that’s driving me so nuts about denim coats? Well, it’s a hole. Yes, a hole. But it’s not just any hole, it’s a hole in a pocket. “Now Steve” I hear you saying to yourself, “if there’s no hole in the pocket, how do you expect to get anything in there?” And to you I say, shut up, idiot! It’s not that hole, it’s a different hole, and it’s in my beloved inside pockets.

For some reason it seems to be standard practise now to put a finger-sized hole in the bottom of every inside pocket of every jean jacket in every store in the universe. I’m not sure when this started or why but I do know that finding one without them is about as easy as finding a guy watching a staging of The Vagina Monologues who isn’t there because his wife or girlfriend dragged him away from the ballgame.

My question is why? Why would you put holes in the bottom of a pocket? Who thought that was a good idea? And who buys coats like that? You’re pretty much paying for something defective because the hole, even though it is quite small, is still a hole and things can fall out of it. You’re paying for a ripped pocket and then you’re losing more money over time when all the handfulls of change that you toss in there slowly fall out as you go about your day, jostling the coat around and whatnot. It’s really frustrating because I really need a new coat but I refuse to break down and buy one with holes in it. I won’t let the bastards win, I just won’t.

So if anybody knows of a brand of jean jackets that don’t have these holes in them please let me know. Even if you’re having the same problem, please comment because at least then I’ll know I’m not alone and that somebody else knows what I’m talking about. And if you design jean jackets for a living, I really want to hear from you so you can tell me what sort of thought process comes up with stupid ideas like this.

Business Strategies That Work

I’ve been seeing this ad on TV for a shoe store lately that’s kind of got me to thinking about the business sense of a few people. It’s for a store called Factory Shoe and part of the ad features the announcer happily praising the wide selection of “over-sized” shoes. Over-sized shoes? Couldn’t they have picked some better wording than that? I mean think about it, they’re pretty much telling a whole group of people that their feet are entirely too big. It would be different if they were selling those big clown shoes, but they aren’t. They’re ordinary people shoes, only for the over-sized.

I have a couple of different problems with this. First of all, who is responsible for drawing the line between what’s over-sized and what isn’t and what qualifications does he have? And don’t tell me that he doesn’t have any, that’s just crap. You’re not going to tell me that you’re putting a guy in charge of the Customer Discrimination department and he doesn’t have any credentials. He’d better have at least had a pediatrist in his family at some point, at least that would give him a little credibility.

The other thing that bugs me about this is wording. Is it really a good idea to make potential customers feel like freaks of nature? Over-sized means too big, no matter what sort of line the store tries to feed you about it meaning large or it being their way of saying that they have shoes of all shapes and sizes. If that’s what it was supposed to mean, why couldn’t they have just said that? As it stands now they may as well just put up a sign that says “hey Gunboat, bring those canoes over here,” or one that says “ask about our blacksmith.”

They should have taken a page out of the big and tall book. Those guys got it right. There are big people and there are tall people. Those words can mean different things even though everybody knows that in a clothing context they are generally understood to mean fat. But neither of those words actually imply that a person is abnormal, and the only reason they mean fat is because you only ever hear fat people talking about going in there and it became a stereotype. Factory Shoe calling anything over-sized is about the same as the big and tall shop saying “come check out our fat fuck section, now with tripple wide entrances.” It’s going to piss people off and they’re not going to shop there. Or maybe I just have way too much time on my hands and the fucking freaks don’t care. Who’s to say really?

Warped Tour ’04

This is the line-up for the Warped Tour this year. Anyone that even has the slightest interest in punk rock has to admit that this is a stacked show.

1208
20 X
Alexisonfire
Alkaline Trio
Allister
All Rights Reserved
Amber Pacific
Anatomy of A Ghost
Another Damn Dissapointment
Anti-Flag
Arkham
ASG
Atmosphere
Audio Karate
Avenged Sevenfold
Bad Religion
The Beautiful Mistake
Big D and the Kids
Billy Talent
Blackfire
Brazil
Break Dance Vietnam
Break the Silence
The Briggs
Bouncing Souls
Boys Night Out
The Casualties
Chronic Future
The Code
Codie
Coheed and Cambria
The Commercials
Crowned King
Don’t Look Down
Duane Peters and The Hunns
Dynamite Boy
The Early November
Eight Fingers Down
The Eyeliners
A Faith Called Chaos
Fall Out Boy
Fighting Jacks
Flogging Molly
From Autumn to Ashes
From First to Last
The F#*k Ups
Go Betty Go
The God Awfuls
Good Charlotte
Guttermouth
Happy Campers
Hazen Street
Hidden in Plain View
His Orange
The Hurt Process
IMA Robot
In So Far
The (International) Noise Conspiracy
Jackson
Jersey
Juliette & the Licks
Keg
The Kinison
Lakeside
Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards
Letter Kills
Lennon
Lillix
Lylah
Madison
Mae
Matchbook Romance
The Matches
Melee
Minority
Montys Fan Club
Motion City Soundrack
Much the Same
My Chemical Romance
New Found Glory
NOFX
Northstar
Only Crime
Opiate 4 the Masses
Oreon
O’re The Ramparts
Over It
Piebald
Pipedown
Planet Smashers
Plans for Revenge
Potluck
Pulley
The Q
The Red West
Reeve Oliver
The Revolution Smile
Rise Against
Rose Hill Drive
Rufio
Sahara Hotnights
Saosin
Senses Fail
Shiner Massive
Side 67
The Silence
Silverstein
Simple Plan
Single Frame
Slowdance
The Snakes, The Cross, The Crown
The Sounds
Split Sense
Stars Hide Fire
Straight Outta Junior High
Stole Your Woman
Story of the Year
Suffocate Faster
Sugarcult
The Swear
Taking Back Sunday
A Thorn For Every Heart
Thursday
Thought Riot
Tiger Army
The Tossers
Trophy Scars
Truth in Fiction
Underminded
Unit F
The Vandals
Victory Within
Wanted Dead
Washington Social Club
Windsor
Yellowcard
Yesterday’s Rising

There will be some bands that don’t hit every city due to conflicts with their own tours. NOFX for one will not be doing any of the August shows as Fat Mike and Erin will be having a baby in August and he wants to be at home for this. It still looks to be a great show. Check out warpedtour.com for the dates and venues in your city.

This Is Full Of Satanny Goodness

This was sent to me by everyone’s “favourite” commenter, Satan. It needs no introduction so it will get none. Enjoy

I think it’s been almost a week now since I challenged our resident “Insider” Nick, to post a coherent message on the board that I couldn’t make fun of. So far I have yet to see any remotely successful attempts, with one post being so pitiful I felt it best not to comment.

That’s the real problem here isn’t it? I mean if my phone ever rang that would bother me too. Anyways I sit there all day and it never rings, so I guess I don’t really know how you feel.
Some people can be so stupid, they keep calling and calling, and they never get it that you don’t like them and want them to just stop talking.
Anyways, I’m done.
nick | 03.20.04 – 5:11 pm | #

So what do you suppose the problem is here? I don’t think the challenge is all that tough. I mean every once in a while Matt manages to post something completely coherent and sometimes he even raises valid points. But Nick, you always just seem to be spewing excrement from your mouth with out considering who it’s landing on.

I think we’d all appreciate a little courtesy in this regard. I mean there are times that after reading a post by you I feel dirty, because you’ve insulted my intelligence so much your stupidity leaves a film. You claim to be seeking acceptance from the people who read the website. What for? I mean in what way does my liking you have any bearing on your everyday life? I somehow doubt it has any.

I know what you’re saying now, ” But Satan, you only ever pick on me”, and while it’s not entirely true I will say this, nothing you say has any merit, and half the time you come off as full of yourself while you have no knowledge whatsoever of the subject. That, by the way, is known as ignorance.

So what I’m trying to say is, quit crying and take me up on my challenge. Be a man Nick, Mr Bigshot…..Show me why you’re the feature, be my biggest Nitemare. If you want a little respect from me or anyone else show some balls and state you’re own opinions and don’t copy someone elses, Bob Mckenzie can sue for that kinda stuff you know.So I’m reissuing the challenge, leave me speechless, give me Nitemares, learn to spell and use proper grammar…..Any of it, and I’ll shut up. My money’s riding on me, prove to me that Feature’s got backbone and isn’t just limp as……figure it out. The Feature Presentation isn’t always a good thing, what are you Nick: The Godfather, a powerful, frightening masterpiece or Gigli, a waste of money, time and space that will never amount to anything.

Satan

Marcy Playground

Since the new Marcy Playground album comes out today I thought it might be cool to take a look back at their first album, so that’s exactly what I did, in classic review form over on Salty Ham. You can check it out by clicking Here.

By the way, if anybody knows anything about the Canadian release of Marcy’s new album, please leave a comment or email me, I haven’t seen it anywhere I’ve looked and I haven’t heard anything about the album here in Canada.

Things That Annoy Me: Part 4085

I’m seriously thinking about calling an ever-increasing group of people I know together for a lesson on how to use the phone. Let me explain myself by asking a question, I’ll even make it multiple choice in case some of you have to think about what should be a pretty obvious answer.

When you call a person on the phone in a non-emergency situation and that person does not pick up, do you:
A. Cry.
B. Call back a second time just in case he didn’t make it to the phone in time.
C. Wait for the answering machine to pick up if there is one, leave a message and then go do something else and wait for a call back.
D. Call repeatedly until whomever you’re trying to reach caves in and answers the phone because it defies all logic that he would be either out or busy at the moment and is so obviously avoiding you right now that relentless calling is the only way to get through.

If you picked C, thank you for being one of the few sane voices in a world full of telephone lunatics. If you picked B, that’s ok too. If you picked D, I would like to take the time to say a fond hello to you, since you are probably either a friend or family member. I’d also like to take this time to ask, no insist, no demand that you read this and even more importantly, take it to heart and ultimately stop this madness.

I honestly don’t understand you D people. What are you trying to accomplish by calling me over and over again? If I don’t answer the phone when you call, it’s not a personal attack against you as a human being. It probably means that I’m either busy doing something or out having a life, as hard as that might be to believe. And this might come as a bit of a shock to you, but I’m not a slave to the telephone and I don’t spend all of my time just sitting around waiting for you to call me. I have things to do. Work that needs done, dinner that needs eating, places to go, TV shows I want to watch, fun to have, sleep to get, you get the idea, and sometimes talking to you just doesn’t fit in with the plan. This doesn’t mean that I don’t like you or that I’ll never speak to you again which some people just don’t seem to understand. It just means that right now I either can’t or choose not to talk to you for some reason. Deal with it. Maybe go out and get one of those lives I was talking about a minute ago. Whatever you decide to do, please, only call me once and for God sakes leave me a message!

That could almost be a whole other post entirely but I’ll mention it here because I’m ranting right now and nothing drives me up the wall about the phone more than when people call again and again and don’t leave a message. I pay the phone company 7 bucks every month so you can tell me what you want in recorded form, so do it! I’m spending that money for you. Yes I have call display but it only holds 10 numbers and because of people like these I can generally only see 1 of them 10 different times. Besides, if whatever you wanted wasn’t important enough to leave on my machine then it doesn’t need my immediate attention and it’s not getting it. In fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret. If I’m home and you call but I don’t answer the phone for whatever reason, if you don’t leave me a message, I’m not calling you back unless I had already intended to call you first. This is especially true in cases where nonstop calling is involved, then I don’t even call back if I did want to talk to you just because you’re annoying me and I don’t want to yell at you. You don’t even have to leave a big flashy message or anything. Just say something simple like who you are and “call me” and I’ll do it. All I ask for is a little note that you called, that’s all.

I know this post might seem harsh to some of you but that’s because that was my intent. You people, heretofore known as phoners, are driving me fucking nuts! I like all of you and respect you all for who you are, you just need to work on this 1 little thing and life will be beautiful.

By the way, just for interest’s sake, the person who ultimately ended up inspiring this post called me 5 times in a row within the space of 10 minutes. That’s half the memory retention of my call display box. The night before this same person called me 6 times in an even smaller time period. See why I’m flipping out?