Of all the sites on the internet, this is one.
This is just funny. I never knew the closed captions were so inaccurate. Well, during the time of the Southern California fires, they really blew their comic relief load.
I read about this in Snopes, but since the silly folk didn’t caption their picture, I couldn’t laugh along. Luckily, Randy Cassingham thought enough of us blinks to write it out so we could read it.
Damn! Does this kind of stuff happen on a regular basis?
Ok, there’s a minor league team in Allentown, Pennsylvania. The team is called the Iorn Pigs. They have a mascot. It’s name is Pork Chop. But apparently, it can be Pork Chop no more because that’s some kind of slur against Hispanics. Or maybe, just maybe, it refers to a pig, and the team name is iron pigs, so that’s all it is!
Man, people are way too sensitive. Had anyone else heard of this slur? If so, I sure have been living under a rock because I’d never heard of it. Tell me I’m not alone.
Ok. This is just dumb. Goose fat has been sold for years with nobody really buying a whole ton of it. But since some girl, Nigella Lawson whoever she is, got on a talk show and said it was the best way to add flavour to your roast potato, everybody wants some, including big companies like McCains. Then, bird flu hit, killing off a third of the geese used for the fat, and people are wondering how they’ll ever survive without it. Someone went as far as saying that they don’t think there will be a “goose fat crisis.”
I should hope not, it’s goose fat! It’s flavouring, and it’s only in short supply because some supposedly important person said it was good. People can get duck fat, or, horror of horrors, find other ways of making their meal taste good. God, people, have you nothing real to get worked up about?
So, Bulgaria needs another nuclear reactor, and they think that a fine location would be right in an earthquake zone, the same earthquake zone where 120 people died in, um, an earthquake. But that earthquake never happened. Nope, nope. Never happened.
What are they trying to do, kill more people. I think saying that “Bulgaria has a poor safety culture” is a huge understatement, similar to saying that earthquake never happened.
Ok, this just sucks, and illustrates the point that if you agree to anything with any kind of importance, write it down and make everybody sign!
Back in the 80’s, a physician who worked in the same hospital as a lesbian couple who wanted to have a baby decided to help them out by donating some sperm. Orally, they decided that he was not going to have any parental rights or anything, these two were going to be the parents. But you know how good a verbal contract is, right? It’s not worth the paper it’s written on.
Now that that kid is going to college, since the guy sent some cards and gifts and kept distant contact, the lesbian couple is trying to get court to say he is the daddy so he can send support payments, and they’re succeeding, despite the fact that the court says this guy can’t ask for a paternity test. What?
The way I understand the story, they say that since the guy kept some contact and sent gifts, then he assumed some parental responsibilities, so now he should pay. Let me get this straight. Any older person who sent any kid a gift is saying they’re a second dad or mom?
I think this guy’s biggest mistake was putting his name on the kid’s birth certificate. That’s the only place where the court sort of has a case. If he’s going to state in a legal document that he’s the dad…well…he’s saying he’s the dad. But everything else is bull. How can people who say the guy has no parental rights when the kid is a kid now say this guy’s a parent when it’s convenient? It’s one way, or the other.
Ug. I don’t know what else to say, except what a mess.
I was reading the CNIB Insight newsletter that I somehow got subscribed to. I won’t unsubscribe because that newsletter told me about the talks phone deal that got me to get a new cell phone. But today’s newsletter was full of gems. It’s Christmas, so CNIB was in full begging mode, so much so that it was almost sickening. I’ve seen their reaction to funds raised. It’s not the most grateful. So it bugs the hell out of me to watch them beg.
But this gem was what got me to post. I lost the exact wording, damn computer and my deleting the newsletter, so I’ll have to paraphrase. There was a section called ask the expert where the question was what can I buy my family member with vision loss? The expert’s answer rambled on about the various over-priced products you can buy from their store if you don’t know how to shop around. Then, the expert whipped out the following gem. It went something to the effect of… without a talking watch, your family member could unknowingly get up and make breakfast at 3 a.m. or get dressed at 4 a.m.
Give me a fucking break! Does “the expert” actually think blinks are that stupid? Sure, some of us may not be able to see that it’s dark or light outside, but anyone older than 4 knows that when you wake up may not necessarily be time to rise and shine! There are other ways to tell what time it is! Turn on the TV or a radio for Christ’s sake! If you have a computer, check the time on it! For those who have some vision, look around!
Sure, the watch is important. I won’t deny that. But that example just makes us all out to be dumber than a box of rocks.
It’s amazing to think that Brian Wilson, the man behind some of the greatest compositions in music history, is somehow the same person responsible for committing auditory atrocities such as
this one.
Christ this is some awful stuff.
I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is that makes
this story
so great. It could be a drunken man trying to shoplift a box of “giant red hot pickled sausages” from a grocery store at 3 AM while at the same time deciding to pay for a couple boxes of beer. it could be that when he was caught and asked to leave, he used a Krispy Kreme truck as his getaway vehicle. It could be the police giving chase while doughnuts flew from the back of said truck. Or it could simply be that there is a man walking this earth named Warren G. Whitelightning. I’m not sure which it is, but in any case, I’m sold.
I’ve seen firsthand how crazy new parents can be, but I can’t think of any I’ve met who would be neurotic enough to shell out money for the crap featured on
this list of the most ridiculous baby products of the year.
Fake hands? A crying analyzer? Knee pads so the little guy doesn’t hurt himself learning how to crawl? They’re all here, along side stuff that might well be even dumber.
#1 – Zaky Pillow
This is a set of fake hands that lays against your newborn to trick her into thinking that it’s you. It’s almost too creepy for words. And wrong. So very wrong. Even the description is creepy: “Leave a hand with your child!” We’d like to see the studies of these poor babies 10 years from now who found out their loving parents were really disembodied mummy hands…
#10 – Pee Pee Teepee
Yes, we’ve all been peed on by our baby boys once or twice, but a fabric cone to set over their wee wee just in case? How long is it taking to change that diaper, and how long is he exposed that you really need a cover? And, p.s., we’ve seen the stream of pee in action. It’s a large, large, arc that can shoot halfway around the room. You’re telling us that much force against a tiny fabric cone won’t A) shoot the cone around the room with the pee, or B) reflect the pee back at the baby himself. Yeah, we’re not buying it. Literally. We’re not buying it.
Click above for the full list, complete with pictures.
>I can’t explain how happy it makes me that somebody has finally written a
song
about all of the stupid support the troops merchandise people keep buying to make themselves feel better and like they’re doing something worthwhile. Thank you, Asylum Street Spankers, thank you.