In Other Burrito News…

While writing up that last post, I decided to run a search for “burrito” in the big archive O stuff that Carin and I affectionately call Mini Google just to see if I was hanging on to anything that might be helpful. I wasn’t, but I did find a couple of things from earlier this year that are relevant to our interests, so let’s knock those out now, why don’t we?

  1. We’ve established that throwing burritos is a wrong thing to do. But if you absolutely must, at least hit the right person.

    Investigators were called Wednesday evening to Rick’s Reef, a St. Pete Beach eatery, due to a “female subject yelling at customers.”
    The woman in question was Sarah Anne Kochera, 46, who lives with her boyfriend at his condo just down Gulf Boulevard from Rick’s.
    A witness told police that Kochera “was in a verbal dispute” with a man not identified in an arrest affidavit. At one point, Kochera “threw a burrito at this subject.”
    But the airborne burrito did not strike the man with whom Kochera quarreled. Instead, the Mexican delicacy “hit the victim in the face.” The affidavit does not indicate whether the victim was injured by the burrito.
    Kochera departed the restaurant before cops arrived. But she “remained nearby and was not cooperative with deputies.”

    Anybody else hear a name like Sarah Kochera and immediately break into song?

  2. Good: Offering an upset customer some free food because the soda machine isn’t working.
    Bad: Filling it with poison …allegedly.

    Deputies found that there was a heated exchange between a customer and employees due to the soda machine not working. The customer was eventually given an extra burrito and went home, according to the Sheriff’s Office.
    Several hours later, around 7:50 p.m., a hospital contacted the Sheriff’s Office and reported that they were caring for a patient who had eaten at Taco Bell and ingested rat poison. The hospital confirmed there was indeed rat poison in the burrito, according to the Sheriff’s Office.
    Investigators determined that the sick individual was the same person involved in the earlier disturbance. Deputies responded to his home, the hospital and the Taco Bell to begin an investigation.

    “How could he tell the difference between the rat poison and Taco Bell’s usual ingredients?” asked someone looking for a way to end a post.

Would You Like Community Service With That?

Barb sent this along, saying that it was a food feud sentence she could get behind. I agree. You obviously can’t do things like this in every case, but since no one appears to have been seriously hurt, this is as good a time as any to give it a go.
Woman who threw hot burrito bowl at Chipotle worker sentenced to fast food job

Don’t worry, there’s also some jail time involved, as there should be. But if Rosemary Hayne spends two months working 20 hours a week at a fast food restaurant, she’ll spend 60 days less there than she would have otherwise.

Russell was working as a manager at the Chipotle in Parma, Ohio, in September when Hayne ordered a plain chicken burrito bowl. 
“She just didn’t like the way I made her food. I made her food twice, and she had left the building, checked her food in the car, and she came back and started yelling at me and my crew, disturbing my customers,” Russell said.
“Next thing I know, I had food in my face, dripping from my hair.”
A video of the attack that circulated on social media shows the woman slamming the bowl down on the counter before lobbing it at Russell.

Russell says she had just prepared the food, so it was quite hot. But, ultimately, she says she suffered “a few bruises, but nothing too major.”

Like I said, I hope this works out. Sometimes when you walk a mile in another person’s shoes, it really can change you. But I can’t help but be just a little bit worried when I read this part here that we might have a repeat offender on our hands.

According to Fox News affiliate WJW, Hayne apologized in court to Russell and said there was no excuse for her behaviour.
Nevertheless, she continued to defend her actions as the judge handed her sentence down.
“You didn’t get your burrito bowl the way you like it and this is how you respond?” Parma Municipal Court Judge Timothy Gilligan said to her. “You went in there looking for a fight.”
“I did not,” Hayne responded. “If I showed you how my food looked, and how my food looked a week later from that same restaurant, it’s disgusting looking.”
“I bet you won’t be happy with the food you are going to get in the jail,” the judge retorted.

I hope I’m wrong, but saying there’s no excusing what I did and then immediately making excuses for it is not the best start.

Zombie Claus

Here we are, a week into December, and somehow I’m not totally sick of Christmas music yet. Usually the world has that taken care of by Halloween, but I suppose being laid low for a decent bit of November by all the crud going around and a Covid shot might have its advantages after all.

Anyway, if you’re looking for some Christmas music, I have some for you. And it’s actually fun, so bonus.

And if you’re thinking to yourself where do I know the name Psychostick from, maybe it’s Carin’s old post about finding a dentist. Maybe it’s not, but go listen to the dentist song anyway.

The Christmas one is better.

The News Blooper Videos For October And November


With all those hot lovers, no wonder the news is on Tinder now. And I wonder how that air fried turkey turned out. Is everyone ok?

And here, because I didn’t get around to posting it at the time, is the video for October. I’ll warn you though: It’s the first time I ever watched one of these and didn’t laugh. Not sure if it’s that a lot of it was too visual, my frame of mind at the time or if it’s just not funny, but it just wasn’t doing it for me. But at least it’ll give you all something to do until one of us gets around to posting again.

This Is The Schlong…


I think it’s kind of weird that people feel the need to fill their homes with surveillance cameras that are constantly monitoring everything they do and potentially sharing it with the whole world because the security on those things can be pretty damn bad, but maybe it’s all worth it if you can catch one home inspector turning your 2-year-old’s Tickle Me Elmo doll into a friggin bio hazard.

VanLuven was inspecting the Oxford Township home on behalf of a potential purchaser. The home’s owners had let VanLuven, another inspector, the buyers, and a real estate agent into the property.
When the inspection began, the owners and their two small boys left the three-bedroom house. After two hours had passed, homeowner Jaida Dodson remotely accessed her home security cameras to check on the progress of the inspection.
At a court hearing last year, Dodson testified that she saw VanLuven remove a Tickle Me Elmo doll that had been among stuffed animals stored in a small teepee tent in the bedroom of Dodson’s two-year-old son. VanLuven then allegedly “unzipped his pants and began masturbating in our son’s closet with his Tickle Me Elmo,” Dodson recalled.

After Dodson called police, an officer confronted VanLuven at the residence. The cop reported that VanLuven “admitted to placing his penis in Elmo’s mouth, in the doll’s mouth” and “apologized and said he was ashamed.”

He was found guilty of one count of aggravated indecent exposure, but acquitted of malicious destruction of property. I can only assume that the property in question was poor Elmo, which is pretty funny, actually.

Clean Up Your Act, You Two

As a blind person living in a big apartment building, I sort of understand this. Only difference between him and I is that he’s calling just because his clothes were removed and I’d be calling to self-report the beating that I could not guarantee I would be able to refrain from giving to the person who removed them. Or more likely, I’d be calling for help with pulling Carin off of that person. Do not mess with Carin on laundry day! And keep your damn hands off of other people’s laundry, for god’s sake. You’re not that busy.

Officers responded to a 911 call at a residence Sept. 23 and learned that a man had called because his sister had taken his clothes out of the washing machine without his permission.
It was his third load of laundry, and the woman said she took it out because it was taking too long.
The man, 27, wanted to pursue charges against his sister for touching his laundry, but officers advised him that no crime had been committed.
They were both told to work out the matter as adults, since they were living together in their grandmother’s house.

What Are You Doing, You Fuels! That’s Not A Safeway To Carry That!

Even after all these years, there are still times when I think to myself that if I see anything dumber than this today, I’ll be surprised. This is one of them.

A man in Phoenix, Arizona, was taken to the hospital with serious burns after being found near a car that was also on fire. A friend of the victim, who was also burned but not as badly, told police that the car was his, and that it had been stolen by someone who had burned him with something before taking off. His friend had witnessed the theft and jumped in his own car to follow. When the “robbery victim” caught up with them, he found that his pal and his car were both on fire.

However, when police talked to witnesses, the story started to unravel. Those witnesses did mention a third man, but that man didn’t sound at all like the one who had supposedly taken and torched the car. And so it was that they talked to the “robbery victim” again and the truth finally emerged.

Police later found out the victim had asked his two friends to get gasoline since one of their cars was empty. The men filled several plastic grocery bags with gasoline before loading them into their car. They then picked up the victim and drove where the second vehicle was parked. However, before they arrived, the bags of gasoline ignited with the three men inside the car, causing the vehicle to erupt in flames.

You know, if I had to admit that two of my buddies and I weren’t smart enough not to set ourselves on fire by driving around with grocery bags full of fuel, I might try the fake car theft route too.

Seriously, grocery bags?

Your Home Is Not Your Home

Whenever we’ve flirted with the idea of buying a house or hear that someone we know is doing it, one thought always crosses my mind. I sure hope it doesn’t come with a homeowners association. Those things suck shit and should probably be illegal. I don’t think I’ve heard a single positive story about one in my entire life. They seem to do nothing but harass people for the silliest so-called violations and when they’re not doing that, it’s only because they’re busy literally stealing someone’s home out from under him.

This video from Last Week Tonight didn’t do much to change that opinion, let me tell you.