Go Directly To Jail. Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $1

Angelique R. Vandeberg could find herself with a lot of time to sit in the corner and think about what she’s done.

The 28-year-old woman is facing up to 3 years in prison for allegedly
shooting her 8-year-old daughter in the leg with a BB gun to win a $1 bet she had made with her boyfriend while the 2 of them were drinking heavily.

Police began looking into the incident Wednesday after a school counselor reported it to police. The girl was shot three or four days earlier, but a circular bruise with a white-colored point in the middle remained visible on her thigh, the counselor said.

The girl said the shooting occurred in her mother’s bedroom, where Vandeberg was with her boyfriend after she had consumed 10 to 12 beers.

The boyfriend bet Vandeberg $1 she wouldn’t shoot the child, then handed her the BB pistol. Vandeberg took it and shot the girl. The bullet, which did not break the skin, bounced off her leg and struck her 7-year-old brother, who was not injured.

The boyfriend then grabbed the gun, ran out of the house and drove away. Vandeberg told her daughter not to say anything, advising that the incident was a “family thing” and the mother would go to jail if the girl told.

For her part, Vandeberg says her daughter is making up the story to try to get her in trouble, but for what we do not know. she says that the injury is actually 3 weeks, not 3 days old and that it was the result of a fall from a bike.

Riiiight.

I’ve known some smart 8-year-olds in my time [hell, I’d like to think I was one] but this seems way too logical a story for one of them to not only come up with, but stick to. The involvement of social workers prior to this incident wouldn’t appear to do our mother of the year’s credibility any favours either.

Hopefully a few years of not being able to go outside and play with her friends at the beer store will set her back on the straight and narrow. If not, hopefully Sheboygan County will do the right thing in spite of it’s policy of trying to “keep families together even in cases of child abuse” and get these poor kids away from mommy the maniac before somebody makes her another offer she can’t refuse.

Something Tells Me This Isn’t One Of His Better Cases

Listening to the defense lawyer, Jason Grey, talk in this story makes me dizzy. Come get dizzy with me.

We have an odd story about Manuel Balbin allegedly torturing a teenager who he thought stole his Playstation. That was weird enough, but then his lawyer opened his mouth. He didn’t start off wonderfully by saying that the words are worth nothing because they are the words of a gang member. He quickly followed this up by saying that his client was not a member of a gang, even though he has gang insignia tattooed on his shoulder. His final confusing statement was that this whole rigmarole wasn’t torture, but a gang initiation. But Mr. Grey, how can your client be part of a gang initiation if he’s not a member of any gang?

Listen, buddy, other people have already been convicted. Maybe you should just say he’s nuts, his street name is insane after all, and try and convince the judge he needs help. This method isn’t working.

Wow, What A Prize

I think this woman must be unsatisfied with a lot more than her sex life to act like this.

When deputies arrived, the woman denied any assault had taken place, and repeatedly, without sparing a vulgar euphemism, told the deputies about how unsatisfied she was with her sex life — some of the time carrying around a half-gallon of whiskey while doing so.

During an argument with one of the deputies, the woman picked up the family’s 20-pound dog and threw it at the deputy, who caught it, the report said.

The deputies convinced the couple to separate for the night, and the man said he was taking their children to a hotel. But the 28-year-old returned to the apartment and took her husband’s wallet, military identification card and keys.

The woman resisted being arrested for theft — her screams were described as “blood-curdling” by one of the deputies. The deputy who drove the woman to jail reported she questioned his manhood, asked God to forgive him because “he knows not what he does,” and “donkey-kicked” him in the shin while he attempted to walk her from his patrol car to the jail, reports said.

Come on, that should be on an episode of Cops. It just needs to be there.

Sory, Don’t Try Again

An almost aptly-named kid who is now dead after racing a train with his skateboard is Jonathan Sory. I bet he’s really sorry about making that decision. But what I can’t figure out is why the company who runs the train is busy being sorry. Anyone who races a train is an idiot. Unless the conductors didn’t even try to stop, it’s not their fault.

Speaking Of Penguins…

Carin’s
penguin post
reminded me of this old joke that I don’t seem to have posted here before.

A penguin was driving through Arizona on a hot, summer Sunday when he noticed his oil light was on. He got out of the car and, sure enough, it was leaking oil all over the road.

The penguin drove around the corner to a service station and asked the mechanic to take a look at it. The mechanic said he had a few others to look at first but if he came back in an hour he could tell the penguin what was wrong with his car. The penguin agreed and went for a walk.

He found an ice-cream shop and thought a big bowl of vanilla would really hit the spot since he was a penguin and it was Arizona in the summer, after all.

He sat down at the counter and started to eat. Of course he had no hands so it was rather messy. By the time he was done he had ice-cream all over his flippers, and his mouth was a total mess.

Eventually he walked back to the service station and asked the mechanic, “Did you figure out what was wrong with my car?”

The mechanic replied, “It looks like you’ve blown a seal.”

“No no,” said the penguin. “It’s just ice-cream!”

I’m Sorry, You’ve Got The Wrong Mindset

Here’s a new one for ya.
Phone: ring
me: Hello?
pause
me: ah shit here we go, a telemarketer.
heavily accented voice: Hello. Is This (says some name that isn’t mine)?
me: Nope, you have the wrong number.
heavily accented voice. No. I have the right number, just the wrong person.

Yeah, and in most of the sane universe, that means you’ve got the wrong number. It’s only the right number because you don’t really care who you get. Most people, when they call a number, are looking for a specific person. If that person doesn’t live there, they’ve got the wrong number. There is no such thing as the right number but the wrong person.

Damn it Bell and all your new services you gave us to make up for screwing up our bill, why did you have to give us Identicall numbers that used to belong to someone who seemed to attract telemarketers?

Signed, Sealed, … Not So Sure About Delivered.

Heeheehee. Why, every time I think about this story about a seal trying to rape a penguin do I giggle? Maybe it’s this description that does it.

The 100kg seal first subdued the 15kg penguin by lying on it.

The penguin flapped its flippers and attempted to stand and escape – but to no avail.

The seal may have been frustrated in its attempts to find a partner

The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin, and thrusting its pelvis, trying to insert itself, unsuccessfully.

After 45 minutes the seal gave up, swam into the water and then completely ignored the bird it had just assaulted, the scientists report.

Even better is that the scientists don’t even know what sex the penguin was. Well, I guess the seal really can’t get no satisfaction.

Tony BerZirkle

How did Tony Zirkle go from top prosecutor and graduate of the naval academy to, well, raving lune? He certainly is one of those now, one who is trying to win votes and enter the congress. Good luck, buddy. With ideas such as

We now have a small army of male black porn stars that are sifting through five, ten, fifteen thousand women,” he said. “One man can now genocide the wombs of thousands of women,” infecting them with sexually transmitted diseases that leave them barren.

or that blacks and whites should be segregated into separate states to prevent the, uh, “pornocaust,” or that the porn industry is a plot by Jews against white women called “porn mule womb slaughter”, he’s got a lot of work to do, as does the What The Fuck department.