I’ve Got A Bike, You Can Ride It If You Like

Robert Stewart, the man who earned himself a spot in his local sex offender registry after being caught engaging in a little…uh…um…
pedalphilia,
has been sentenced to
3 years probation.

Sheriff Colin Miller said: “In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a ‘cycle-sexualist’.”

Stewart’s solicitor Gerry Tierney described the defendant as a “sad little man” who was “trying to tackle his drink problem”. He explained: “When the cleaners came in, he thought he was having fun with them. He does not think it is funny any more, and he has had to move home three times because he has been targeted because of the offence.”

Stewart was warned that “if he re-offended he would be sent to prison”.

Strange as it may sound to some of you, I actually feel bad for the guy. Not because he’s a sad little man with a drinking problem or any other such nonsense, but because he really wasn’t breaking any laws, at least not until the hotel staff broke in on him. He was doing his deed behind a locked door and wouldn’t have been caught had it not been for some anxious cleaners and a master key. The most that should have happened is the use of a few expletives and an exchange of awkward looks before everybody went back to business as usual, or at least as usual as business can go after you’ve witnessed or been witnessed fornicating with a Schwinn.

Someone Needs To Tell Her About The Boy Who Cried Wolf

I hope the woman in this story never gets raped for real, because if she does, no one will believe her. Gemma Gregory has falsely accused 7 men of rape 8 times, and the police have gotten to the point that they tell the guy being questioned that they think it’s “a load of rubbish.” But somehow, she has avoided jail. The judge says she needs help with her mental health, but it is not clear if this is going to be enforced.

Women like this just screw everyone else. I hope she gets help, because she may end up being more of a danger to herself because of these lies.

This Might Sting A Little, And Then Hurt A Lot

Ok, this story makes my head spin in about 3 zillion different directions, so fast that if I don’t try and write something down, something’s gonna blow.

There is an unnamed anesthesiologist in Nassau County who used the same needle and syringe for five years!

Is that making your head spin? Get ready for it to spin faster! The state health department knew about it, but didn’t let any of the upwards of 600 patients who he jabbed know about it until they finished a three-year probe. Now, give your head some more reason to spin. Two of those cases now have Hepatitis C. Some people could potentially be running around with HIV! Only now are they screening them and all their close relatives! Yeah, smart idea to not let anyone know! Real smart.

Let’s make the tilt-a-whirl feeling even stronger. This doctor is still practicing, they won’t name him, and they’re only going to check up on him periodically, after retraining him on proper infection-control methods. Caboom! I couldn’t control the explosion. My head just exploded. I’m sorry, but if a doctor doesn’t know why syringes and needles are disposable, then he shouldn’t be a doctor. Once you’re caught endangering the lives of your patients like that, bye-bye medical license! Do those patients get a second chance to avoid getting shot with Hep C? Nooo!

Wow. I’m done. I can’t think of another word.

To Be Used On Both Heads?

If you thought lead-laiden products from China were bad, what do you think of hair bands made of recycled used condoms? Yup, used. How the hell do they dispose of used condoms in China that someone could get access to them? Does someone have to go through the garbage looking for them? *gag*

And worse than the gag factor, the condoms could still contain STD’s that people could contract by holding them in their mouths while they shaped their hair into pony-tails and such. I keep picturing how many times my mom would hold hairclips in her mouth while she fiddled with her hair. I’ll never hold an elastic in my mouth again! Gaaa! Cheap isn’t always good.

On a funny sidenote, where did these show up? Guangdong province.

Diabetic Shock Meets Electric Shock

If you’re driving through the Ozarks and you have Diabetes, make damn sure that you’re wearing a medical alert bracelet proclaiming your condition. Otherwise, if you have a blood sugar drop, and you are incoherent in your car and police want you out of the car, they might think you’re drunk and taser you, just like they did to James Bludsworth. Bludsworth? Let’s heap some naming irony on top of it, even though it’s not quite spelled perfectly.

Ok, let’s be logical. Even if the guy was drunk, as long as he’s not punching you in the face or saying he’s not gonna do as you say, why whip out the taser? Why not just get the guy out of the car?

These police are lucky they didn’t kill him, as Diabetes can make the heart not so strong, and a few thousand volts don’t usually sit well with an irregular heart.

Oh it gets even better. After being taken to jail, he had to pay a grand to get out, blew a .00 on the breath test, and still has DUI charges against him. And, the chief thinks the police were right in zapping him. Alrighty then.

I feel sorry for the poor guy. It must have been scary enough having a low, then you pull over to the side of the road, probably as your last attempt to get yourself out of harm’s way, then the police show up, and if a fragment of your mind is still conscious, you think you’re going to get helped, and then you get zapped and carted off to jail! It would be great if one of these police officers developed Diabetes later in life and had an event that left him in similar circumstances. Then he’d see how useful a tasing really is in that case.

Little Jimmy’s Little Gym

Does this even seem safe to you? I guess in the UK, since they’re all worried about the child obesity epidemic, to feed off parents’ fears that their kid will end up going to Fat Fuck High, there are now chains of baby gyms where babies as young as four months old can start doing exercises.

Now, I’m a little rusty on my infant development, but really, should kids that little be made to do rolls and stuff? Isn’t there some risk of injury?

And, I’m all about starting kids young into being active, but this seems a little neurotic. If your kid is already getting fat at four months of age, then maybe he has a medical condition, or you’re feeding him way too much food.

This goes to show people will pay anything to feel better. They could probably give the kid just as much exercise at home by playing with him.

Living Rooms And Room For The Dead?

Ok, hopefully someone can explain this one to me. I’ve seen this in a couple of towns, so I know it’s not just some kind of freak thing. There will be a furniture store, and right next door, a funeral home. Both are owned by the same people!

What is that? That is the weirdest pairing of things I’ve ever seen. Do they think you might need a better bed to rest your head, and failing that, a final resting place? Perhaps you’d be interested in a couch or a casket? Or, do people often die on furniture, so you need new ones to replace them? but if you’re grieving, is that really the time to replace the chair?

So, why the hell would more than one family own a furniture store and a funeral home? What’s the connection? When I said to my dad that I thought it was weird, he acted like this was completely normal, and looked at me as if I was the weird one. Why?

We Are The Giant Microbes

At last! At long last! Steve can find Matt some quality ebola for his stocking in the form of a plush toy at the low low price of $8.95. And If Matt is feeling equally, well, warm and fuzzy, he can buy Steve some plush Gonorrhea. Or, if you really like Karl Winter’s stuff, you could buy him some stuffed Salmonella. No, I’m not kidding. This place actually exists. To see the whole pile of choices they offer, go to their main site, GIANTmicrobes.com, choose your country, and look around.

They say their products are good for educational purposes, but they sorta make them out to be a wacky gift/toy. How much of a geek kid would you have to be to appreciate these? They’ve looked at microbes and someone has sat down and designed stuffed animals that represented what the microbe looked like, only way bigger. Please, please, please someone go look at the Giardia doll and describe it to me, so I can picture what Trix’s Giardia bug would have looked like. Or maybe I don’t want that picture. And I wonder what Mad Cow disease looks like. Is it all spongy on top?

God, I feel like such a geek. I have to admit I’m a little curious about some of these. Happy looking around, and don’t let the bedbugs bite.