Since I spend so much of my time here lately talking about people and how dumb some of us are, I thought it was pretty cool when I found a whole website full of examples. Feel free to click on over to The Stupid Page and have a look. Some of it is quite funny. There’s other stuff there that I haven’t checked out yet so have a look at that too. Just thought the stupid page part was interesting.
Last Joe Shmoe Update
Well it’s a sad day for me. It’s the last Joe Shmoe Update. Gotta say that in the last little while that there hasn’t been many shows that I considered “can’t miss”. At one point Raw was can’t miss but lately I don’t seem to mind so much. I can’t think of anything that I’ve considered to be a can’t miss since Game 7 Leafs/Flyers back in the spring. Joe Shmoe though was can’t miss tv for me. It was something new that we had never seen before and I couldn’t help but be drawn toit. Enough with the sappy shit though, let’s see what happened.
After hyping all week for us not to miss the first 15 minutes I took special care to be there FIVE MINUTES EARLY! What do I find? I find that the first TWENTY-THREE minutes are all recap of the big events of the entire season. Normally that would not bother me at all as it was pretty much to be expected but don’t plug the show like we’ll miss the climax if we miss the first 15. Anywho…
The former house guests all vote and it turns out that the final vote comes down to Dr Pat and she votes for The Hutch making him the winner. They do the big celebratory scene with music and stuff until the host gets a phone call that says there is a major problem and they go to commercial. They say that someone is not who they say that they are. Hutch admits that he indeed is not The Hutch. He is an actor but then accuses of Kip of being an actor too which he admits. Eventually they all come out and admit to being actors as a look of combined horror and confusion goes across Matt’s face. He begins to almost laugh in stunned disbelief but then turns to Bryan, his ‘best friend”. this was the only part of the show where he actually looked like he could really flip out and poeple seemed nervous. He was literally yelling at Bryan to tell him if he too was an actor or not after the two having gotten so close. Bryan finally admits it and Matt strings out a string of profanities.
The host explains everything to him and you can actually see him trying to take it all in that EVERYTHING he’s gone through wasn’t real. He has a million questions and all the actors start introducing themselves to him. Matt gets the line of the night when he looks at Kip and says “Dude, tell me your at least gay!” which of course was not true. But Matt loves him anyway, that’s great.
They give Matt the hundred thousand and all the other prises that the “house guests” acquired throughout the show for his trouble! That’s nice of them. They keep telling him that they’ve done it all for him when really they’ve fucked with him for money and ratings. But he buys it so its cool.
This wouldn’t have worked so well with anyone else. Matt was just that kind of trusting guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. it could have turned out real ugly with anyone else finding out that they’ve been fucking with him for so long but he laughs at off and boy does he stilll want a piece of Molly.
they follow this up with a one hour interview with Matt done a while after the show to get his prospective on everything. It’s an interesting watch but I won’t explain it all here. They show him all kinds of different things from the show and ask him what was going through his head at the time. it’s really interesting and I’m sure it will be shown a million times on Spike TV in the next little while. Check it out.
Now I have to find something else to become infatuated with. Any ideas?
One last note. there are some new links up over on the right side. Check them out. There’s some good stuff.
Later, y’all.
Sharin The Love
Just wanted to quickly mention a couple of people, and it’s even in a positive way this time!
First, our friend
Armagideon Time
seems to have his own blog thing going on. It’s fresh, it’s new, it’s Nintendo, check it out!
Another guy who needs some thanking is
Roland G.
Thanks for the link in the column man, and thanks much for the link on the blog too. You didn’t have to do that, and it’s very much appreciated. Your links are coming, just as soon as the posting system will allow.
And thanks also to everybody who’s been visiting this site, linking to it, telling people about it and even stumbling on it by accident and never coming back, but I’m sure that never happens. We did our highest day ever yesterday, yea for us! I’m glad people are enjoying the site, it makes dealing with some of the goofy comment stuff and having to work alongside that backstabbing arsehole Matt seem worth it. Yeah Matt, that’s right, you and me, an infight at the playground after school! You’d better show up this time, sissy! Man that joke never gets old. It’s almost as fun as passing off other people’s work as your own.
You Win!
One thing that’s always gotten on my nerves is the practise of giving things to celebrities for doing their job. Anybody who has ever watched or listened to any sort of sporting event or seen Mike Bullard on TV more than once should know what I’m talking about. Things like, “for being our guest on the post-game show, Frank will receive a combination can opener and alarm clock courtesy of WalMart.”
First of all, why can’t Frank buy his own combination can opener and alarm clock at his own local WalMart, I’m sure he’s got the money. And secondly, he doesn’t need one, and not just because can opening time pieces are a stupid idea either. Fact is that Frank probably has about 372 of the damn things kicking around his house from all his other guest spots on all the other post-game shows in every other city in the known world. I think it would make Frank much happier if WalMart just gave him 30 bucks so he could go out for a beer and a cheap lap dance at the club later on instead of yet another self-propelled personal video organizer.
I’m convinced that that’s why famous people live in such big houses. It’s not because they’re self-absorbed egomaniacs who need everything to be a status symbol that will prove their own worth to humanity, it’s because they need a place to put all the solar-powered night goggles and digital forks that people keep giving them. Seriously, cut that shit out.
Siegfried And Lunch
I swear to all of you that I’m not making this up. I saw it on a newswire so until I hear otherwise this is absolutely true. Where do they find these people? This was just one of the stories that we covered on the
radio
today, and we had a good laugh about it, for obvious reasons. Well maybe they’re not so obvious to Roy Horn but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have a little fun at his expense. This makes me laugh every time I read it and again, I didn’t write this, it was reported as actual news on an actual news site so if it’s not true then it’s not my fault.
LAS VEGAS (Wireless Flash) — The white tiger who attacked animal illusionist Roy Horn has a message for him and Siegfried: “I need more time off.”
That’s what Montecore, the 600-pound white tiger reportedly told animal psychic Charlene Boyd when she telepathically visited him in his cage.
Boyd says Montecore attacked Roy because he was tired, “felt more was expected than he could handle” and because “he needed more down time.”
Even worse: Montecore feels little remorse for his actions even though he told Boyd he probably mauled the wrong trainer. In Boyd’s words, “He thought Roy
is `okay’ but didn’t care for Siegfried.”
The chances of Montecore going back on stage again are slim, but Boyd says the tiger wouldn’t mind as long as “there’s more emphasis on tiger education.”
Gees, where to begin with that. There’s nothing I could say here to make that any funnier. Guess I’ll just go and look for other topics or something and let you guys ponder the concept of an animal psychic. Man, that’s right up there with pet therapist on the usefulness scale.
Watch A Game, Man. (More on Roberts and Kovalchuk)
This was posted in response to my comments on Roberts and Kovalchuk. I believe it deserves to be here… you’ll see why in a moment.
Puck Talk
Gary Roberts vs. Kovalchuk….good comparison, but something’s wrong that I disagree with.
I’ll Roberts his due any day of the week, considering he’s a member of God’s Team In The National Hockey League. But Kovalchuk, from analysis from Pierre McGuire as well as Howard Berger of The FAN 6+0 both agree that Kovalchuk is a young Brett Hull.
I disagree Matt with your bashing of the young Atlanta Russian player who’s only 23, he’s got a long way to go to be even better. He can score, has a great shot and can one-time it like Hull and the other greats. Calling him GARBAGE is a little much. Ilya just stepped up his game because Dany Heatley is gone as well as this team is on an emotional high because of the unfortunete circumstances.
As far as Roberts is concerned, he’s 38 and we as Leaf fans, as well as hockey fans all know that he can’t play that style of crash-bang hockey every game. I think you’ve been hanging around Don Cherry a bit much.
Nick
And I think you’re an idiot.
Now, I have several things to say about this and it’s only up here because I didn’t want to make all you good people scroll down to the comment board to read it… Let’s begin, shall we.
There are two ways to address this. One is on a strictly hockey sense, the other is on an intelligence level. Just for shits and giggles, we’re gonna hit both. Hockey first.
Gary Roberts at 38 years old is twice the hockey player that Kovalchuk is RIGHT NOW. What I wrote earlier never questioned that Kovalchuk was a good player, because he is. I commented on his attitude. Pay attention, junior. Gary Roberts still goes out and crashes and bangs and goes hard to the net hard. Kovalchuk can shoot like a mad man and is faster than hell. But all the positives you said (great shot, one-time from anywhere and can score) leave out big parts of the game. Like, maybe passing or helping out on defense. The guy’s a floater. I could have 10 goals in the NHL right now too if I got to stand at cneter ice while my team mates fed me the puck and did all the work. I’ve yet to see him throw a hit or do an ounce of work along the boards. Roberts is a leader on and off the ice who 2 years ago single handedly carried his injury depleated team through the playoffs. Kovalchuk, well he has yet to get his team in to the playoffs even with Heatley’s help. it’s hard to compare because of talent levels on the two teams and the 2’s age differences, but it’s fact nonetheless. Let’s move on to the intelligence part of this arguement as thats where I’m most fumed after reading your post.
To be honest, that was idiotic. The Atlanta Thrashers are NOT on an emotional HIGH. A team mate died, fool. It’s an emotional time. You get an emotional high when you win the cup or score your 50th goal. Think about it. Second, you accuse me of spending too much time with Don Cherri. YOU LINKED TO TWO HOCKEY WRITERS. You don’t disagree with me, you agree with what you’re told on TSN. I don’t give 2 shits about Pierre McGuire. He’s entitled to his opinion and I am, mine. I don’t phone Pierre after his segments and tell him HE’S WRONG. Also, when I wrote my post. Did I ever try to say that Kovalchuk wasn’t a good player? In that post I simply said I hated him and Roberts was one of my faves. Reading your response makes me wonder if you even read my article cuz you didn’t touch on anything I said other than the word garbage which I stand by. He IS garbage. AS A PERSON. The points I brought up were about pumping a fist after an empty net or embarassing a young French team in international competition while representing your country. For my money. The two best players in the league right now are Todd Bertuzzi and Peter Forsberg. THEY DO IT ALL. Hit, defend, pass, score, stand up for team mates. I haven’t seen Kovalchuk jump in to a scrum yet to stand up for someone unless the guy had his back turned. You’re telling me my opinions aren’t mine, they’re Cherry’s. All I have to say to that in closing is this, and a few of you only will understand this. Man, you can quit questioning my OPINIONS and go back to posting Bob McKenzie’s Insider Reports into e-mails and sending them to everyone with your name on them claiming to be an Insider. Who’s ideas are those? With that.
I’M DONE!
Hallowe’en Countdown! "Trick Or Treat" BUBBLE TAPE!
Back with some more Hallowe’en fun. This time we take a look at Trick Or Treat Bubble Tape. How could it not be cool.
Don’t forget to check out all the other cool stuff on X-E. The place is loaded with all kinds neat stuff. But for now, let’s look at Hallowe’en Bubble Tape.
—I’m going to assume that everyone reading has tried “Bubble Tape” at some point in their life — if you haven’t, you’re insane. It’s six feet worth of bubble gum, all wrapped neatly into a little dispenser for one low cost. Six feet! If I’m remembering things correctly, Bubble Tape was first unleashed on the world when I was in the fifth grade — long time ago, so it’s a long-standing commodity in the candy market. When this stuff first came out, though, kids were absolutely wild for it. It wasn’t “just” gum, it was this huge experience and any of us who had a pack instantly climbed that unspoken social ladder by at least three steps. There was a huge ad campaign that tried to pit any child who ate Bubble Tape as a disobedient rebel and generally cool guy, so of course, that’s the gum we wanted the most. Over the years, there’s been oodles of new flavors, but it doesn’t seem to pack quite the star quality it did during my youth. There’s been spans of months where I won’t see it on sale anywhere, but fortunately, it’ll always pop up again, sometimes with a weird gimmick. A weird gimmick like this: Bubble Tape’s “Trick or Treat” black raspberry gum. Yep, you can say “holy shit” now. Even Bubble Tape has a Halloween edition.
It’s interesting, to say the least. As bubble gum in general just becomes more tastebud-assaulting in the sour and tart department, black raspberry seemed like a natural choice. Indeed, the inside of your mouth with go batshit nutso upon receipt of the gum. The “bubble” part isn’t quite literal, as it’s not really chewy enough to make anything but a few token bubs that last two seconds before staining your lips with deep purple gumjuice. They should market that as a selling point. Kids love looking filthy. I don’t, but the stains remain nonetheless. I just had a piece now, and my tongue looks like a half-defrosted steak. I wonder if eating “Trick of Treat” Bubble Tape can help me nail a halfassed-but-passable Halloween costume.
“Hi partygoers. I’m the guy with the bruised tongue. I hear there’s punch!!”
I’m perfectly fine with Halloween Bubble Tape — actually, the thought of it tickles me. There’s just one thing I gotta know, and it’s something that’s bothered me for the better part of my life.
Is there really six feet of gum in there?
Nope, there isn’t. They’re more than a full foot short with that claim. I even allowed for a reasonable margin of error, as the end of the roll was pretty brittle and impossible to lay out in a straight line without breakage. BUBBLE TAPE HAS BEEN LYING TO US, FOLKS. There’s only 4’11” worth of gum in those packages. We’ve been gypped!
Though, you know, 4’11” worth of bubble gum is nothing to cry about. I just so wished that the wad of unchewed glory would actually be taller than I am. If only I was an Oompaloompa. With a bruised tongue. With lots and lots of money. Think I’ll go chew my sorrows away. Bye. 🙁
Enemies, Mr Shmoe, A Russian Retard & MORE!!
It seems that my newest enemy, Steve, and my oldest enemy, let’s call her… EVIL HUMANIZED have united lately in a movement to shatter my ego. Well, let me say this! The two of you have much work ahead of you to smash THIS ego. I’m not sure at what point Steve and I actually BECAME enemies. It seems that decision was made for us but rest assured friend. You’re in for a war. I now consider you to be on the same level as things like Oprah, Big Show work-rate, our friend Chris, pineapple juice and other things that plague my life. You join elite company.
Just thought I’d pass on yet another reminder of tonight’s Joe Shmoe Show finale on Spike TV. You’d better be watching or …. uhh… hmmm. This threatening stuff is hard. Moving on.
As I said late last night. I went to see the Leafs/Thrashers game. Was actually a good game but it provided a unique experience. I was able to see the player who is right now probably my favourite in the league and the player that is BY FAR the guy I hate most in the league.
Yup. Gary Roberts vs Ilya Kovalchuk. I’m sure most of you can guess which is which but for those of you who suffer from an exceptionally intense case of IDIOCY I’ll specify. Roberts Good. Kovalchuk Not As Good. Roberts is a complete hockey player through and through. He hits, passes, scores, makes good plays along the boards, goes in to the corners and will stand up for his team mates if he has to. Now let me make this very, very clear for all of you. Kovalchuk is GARBAGE! Yup, pure Russian trash. (before I move on I’ll say I don’t believe all Russians are trash, I simply used Russian as an adjective, there’s Canadian trash out there too! believe me, saw most of it last night at ACC)
The guy’s a goddamn hot dog. At the World Junior’s two years ago his Russian team was up 8-0 on a young French time who was just there for experience. Kovalchuk scores a goal to make it 9-0 and dances and celebrates tauntingly like he has just scored the Stanley Cup winning goal. A few nights ago he scored on an empty net to insure a win for his team and instead of having some dignity and respect for the other team, he drops to one knee and slides along the ice pumping his fst. What the HELL is that? It’s an empty net you retard and the game was already over. Now you’re just trying to embarass the other team. I can’t wait until someone like Todd Bertuzzi or Rob Blake absolutely staples that guy to the boards after pulling some shit like that on their home rink. Stuff like that pisses me.
Well that’s it for now. I’ll be back later with some more Hallowe’en Countdown and we’ll see what else. Don’t forget to tune in to Steve’s radio show today!! The link’s over there on the right.
What? Oh I guess I promised “MORE!!!” up there in the title, didn’t i? Wel tough! I’m tired you greedy pricks. I need some me time.
Have A Good One
A Good Night, A Bad Night, Some Dumb Shit So Let’s All Fight
Well I just got back from the Leaf game, and what do I see? Idiocy on the boards! Had a great time at the Leaf game but having to come back to this sours me quite quickly.
But.. I don’t have much to say on it. Steve handled pretty much everything that needed to be said, and did it quite well. No need for me to repeat him or step on what he’s said. That may cause INFIGHTING!!!
I’ll say this though. Would be wise for our friend to keep in mind what I told him about the ability to block people from the message board. It’s 2 clicks away. I’ll leave at that and just say good work to my partner, Jim.
As I said, I spent tonight in T.O. at the Air Canada Center watching the Leafs and Thrashers. Was a great game despite the Leafs losing in overtime. Although, by all right the Leafs should have been out of it long before then but as usual, Uncle Eddie kept them in it. And the O.T. goal was beautiful with Savard goin’ roof-daddy on Belfour. He really didn’t have a chance.
Enough of that. I was overwhelmed of the pool of human ignorance that is downtown Toronto. Everyone feeling that they need to be the first ones to their seats. Something wrong when my 10 year old cousin gets cut off and run in to by two 40 year old steaming piles of… well you get it. And ya if either of you two are reading. You shouldn’t have been surprised that I didn’t walk around when you stopped right in front of me after hittin’ my cousin. Kinda sucks to get absolutely crushed by someone bigger than you, doesn’t it? You better be careful. The next 10 year old you cut off may just kick your ass! 10 year olds these days are total bad-asses.
Thanks to Steve’s friend for the fun Hallowe’en stuff. You’re all more than welcome to contribute with things like that. It shakes things up a bit.
Jim, prepare for BEHIND THE SCENES BATTLES! Inside jokes are mine and mine alone! And I think we need to find this source he’s using. We have a mole amongst us. We’ll find him, Jim. We’ll find him.
PeACE
The Frozen Hand Of Death
Taking a break from the unpleasantness that is the last post I thought I’d share this with you all. Got an email from a friend who I promised a bit of space to and she came through with something kind of cool considering the Halloween thing that we’ve got happening here. I’m also getting in my 1 and hopefully only inside joke. If Matt can do it, then damnit, so can I! And if he has a problem with that, he can feel free to start some behind the scenes infighting with me. So without further delay, take it away, Hailley!
**so here is one thing I wanted to pass along goes with that popcorn hand
grins.
Delicious! As it is with any Halloween punch, a frozen ‘hand’ adds just the
right spooky touch! The combined colors make a delightfully scary look!
Makes 1 gallon (32 servings).
Black Halloween Punch
1 (.13 ounce) envelope unsweetened grape soft drink mix
1 (.13 ounce) envelope unsweetened orange soft drink mix
2 cups white sugar
3 quarts cold water
1 liter ginger ale
Directions
1. To make a frozen hand, wash a disposable glove, fill with water, seal
with a rubber band and freeze until hard.
2. Stir together grape soft drink mix, orange soft drink mix, sugar and
water until solids are dissolved. Combine with chilled ginger ale just
before serving. Dip the frozen hand briefly in warm water, then peel off
the glove.
Float the prepared hand in the punch bowl for a ghastly effect.
This is a real actual recipe but the hand part sounds real cool.
Now the other lil’ ditty I wanted to post was…and remember you said you
would put up there whatever I wanted,ok? So..this is what I want to
ask…Steve, is it still a toaster? ehehehehe
Hailley
Ok, back to me again. Matt, or anybody else, let me know if that worked, I tried to put the email in red and me in the plain old regular colour that we always use, just to make things easier for the sighties and to prove that I’m just that cool.
Anyway to answer 1 question, yes, it is indeed a toaster and it will be so to it’s dying day. Even the lone person who refuses to believe this cold hard fact has cracked on a few ocasions and refered to it by it’s true name. In any case, I don’t have to deal with it anymore as it is now gone away from here and taken up residence in another, more anti-toaster household. It has been replaced by a new toaster which is proud of it’s toaster heritage.
Thanks for the cool recipe by the way. I can’t even imagine pulling that shit on my drunk friends, would freak the shit out of them for sure. Well not the ones who read this site since they’ll already know but not everybody reads this so cool idea.
More from me later.