Hey Hidey Ho, Where’d The Old Lobster Go?

This has to be a setup. Somebody really wanted these lobsters to run wild and free. They had to have.

In the middle of the night in Stuttgart, Germany, dozens of lobsters who were going to be sold to people to be made into a nice dish made an escape from an Asian supermarket. This is what they had to do to get away.

  1. crawl out of their poorly secured crates.
  2. squeeze through the shutters at the front of the store.
  3. Slip out the front door, which had been left open by mistake!

Ok, I can understand the crates not being secured properly, maybe someone didn’t put the mesh on right, but who leaves the front doors of stores open by mistake?

Police were called when people noticed the lobsters running down the street, and they have been scooped up and sent to “an animal home” whatever that is. So maybe they won’t be dinner after all.

Weird. I can’t imagine looking out my window and seeing a bunch of lobsters scurrying down the street. That would be…hmmm…fishy? Yeah, that’s it.

The Bad Idea Graveyard Is Expanding

Let’s visit the graveyard of bad ideas again. If you look to your left, you’ll see the don’t touch me cell phone program, and…oh! What have we here? There’s a new resident! Strangely enough, its creators are also from Japan. It is the portable zebra Crossing crosswalk mat. I’m laughing too hard to speak. So this is their description.

* The Pedestrian’s Best Friend

The tyranny of the automobile makes life increasingly tough for ecoconscious pedestrians, and finding a safe place to cross can result in inconvenient diversions and wasted time. Now the pedestrian can fight back. When you’ve found the crossing point that best suits you, simply roll out the the Portable Zebra Crossing in front of you and cross confidently and in safety at your own pace. Warning: on busy roads where there is no break in the oncoming traffic, attempting to roll out the Portable Zebra Crossing can be hazardous.

And these folks are actually asking for money for this. I assume there is no risk-free trial period, and they’ll want their money *before*their customers try this ingenius little plan for the first time.

Those Pants Must Have Really Meant A Lot To Him

All I can say is, good!

I don’t think we blogged about this anywhere, but I’m sure everyone has heard about Roy Pearson, Jr. the idiot who sued the dry-cleaners to the tune of $54000000 for supposedly losing his pants, and even though they said they found them, he said they weren’t his, and on and on it goes. Well, because of all the bullshit he’s caused, including causing them to close that particular shop, he may not be able to keep his judge’s job. Good! There is some justice in this world.

Shall We Head To The Graveyard Of Bad Ideas?

I need somebody to explain this
Anti-Groping Appli
thing to me, because I’m just not getting it.

Snip from the article, which is trying but failing:

The application flashes increasingly threatening messages in bold print on the phone’s screen to show to the offender: “Excuse me, did you just grope me?” “Groping is a crime,” and finally, “Shall we head to the police?”

Users press an “Anger” icon in the program to progress to the next threat. A warning chime accompanies the messages.

The application, which can be downloaded for free on web-enabled phones, is for women who want to scare away perverts with minimum hassle and without attracting attention, according to Takahashi’s website.

Ok. You’re being groped on the subway. I say subway because the article specifically says that this system is meant for use on crowded public transit. Anyway, rather than jump, scream or try to nut the guy, your first instinct is to whip out the trusty cellular and poke at icons as if you’re playing a videogame? Not to mention that all the while you’re having to do your best to ensure that Professor Happy Hands has a clear view of the display. Riiiiight. I know that’s exactly what I’d be doing.

Just for fun though, let’s pretend for a moment that this is in any way practical and that for whatever reason you wouldn’t want to attract attention in case things were to get out of hand. Oh, and for our purposes, we need to assume that the you’re grabbing my ass and I’m not enjoying it chime isn’t going to cause concern amongst your fellow passengers.

You’re riding along on the train when suddenly you feel a hand. Doesn’t matter where it is, use your imagination. the important thing is that it’s an uninvited hand. Realizing that Father Bad Touch has joined the party, you do what any safety conscious woman would do. So, out comes the phone, and flashbeep go the messages.

Realizing he’s been busted, your new friend Bobby Boobtugger wisely figures out that it’s time to get out of dodge. Being the nimble fingered miscreant that he is, he makes a break for it…with the cell phone you’ve been waving at him the whole time. Not wanting to draw attention to the situation however, you say nothing, and off he gets at the next stop, and you’re out a phone and some dignity.

Not sure about you, but I’m wondering where I sign up.

I know this is made in Japan where technology is king, but sometimes things happen that all the fancy gadgets in the world aren’t going to get you out of. At least they’re giving it away for free, because this is definitley one of those times when I’d imagine you’d be getting what you paid for.

Would You Go For A Mygo?

As I write this, I can hear my mother talking in my head. “Don’t be so hard on them. Be grateful they’re even trying something. Whatever comes out of this will be good.” Ah hell. I’m writing this anyway.

Sebastian Ritzler of the Muthesius Academy of Art and Design in Germany has come up with a design for a wacky new cane that he calls Mygo. I’ll describe it first, and see if anyone else starts thinking the same way I do. It’s a cane with a wheel on the end and motors. Inside it, there is a camera and smart sensor combo that measures ground area and perceives objects there, and I assume some kind of speech synthesizer that sends audio feedback to headphones. It is supposed to be extremely tough, waterproof and height-adjustible. It has six hours of battery life, and is estimated to cost $200. He hopes that it will not only replace canes, but dogs as well.

Ok. Let’s break this down point by point. Look at all the technology packed into a stick that the user will slam into hard things repeatedly, some of us at a high rate of speed. It may be in something that thinks it’s tough, but may change its mind after a few days at the office. I’m sure it’s waterproof, I think they’ve mastered waterproofing. I’m just worried about the tough part. I have never heard of another piece of technology that you’re encouraged to swing around and smack into things. You usually handle technology with care so as not to break it.

And, if it’s tough, and filled with gadgetry, how heavy is it? I know it has motors, but are they in it for the same reason Spike, the 200-pound robot, walks back to his docking station to recharge?

Now, where does the audio feedback go? To headphones. What have I said about headphones before? They obscure sound, and inventors of any navigational system being used by the blind should remember that. Think of my ears as your eyes. Would you slap on big crazy video lens-like things over your eyes that would send you special infrared information while driving, even if it meant obscuring your regular vision? How am I supposed to hear traffic and other things around me if this thing is babbling in my ears? Why not use an external speaker you clip to your shirt?

I really like the height-adjustible part. It would be cool to have a one-size fits all cane, that’s for sure. What I don’t like is the battery life, and the idea of having to recharge my cane. I don’t want to leave my house and find out the battery is low on my cane. It’s my cane! It’s kind of critical! If the battery goes out on a GPS device, that sucks, but you can still navigate. If the battery goes out on this thing, and you’re back to using it like a standard cane, and it’s heavy, you’ll curse it all the way to an electrical outlet. And what kind of batteries does it take? Can you get them anywhere? Or, do you have to send your primary means of navigation in for repairs when the battery finally kicks and you need a replacement?

I guess, for all it does, the price-tag isn’t bad. I just find that price a little high for a cane, especially if it has the potential to get damaged. I’m going to use this thing every day, and the risk just seems too much for me to pay that amount.

And we reach the final point, the one that made me want to rip this guy a new one. He thinks his device is going to replace dogs, and canes, “for the few blind people who still use them.” Hmmm. This leads me to believe that he got 0 input from the blind community, because although there are a lot of us with dogs, there are still a lot of us with canes! And you can never even dream that your device will *replace* other stuff. It will only provide another option. Maybe somebody doesn’t want a dog because he just isn’t a dog fan, but he wants to move faster than he does with his cane and thinks this might do it. There are always people who would prefer their cane and people who do the dog thing. It’s a bit arrogant of him to think his device is going to take over completely.

I really do appreciate people trying to build new technologies to help us. I’m just sceptical of some of the new creations, and I hope that when someone gets a brilliant idea, they consult blind folks for some practical suggestions. Maybe this Mygo thing will take off like mad. I just can’t get excited about it personally.

Talking about Updating Talks

Ok, I’m about to geek out, so hope I don’t bore too many.

Remember back when I said I got a new phone? Well, it came time to update the part that makes it talk, so I was going to figure out how. It was a bit tricky, so I figured I’d save some people the trouble of jumping through hoops.

What you have to do is go to the free trial area of the Nuance Talks site, which is here, and select your phone. Then they put the premium stuff first but if you scroll down, you will find the standard area. Pick the US English eloquence, and the link actually comes before the synthesizer it corresponds to. So, the link above the words “ETI Eloquence” that says Sis files US is the one you want. Yep, I said this was confusing. Or, apparently you can get to the Talks install faster if you go to a section of the Blind Sea site, the one I’m linking to. In case the site changes somehow, the files were under the mobile corner and then second edition third party software. Anyway, my model of phone’s version of Talks was there, so anyone who got the same deal as I did, that’s where you can go. There is also other cool stuff there, so have a look around.

So, now you have the file. If you’re paranoid like me, you’ll want to back up your Talks serial number so if something goes horribly amiss, you can put it back in. To do this, on your phone, go to Nuance Talks and zooms and go into the register menu and hit register manually. There, you’ll find your phone’s IMEI number and the serial for Talks. If you’re nuts like me, you’ll write them both down.

Ok, nutsitude over. Here comes some fun. Apparently, because of the design of newer phones, you can’t install applications on them via the computer. You can put the file on the phone, but you can’t go through the install that way. So you have to do it through the phone. And, Talks hasn’t mastered the art of making its installers talk, probably due to the fact that the whole thing has to be much smaller. So how much of a clue would I have on how to install the software without any speech? Zip! Nada!

Lucky for me, there is this enormous genius/geek who has somehow managed to memorize the sequence of key presses and has done an audio demonstration. So if you follow his demonstration exactly, you’ll be good to go. You can either listen to it, or download the thing. I did choice b so I could pause it when I needed to.

Got your files? Got your Phone? Got your USB cable? Got your nice tutorial? Good. Off we go! Surprisingly, this was the easiest part. First, you have to disable Talks to put the new version in. The site still calls this process using Talx-off, which apparently was an older program you had to download, or something, to disable talks. Now, the option is right there in the Talks menu. Anyway, the result is the same, it’s just confusing when you read about this mysterious Talx-off that you’ve never heard of before and can’t find anywhere.

One thing to know is the order of things. You have to install the synthesizer file first, and then the main screen-reader part. I don’t know why it goes in that order, but there it is.

All you have to do to move the files to the phone and start the install is hook up the phone to the computer and press enter on the files. The Nokia PC Suite comes up and wants to know what you want done with the files. You move them over to the phone, and it says its work is done and you’ll have to continue on the phone. Then, you just follow the man’s instructions in that handy dandy tutorial , and in a couple of minutes, you will have nice, updated Talks!

Whew! We’re done! Is your head spinning? Hope that wasn’t too confusing. I know it took me forever and a day and a few people’s help to find all the info I needed. I hope I’ve made someone’s life a little easier by compiling all of it here. Happy updating.

They Crawled Out From Under Their Rock Again!

Wow. Whenever these people show up, my mouth falls open.

Remember the citizens of Herouxville? Well, they’re at it again, and they’re just as bigoted as before.

Apparently, because of that code of conduct they wrote up back in January, there was a commission convened to study reasonable accommodation of immigrantss, and of course, Herouxville sennt representatives. They tried to say that the Canadian Charter will destroy the country. Hey, newsflash there sparky, I’m pretty sure you have rights in there too. I know you used to like the good old notwithstanding clause, but your rights are in there too. Watch your footing on that slippery slope. Don’t take a header off the cliff.

Where everyone else got 15 minutes, the councilors of Herouxville got 35! What I find most disturbing is after they spoke, they actually got a warm ovation! Yuck! Herouxville-itis is spreading!

Are We There Yet?

Do you ever find yourself wondering gee, is it Christmas right now? Me neither, but if ever such a thing does happen to you, you now have an easy way to check.

Now that EatFruit.com seems to be down, this is far and away the new most useless thing on the entire internet. That said, if you think you can top it, let me know. Sorry, links back here don’t count, smartasses.