Nobody’s Safe Anymore

If it isn’t already, the world should soon find itself on high alert, because the USB missile launcher has gone wireless!

Like the wired version, the new launcher is controlled by a little targetting app running on a Windows PC. This time round, what’s plugged into said system is a dish-like wireless transmitter that can talk to a similar unit wired up to the launcher itself.

Supplier Brando claims dish-to-dish communications can take place at distances of up to 15ft, which the launcher can propel its payload of three foam missiles a further 20ft. Right down the corridor and into the Accounts department, in other words.

The Stupidest Hero I’ve Ever Had

The next time you’re drinking at a party and think you’re hot shit because you can hold it well, consider this story.

A 64-year-old German air passenger almost popped his clogs earlier this week after quaffing a litre of vodka officials told him he couldn’t take on the aircraft.

According to Spiegel, the man was switching planes at Nuremberg airport en route from Egypt to Dresden. Security operatives informed him that, according to the terror-busting 100ml liquid limit regulations designed to stop al-Qaeda concealing binary liquid explosives in their hand luggage, he’d either have to pay extra to have his bag put into the hold or ditch the booze.

He magnificently rejected both proposals, and sank the entire bottle.

The article goes on to let us know that, wonder of wonders, the plan didn’t go so well, and that the “pickled German” is currently recovering in a Nuremberg hospital.

My Bowl Runneth Over

Dawn Herb, the woman hauled into court for
swearing at her toilet,
has
had her charges thrown out and will not have to do any time or part with any money.

District Judge Terrence Gallagher earlier this week dismissed the charge on the grounds that while Herb’s language “may be considered by some to be offensive, vulgar and imprudent”, it is “protected speech pursuant to the First Amendment”.

Barry Dyller, who represented Herb on behalf of the American Civil Liberties Union, praised the judge’s good sense and insisted that past rulings have established that “colorful language” isn’t illegal. He said: “He’s exactly right … in his reasoning. And it’s important that the public understands this.”

For once, sanity prevails!

If This Post Sucks, It’s Google’s Fault

Somebody please tell me if I’m reading the end of
this article
wrong or missing something, because I fail to see how gang members using a certain brand of baseball caps as part of the outfit becomes something that the company needs to be held responsible for.

Think of it this way. If I buy a computer and then use it to commit credit card fraud, does that make everybody at HP or Best Buy who had anything to do with it falling into my hands as much a criminal as I am? No, it doesn’t. What I do with things in my possession is my responsibility, noone else’s. The same holds true for gang members, no matter how much politicians, police and even private citizens want us to believe otherwise.

Let It Snow…No, Actually, Make It Stop

I think this will probably be the last time I’ll have a chance to write a post before Christmas. It’s snowing, snowing, and snowing some more, but mom and dad are considering driving through it to get home. Interesting. So, hope everyone has a merry Christmas, and enjoys the heap of snow that’s being dumped…pretty much all across Ontario and part of the states! Hope everyone can keep the lights on, and those who lost power get it back soon.

If You Go Down to Sudan Today, You’re In For A Big Surprise

This is also from the old news department, but I need to blog it before Christmas chaos hits.

There is a British teacher who is lucky to escape Sudan with her life. Why? She allowed her 7-year-old students to name a teddy bear Mohammed! But she still says she had a fabulous time in Sudan. Wow, lady, you’re a far braver soul than I could ever be. I guess that’s why you’re teaching English in foreign countries and I’m not.

Gillian Gibbons was teaching English in a Sudanese private school. She decided that a good way to teach the kids some English would be to have one of the kids bring in a teddy bear, have the kids name it, and then each kid could take the bear home and record logs of what they did with the bear. They were going to put their stories in a book and let them all keep it. What a sweet little project! I wish teachers did stuff like that with us when we were little.

She decided to let the kids pick the bear’s name. By a huge majority, the kids chose Mohammed. With Mohammed being a common Muslim name, is it any surprise that was the choice?

So the kids carted Mohammed the fuzzy bear everywhere, and the book was created. They even called Mohammed an intelligent bear. But one of the parents saw it, and ran off to the police. A crime had been committed! Apparently, insulting the prophet Mohammed is a crime, and by naming a stuffed animal Mohammed, even if they called it intelligent, the prophet had been insulted.

So, *clang*, Ms. Gibbons found herself in jail. She could have faced lashes, jail time, and people were coming out in droves with clubs and knives demanding her execution! What the? Luckily, she was pardoned and allowed to go home safely.

Ok, I try to be open-minded to different cultural views, but this is just ridiculous! I can’t understand it. I can’t. I can’t switch places and try and see things from their eyes. I can’t even think of something that we get morally offended about that they would look at and wonder if we were on crack. I can’t do it. I just can’t. Words fail me. My mind is full of sputtering phrases. Let me try and convert them into thoughts that make some semblance of sense.

It was a kids’ project. The kids chose the name. She didn’t force it on them. Part of me screams that you can’t blame the kids, but surely they’ve had it pounded into their heads that you don’t insult Mohammed. Surely, they know this more than Ms. Gibbons. I know that if you go to another culture, you have to learn about their beliefs, but if I was teaching there, and all the kids chose to name the bear Mohammed, I’d have to wonder if maybe this wasn’t viewed as an insult. An insult is a highly interpretive thing. Plus, if you are trying to teach the kids about voting, you can’t really have them vote and then tell them they can’t have it that way. I would have thought, if I was having as fabulous a time in Sudan as she seemed to have had up to now, that the parents would have been reasonable and seen this as a cute little project, nothing more.

The parents have to remember that she’s not from there, and they wanted their kids to learn English from someone who is not from there, after all. So maybe it’s their fault. Maybe they should take the lashes for letting someone teach their kids who didn’t know about insulting Mohammed. They have to expect that someone from far away might do something that’s not exactly standard with their norms. I don’t understand. There seems to be a contradiction here. The private schools go to great lengths to make sure their English teachers are the whitest of white so it looks at least as if the teachers are native English speakers, but if the teachers are not adhering precisely to their beliefs, they should die, die, die? Either you get someone who knows your beliefs inside and out to teach the kids English, or you deal with a few oopses. As long as the oopses don’t hurt the kids, what in hell does it matter? Maybe, if you’re worried about whether the kids are going to be good little Muslims after this episode, you take the teacher aside and explain it to her. You don’t lock her up.

Another thing that confuses me is if it’s such an insult to name a bear Mohammed, how come you can name your kid Mohammed? Aren’t you calling your kid a god, or giving your imperfect child God’s name? Isn’t that an insult, or a sign of hubris, or something? I admit I don’t know shit about shit about all the rules of Islam, but logic leaves me confused on this one.

I also don’t understand this country’s stubbornness. Because of that Danish cartoon, Sudan won’t let Scandinavians come to Darfur, even though they offer highly technical skills. I’m all for standing up for your principles, but this is absurd.

I think I’m done sputtering. I’m just glad she got out ok. This reminds me of that Star Trek The Next Generation episode where Wesley Crusher was going to get executed for stepping on the grass. I never thought I’d see a real case as ridiculous as that. But I guess they had to get the idea from somewhere.

Commuting Is Better Than It Ever Was, I’m Taking It Easy, When I Take The Bus?

Sorry, I don’t agree. After having to commute by bus for a week while I had a temporary job, I don’t think so. I kept hearing that old jingle for Ottawa’s transit system in my head every morning and thinking that if they picked it up for Guelph, I’d have to shoot someone. Commuting is certainly not better, and I’m not taking it easy.

Let’s go through what I had to do in order to get to work in Kitchener, a city that is a half an hour away from me by car, for 9:00 by only bussing and walking, since those were my only options if I didn’t want to spend an arm and a leg taking a cab and I didn’t know anyone I could carpool with.

First, I looked into when buses went to Kitchener. Since there is no Go service, my only option was Greyhound. Get this. They had a bus leaving at 8:00 in the morning, and didn’t have another one leaving until 8:55! When does work generally start? Usually, 9:00. So, this service can’t be helping folks commute to work. So in order to get to Kitchener before 9:00, I would have to take the 8:00 bus.

Since our city bus system is being royally stupid and making the buses come every 40 minutes at heavy times instead of every 30, because reducing service when everyone wants to get somewhere makes a heap of sense, I could either get downtown at 7:15 or 7:55. Hmmm. My bus leaves at 8:00, and the Greyhound station *isn’t* where the city buses pull in, like in every other city in the universe, *bristle bristle*, so I have to walk a few blocks. Right! 7:15 it is! I get to sit at the Greyhound station for 40 minutes just so I’m not late for my bus. I’ve already bought my week-long bus pass, and the terminal has no food, so I just sit there. It is sort of nice to chill for a bit, but 40 minutes?

So, in order to get downtown at 7:15, I had to be standing at my bus stop at 7:00. To account for Trixie having to take a crap, screwy road conditions, and other assorted loveliness, I left my house at 6:45, which meant getting up every morning at 5:45! Are you tired yet?

I can’t imagine having to take the bus to work every single day. I knew taking the bus would mean things would take a bit longer, but that was just too much. By the end of the week, I was friggin exhausted! AT least on the way home, the bus would stop a couple of blocks from where I live, so I wouldn’t have to repeat the same ridiculousness at the end of the day, when I was more tired and just wanting to get my ass home. But it still meant that I got home close to 7 if I was lucky.

I think the only city nearby with decent bus service is Toronto. Too bad it’s so damn expensive and scary to live there.

The Not So Jolly Old Elf

Wow. Santa isn’t just dirty in bot form. Now, if you had sent a lettre to Santa in Canada, you might have gotten a nasty lettre back. Seriously. Apparently, one of Santa’s volunteer elves decided to send children some not so nice notes, ranging from demeaning to inappropriate. Damn I wish I could see one of these letters! I’m so curious. But of course, since the police are involved, nobody’s going public. I wonder if they looked like these ones?

In other news, another one of life’s mysteries has been solved. Now we really know what happens when you send a letter to H0H 0H0.

It’s That Time Of Year Again

Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch [M-LAW[ has announced the winners of this year’s Wacky Warning Labels Contest, and as usual, there are some doozies.

“DANGER: AVOID DEATH” WARNING WINS TOP PRIZE IN M-LAW’S ELEVENTH ANNUAL WACKY WARNING LABEL CONTEST
A label on a small tractor that warns, “Danger: Avoid Death,” has been chosen as the nation’s most obvious warning label in M-LAW’s annual Wacky Warning Label Contest.

The Wacky Warning Label Contest, now in its eleventh year, is conducted by Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, M-LAW, to reveal how lawsuits, and fear of lawsuits, have driven the proliferation of common-sense warnings on U.S. products.
Grand prize winner receives $500 and a copy of the best selling book based on M-LAW’s contest

Kevin Soave of Farmington Hills, Michigan won the $500 grand prize for submitting the label to M-LAW. Soave also wins a copy of the best selling book, “Remove Child Before Folding, The 101 Stupidest, Silliest and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever,” written by M-LAW president Bob Dorigo Jones.

The tractor label and other winning labels were selected from a list of finalists by listeners of the Dick Purtan show on Detroit radio station, WOMC-FM.

OTHER WINNERS:

Don’t follow this advice and you might just get a little hot under the collar.
The $250 second place award will be split by Carrianne, Jacob and Robby Turin of Greensburg, Pennsylvania for a label they found on an iron-on T-shirt transfer that warns: “Do not iron while wearing shirt.”
Baby Strollers have seats for a reason… The $100 third place prize goes to Richard Goodnow of Lancaster, Massachusetts for a label on a baby-stroller featuring a small storage pouch that warns, “Do not put child in bag.”
If you are opening bills, you might want to put blinders on, but one manufacturer of letter openers recommends this:
Honorable mention goes to Cyndi LaMonde of Traverse City, Michigan for a warning label on a letter opener that says: “Caution: Safety goggles recommended.”
How many of us have thought of this trick to get out of paying a bill?
Another honorable mention goes to Ann Marie Young of Fillmore, New York for a warning she found on Vanishing Fabric Marker which cautions users: “The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.”

Behind these silly labels is a serious public policy concern – America’s out-of-whack system of civil justice.

“Predatory lawyers know they can file ridiculous lawsuits against innocent product makers and blackmail them into cash settlements — even in cases in which a user has ignored common sense,” said Dorigo Jones. “The real issue is not the obvious warning labels, but the billions of dollars in litigation costs passed on to consumers — a kind of a “lawsuit tax” we all pay. That is why M-LAW urges judges and policy makers to support civil justice reform.”