Christmas Parties, I Quit Drinking, And Possibly Some Other Crap

Well hi, how’s it going? I’m doing pretty well, thanks for asking. My holiday has been fairly busy just like I thought but tonight ended up being a lot less eventful than I thought it was going to be so here I am. I’m pretty much making the family rounds all week, seeing everybody that I either don’t see much of or see too much of but have to see again because it’s Christmas and somehow that makes seeing the same people you just saw different, not really sure how that works. I have 3 Christmas dinners and 1 more get together left to go this week and then it’s back home to ring in the new year twice. Once with a couple of people who can’t come to the real party, and then the real party. Man, this is gonna be rough, but fun.

As busy as things have been there really isn’t all that much interesting stuff to post up here, other than that I quit drinking this week. Anybody who tends to have a few drinks every now and then probably knows what I’m talking about. You’re somewhere and you’re having a good time and you get a little carried away with the booze, drinking anything that anybody gives you, and pouring your shots a little bigger each time, whether you mean to or not. Then you wake up the next day and you’re not having such a good time anymore. God, I hate hangovers. Everything about the way they opperate just pisses me off, especially the unpredictability factor. I’ve had days where I’ve killed a 12 pack and gotten up the next day feeling just fine while everybody else around me who didn’t drink half that much is half dead. Then there are the times when I’m the guy who didn’t drink half that much and I’m half dead. I hate that.

But back to my main point. I had one of those hangovers a couple days ago that makes you rethink your entire life. I could hardly move, everything hurt, it was terrible. At one point I was just sitting there thinking enough of this shit, I’m done. Never again will I fucking pay money to feel like shit, this is stupid. I could be doing so many better things with my time, I don’t even wanna think about how much time I’m wasting on this crap. So that was it, I was officially off the sauce…for about 11 hours. Damnit, it’s Christmas and besides, rehab is for quitters.

I was checking the site stats this afternoon and I noticed that over the last few days a lot of people have been getting here from the search engines. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for sticking around if you liked what you saw but fuck you all for not searching for something weird thus depriving me of material. I did see somebody looking for naked pictures of Matt Stajan again though so hope is still alive. Thanks to everybody else who’s been checking out the site, the numbers haven’t gone down as much as I thought they would this time of year. You all must either really like us or have no lives to speak of. My guess is a little of both.

Anyway I think that’s enough for now. I’m out of random crap to write down so I’m gonna go watch the news and catch some sleep. I’m tired, and I need to get myself ready for the next week or so, it’s gonna be hell on the sleep cycles, which isn’t really something I need but I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything.

So happy anything you’re celebrating, I’ll talk to you all later.

Just Checkin’ In

Happy Holidays, All
Well as Steve said on Friday updates for the next little while will be few and far between as you’re busy, we’re busy and there’s just not much going on worth talking about as the hole world seems to kind of slow down for this few weeks.

There’s an interesting little discussion going on over at on the comment board of Scott’s Blog. They’re speaking, hypothetically, about if there were to be a Bret Hart 3 DVD set come out and what you would want to see included on it. Nothing’s been anounced for said DVD but it’s a neat thing to think about. Go check it out and chime in if you feel like it.

So, the Leafs win 2 more this weekend. Not too shabby. I think we’re at 14 strait games with at least a point. They have Florida on Tuesday before back to back games with the two New York teams in New York. They should do fine against Florida but the back to back could spell the end of the streak. Still, it’s been impressive.

There’s no Towel Snap or Notes from the Tone Deaf this week but still go and check out Salty Ham for all the other cool features. Things may not be thrown up there as frequently cuz of the holidays but there’s always newsbits and things to keep you amused for a bit.

I went to the Oshawa Generals game on Friday night with about 9 other members of the family. They were having their annual “Teddy Bear Toss’ where they ask everyone to bring a stuffed animal to throw out on the ice after the Generals score their first goal and all the animals are given to different children’s charities around town. It was a pretty cool thing to see. The Gens scored about 15 minutes in to the first period and down came the toys. Now. Here’s the problem. We were sitting in the first two rows of the crowd… guess what that means. Yup. Anyone who couldn’t throw their toy far enough ended up pelting us in the back and the head with their animals. It was poor planning on our part to be sure. My cousin actually got hit with one that came clear across the hole rink from the other side. In total, over 2400 toys were thrown down to the ice for charity. I thought that was pretty good out of a crowd of about 3000. That many toys can go along way. There were even people coming in with some of the huge 5 foot tall ones that you see at carnivals and stuff. And a few people just threw down entire garbage bags full of stuff toys. It took about 20 minutes for all the volunteers to clear them all off the ice before the resumed the game.

Well, that’s it for now I guess. I’ll try and get back with something else over the next few days. Work is a bit slow right now so I have a bit of time on my hands so if I get some content I’ll try and get some more up here over the next few days. Don’t look for much from me from Christmas through New Years though.

Later, All

The Holidays Start Today!

This morning when I got up and came to check the site, I thought I’d accidentally gone to the wrong place by mistake. Something was horribly wrong I thought to myself as I scanned the page trying to figure out what seemed different. Did somebody get hold of our passwords and put something there? Did the site get redirected somehow? Did I type the wrong address by mistake? Then I realized that it was just Matt posting something and I calmed down, until it hit me again that Matt posted something and I went into shock all over again. Welcome back, buddy!

Just as a small update to yesterday’s shower saga, I managed to shower this morning without incident. Yesterday I actually had a bath, how gay is that? I didn’t do it out of fear, I did it out of pain, and it seemed to help. I’m feeling a lot better today so I guess maybe it’s not quite as fruity as it would be under normal circumstances.

Now on to the real important stuff. Today is my birthday! Only 1 exclamation mark on that, and for a good reason. Any more than that and I might as well just start offering to suck dicks for some extra cash. A guy should only be so excited about his birthday and anything beyond that point should be questioned heavily by all of his friends and family, not to mention gay Seth from down the street who’s always had a thing for him, and may now be able to actually give it to him. Multiple exclamations are fine for the girls, but guys, not so much, at least not for special ocasions like this.

But seriously, I am happy about it being my birthday today. I like my birthday, probably because I’m not feeling old yet. That’s next year when 25 hits. The reason I say that is because of something my Uncle told me years ago when he turned 25. He said “now I’m part of the quarter century club.” That kinda freaked me out when I realized that there were 100 years in a century which meant 4 quarters, and he’d already used up one of them…and most people don’t live to be 100! I guess I should try not to think about getting old, even though putting it out of my head ain’t gonna stop it.

But with the coming of my birthday comes the beginning of Christmas. Because they’re so close together I usually end up having some sort of party on my birthday or traveling home to see my family and spend the holidays with them. So what does this mean for you, our loyal Vomiteers? Well, simply put, it means that I won’t be around much to update the site in the next while. I’ll try to check in now and then when computers and time are both at my disposal at once but I’m not going to promise the world when it comes to content from me in the next week or so. Not sure what Matt’s deal is, but I’m betting it’s going to be similar to mine. Keep checking back with us though, there may just be something for you to enjoy or hate, whatever your preference.

I might be back later to tell you about my birthday, but it all depends on amount of excitement and coherentness levels when the time comes. So if we don’t talk for awhile, have a happy holiday season, no matter what you’re celebrating.

OK. For Real This Time

I said I’d be back later….. It’s later.

So I haven’t really posted anything other than a cheap link to my column in like a week or something. That ain’t cool. But oh well. Steve kept the content going smoothly after we got through a weekend with not one post.

I should start by saying that I had a wonderful shower this morning with little-to-no climate change in water other than what I did myself and not one attempt on my shower’s part to toss me out. Things are looking up.

One thing that’s really pissed me off this week (and those of you who’ve read my Salty Ham Column will know where I’m going) is this hole thing with the NFL and Joe Horn. The guy made a nice play to score a big touchdown and he was punished for his choice of celebration methods. He didn’t hurt anyone and he didn’t mock anyone so what’s the big deal. The celebrations are what makes football unique to other sports and one of the big draws to the game. the league doesn’t realize just how important this is and trying to put a cap on players excitement and intensity will, in turn, hurt the game. I think the fact that he was fined $30,000 is a joke and I hope that he wins his appeal.

It’s less than a week away from Christmas, and as I suspected, my tollerance level for the rest of humanity is at a tremendous low. I was at the mall last night and it was absolute insanity. There was literally hundreds of people running through the halls and everyone had the same “where i want to be is twice as important as where you want to be” attitude. It made it very difficult to keep that Christmas Spirit in tact. Until…

After watching everybody in the place treat everyone else like crap and act like the end of the world was coming, I was pleasantly surprised as I went to leave the mall in a terrible mood. I decided to go outside and wait for the people I was with to finish at the bank machine since it had gotten so hot in the mall. I had only two bags in my hand and they were by no means huge or heavy. As I approached the door to the outside I was following a little girl (probably about 8) and what I can only assume was her father. The girl was carrying a small box that required her to use both hands. Her father pushed through the door and she followed but before she was out stopped and put her back against the door to hold it for me. As I walked through she looked up at me and said “I hope you have a Merry Christmas.” in probably the cutest little voice I’d heard in quite some time. I looked down at her and smiled and said “Well, thank you. I hope you have a Merry Christmas, too.” and walked through the door. As I stopped outside to wait she walked by me again and stopped and said, holding up the box “This is what I got my mom for Christmas”. She did not however open the box to reveal what was inside so I didn’t really know what to say. I didn’t have to. She kept talking. “I saved all the money I could since school started. I hope she will like it.” and then she turned and walked after her father.

You just can’t help but smile after things like that. My faith in humanity was re-affirmed before I went home. It didn’t hurt that she was so cute. She had that “Michelle from Full House” look and sound to her. It was definitely the highlight of my night. I hope her mom likes it, too. Kids are great.

Happy Holidays Everyone.

May He Rest In Peace

There’s a guy in our building who loves him some techno music. He loves it so much in fact that while I was putting the final touches on that last post at about 3 minutes to 7, he started listening to it, loudly! Loudly enough that the floor underneath my feet is vibrating in time with whatever song he’s playing. Surprisingly, there hasn’t been any gunfire yet. If somebody kills him, and somebody probably should and not just because he likes techno music, I’ll let you know.

I Hate My Shower Because My Shower Hates Me

I’m convinced that my shower doesn’t want me to live here anymore and that it’s been doing everything in it’s power to get me so pissed off that I’ll just say screw it and move out.

It all started out gradually with the odd temperature switch without warning, a pretty standard shower thing to do. I took no notice. Then it started doing it more than it had been but again, I just figured it was the time of day that I was using it and the number of other people in the building who were doing the same thing putting a demand on the water supply that it was having a hard time keeping up with. Again, no notice taken and no hard feelings. The shower was doing the best it could to keep me clean. But after awhile I started to notice something. Actually 2 things. For one thing, the drastic changes in water temperature were starting to get more extreme, and to top it off, time of day stopped becoming an issue. Whether I hopped in the shower first thing in the morning or late at night, it would pull the same shit. There I’d be, washing my hair or standing under the thing to rinse off in the perfect stream of water that I’d set for myself and boom, I’d either fry or freeze. I’d also scream, which indirectly brought something else to my attention.

Now as I’ve mentioned, up to this point I was trying to be accepting and understanding of the bathroom implement so as not to cause any friction between us because let’s face it, we needed each other, and both for the same reason. In return for keeping me clean, I’d do the same for it. But there comes a time when respect has to be tossed aside and for me, that time came at the exact moment when both of the people I lived with at the time looked at me like I was retarded when I complained about how weird the shower was acting. Once they both said that nothing like that had ever happened to them even after they’d gone in after me, that was it. The gauntlet was thrown down. This was war. The son of a bitch shower must have seen things the same way because the climate changing assault on my personage intensified at around the same time as I was set to make my formal declaration. The shower had trumped me again.

Realizing that this was not a war that I would be able to win I decided to take another approach, that being reasoning with it. So the next time I took a shower I decided to have a man to nozzle talk with it to see if we couldn’t get to the heart of the problem and sort out our differences. The shower however had other ideas and all my reasonable dialogue got me was a blast of water cold enough to flash freeze a penguin.

So with the battle lines clearly drawn, I started responding the only way I knew how, by cursing at it and childishly kicking it when I went into the bathroom. It didn’t teach the sonofabitch a goddamn thing but it made me feel slightly better to know that I had my own form of revenge, small as it was. We went on for months this way the shower and I, and it seemed that we had reached a stalemate and that tensions had reached their peak and were now levelling off. That is, until yesterday afternoon.

Looking back on it, I should have known something was up. The shower was being uncharacteristically kind to me. The water stayed at pretty much the same temperature all the way through, and it was so pleasant in fact that I began thinking that maybe it had had a change of heart and was ready to put all of this pettiness behind us. But any dreams I had of negotiating a ceasefire were shattered when the shower pulled from it’s bag of tricks what could best be described as it’s own WMD.

As I turned around to rinse myself off, my foot started to slip out from under me. The shower was trying to throw me out! I quickly tried to grab for something to steady myself but to no avail. I did however manage to buy myself enough time to not fall down and give myself one last chance at balance. I had to twist around to grab at the window sill which up to that second I thought would be responsible for my shattered face. Fortunately, I managed to counter it’s attack and stay standing but not without suffering aggravating personal injury. For as I contorted my body in the name of staying upright and unharmed, I felt something pull in my back. I don’t know what it was but man did it hurt, and man does it still hurt now. But although I hurt myself I was proud of the fact that I had managed to avert certain disaster and that the full force of the ambush was not to be realized. It wasn’t until much later that I realized the complexity of the shower’s plan.

Though simple enough on the surface, the depth of what the shower had accomplished was stunning, especially for a metallic inanimate object. For even though things failed to go exactly as planned since I didn’t actually fall out of the tub, or even fall down, I still got hurt, and I got hurt in an area that would make my life difficult. The immediate back pain made cleaning the house, which I was planning to do after the shower all but impossible and out of the question. Even leaning over to take a CD out of my computer was more exertion than I was prepared for.

And things only got worse at bed time. I started out on my back so as to give it some support and hopefully stop the pain, or at least lessen it. This worked for awhile until I noticed that everything was stiffening up the longer I stayed in that position. Sleeping on my stomach is just not an option, I have no idea how people do that. I couldn’t sleep on my sides because when I did it just made my back hurt more. So, utterly defeated, I resigned myself to a pretty much sleepless night, which it was since I’ve been awake since 3:30 this morning unable to lay down for long periods of time.

So now here I sit, in pain and exhausted in my computer chair, realizing that I’ve been beaten in the game of psychological warfare by a fucking bathtub. And just what makes me so sure that I’ve been beaten? Well, eventually I’m going to need to clean myself up, and putting heat on my back is something I’m going to have to do sooner than later. And where do you figure I’m gonna have to go to accomplish these things?

So if a lot of time passes and you don’t hear from me, ask Matt where you can send the get well cards.

Evil Test

If you’re sitting around right now wondering how evil you are then friend I’ve got a treat for you. All you have to do is take the evil test, and you’ll have your answer.

So how did I do on this test? Well, if the goal is to be as evil as possible by answering the questions as honestly as I can, not so good. Here’s my result.

Bad puppy

“Naughty” would be the word that best describes you. No real evil genius here, maybe just someone trying to in an attempt to look tough.
I’d say cut that shit out and go do something else, because the real definition of evil isn’t in your dictionary.

If any of you click over and take the test, feel free to post your results to the comment board. Have fun, and until we meet again, I’ll be off cutting that shit out.