What a way for someone to find out her husband was into S and M. He ends up in the hospital because it goes wrong, and a reporter tells her all the gory details. She did better than I would have done. Hopefully this guy’s x students don’t read the newspaper.
Did They Do This On purpose?
Is it wrong that I think it’s funny that a story about illiteracy has a spelling error? I know it’s just one, but…
Update: It appears they listened to me! No, they probably listened to other people who complained to them about the spelling error. Either way, it’s fixed, and I’ve been made to look like a fool. But it’s better I look like a fool than a newspaper.
>I Give A Vigourous Defense, And A Vigourous Handshake Too!
>Somehow, I doubt ripping a prosecutor’s arm nearly out of its socket is going to win her over to your side of things.
Is The Nimrod A Thing Or A Person?
Note to self. If I ever end up on an oil rig near Scotland, I should never tell anyone about my wacky dreams. They might freak out and evacuate the place. That’s what happened when one woman had a dream about a bomb being on the platform. They went nuts, called in helicopters, reconnaissance crafts, the army bomb squad, and all kinds of other crap, and now that there was no bomb, they’ve dragged the woman in for questioning! I guess they have to, to make sure it was in fact a dream, but if it was, the poor woman’s going to be having nightmares forever, and she won’t tell a soul.
On a sidenote, does anyone else think it’s weird that there are reconnaissance crafts called Nimrods?
Don’t You Have Something To Write?
Uh, I’m scared. I received the following in my email, and it sounds so much like me that either someone was watching me throughout university, or I wrote it between email checks!
*How to write a paper in college/university:*
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.
2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven’t written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You’d better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.
13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!
14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).
15. Check your email.
16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.
17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she’s started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large.
18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You’ve probably run out.
19. While you’ve got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.
20. Check your email.
21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren’t missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).
23. Check out bored.com.
24. Wash your hands.
25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven’t started either.
26. Look through your housemate’s book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.
29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.
30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.
31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
34. Punch the wall and break something.
35. Check your email.
36. Mumble obscenities.
37. 5am – start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.
38. Complain to everyone that you didn’t get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.
39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.
So I guess I wasn’t the only chronic procrastinator out there. I like the sprinkling in of the playing of solitare. That was so me it’s scary.
Welcome To Wal-Mart. You Got Any Spare Change?
According to a recent survey conducted by police in Coos Bay, Oregon,
the panhandlers that hang around outside of the local Wal-Mart make in a day what clerks inside make in a week.
I’m not sure if I feel more shocked that this is allowed to happen in a so-called civilized society or guilty that I unapologetically shop there in spite of my knowing how evil that company is.
I suppose if anything stories like this blow the Wal-Mart creates good jobs argument they like to use when they take over a new town right out of the water.
Out, Demon, Out!
This story is just riddled with good stuff, so riddled that I’m having trouble forming a coherent thought.
In the town of Poczernin, Poland, there is a priest named Andrzej Trojanowski wanting to set up an exorcism center. Exorcists say, and I quote, “Typical cases include people who turn away from the church and embrace New Age therapies, alternative religions or the occult. Internet addicts and yoga devotees are also at risk.”
Um…how tradditional are exorcisms? I know they’ve been around a while, but so has Yoga. Watch yourself.
A few lines later, Trojanowski says “conventional medical therapy often neglects spiritual ailments.” What does that make exorcism? Hmm. That would be an alternative therapy. Do we need another exorcism for the exorcised because they turned to exorcism? I see an infinite loop forming.
Another fine point is exorcists say they’re careful not to treat the mentally ill. Um, isn’t being possessed by demons what people used to call mental illness? And how do they know if someone’s mentally ill or possessed by demons? It seems like a very difficult line to walk. Are they acting weird because of schizophrenia, or because Satan is telling them to? Is that the voices or the voice of Satan? How can they ever know?
One example I thought was weird was that of a woman who renewed her wedding vows as part of marriage counselling, *this becomes important*, and then days later, wanted a divorce. They said this had to be a work of Satan, because how could she develop such a strong hatred for her husband so fast? Uh, they were in therapy. The marriage wasn’t working. Maybe she realized that renewing her vows was a mistake and everything came to the surface. The kicker is that happened four years ago, and they’re still trying to help this “afflicted wife.” So that exorcism thing is rreally working for ya, isn’t it?
all this proves is the same old thing. Religion is full of contradictions, and can’t hope to say anything that manages to make sense.
Motel Sit. We’ll Leave The Light On For Ya.
They never mention in this story how expensive a stay in a PetSmart Pets Hotel is. What is the funniest part of this story? Is it the fact that TV’s in all the rooms are tuned to Animal Planet? Is it that they serve the dogs dairy-free yogourt? No, that’s disturbing, because what is dairy-free yogourt? Is it that there’s a phone that the owner can call and then they bring your dog to woof at you? No. It’s the fact that 100 of these are up and thriving, and more are being built! I know one job I wouldn’t want in that hotel. Housekeeping!
>My Name Is What?
>Hey there Paul Sidebottom! When the opportunity is there to withhold your name, like when you’re the victim of sexual harassment, you might wanna take it, especially with a name like Paul Sidebottom.
>TV? Check. Pants? Doh!
>Here’s a note for the droopy drawers bandit. Maybe, instead of stealing TV’s, he should steal some pants.