Man Vs. Machine

The city of Guelph recently passed a bylaw stating that all cabs must have their sign lights turned off when they are carrying passengers.

That sounds pretty mundane I know, but wait until you hear why.

According to Guelph Police Services Board lawyer Harry Perets, the law is designed to eliminate the confusion and safety concerns involved with hailing a cab. Yes, I said safety concerns.

Perets said some people jump in front of cabs to get them to stop when they see the lights on. Turning off the lights when passengers are aboard could reduce such scenarios.

Jesse Mendoza, Canadian Cab driver and secretary treasurer, said people will jump in front of cabs regardless of whether the sign lights are on or off.

About eight years ago, Mendoza said the company handed out fridge magnets to residents informing them that if the sign is off, the cab is occupied.

That didn’t deter people from jumping in front of cabs, he said.

Think about this for a second. I’d say for a minute, but then you’d probably go about as nuts as I did. People jumping in front of cars has become such an issue around here that not only did a taxi service take the step of handing out don’t jump in front of the large moving vehicle you moron magnets, but now, because that didn’t work, the city had to step in and pass into law what they hope will be a solution to the problem.

What they’ve come up with is fine, but I think I’ve got a better idea. Let the cabs hit a few of these idiots. Let’s face it, anybody who thinks that jumping in front of a cab is a wise decision probably doesn’t have much to offer the city or the world anyway, so what’s the loss? Why not stack up a few examples so that maybe people might start getting the message and catching a ride the same way every civilized person in this town does. Calling for one and waiting, or asking a parked cab if he’s free. And when somebody does get hit, send his family the bill for street sweeping and auto repair. They’re the ones responsible for unleashing these people on the rest of us, so why shouldn’t they take responsibility for them? That way the city isn’t out any money and our collective IQ is a little bit higher because the herd is a little bit thinner. Everybody wins.

It makes me angry beyond words that governments have to regulate common sense. We learn that we need to have respect for the road and the things on it from the time we’re old enough to walk. The fact that we need laws and light signals to tell adults what they should already know is fucking disgusting. I know it’s never going to change, but it burns me up that people like this are allowed to live in my world, and that they get protected to such a ridiculous degree while they’re here.

Now We Know Why They Named It That

A 45-year-old man from New Westminster, British Columbia lost control of the van he was driving Friday night, crashing through a concrete median and going over an embankment before coming to rest at the edge of a cliff about 30 metres above get this,
Wreck Beach.

I know it’s not the name of a person like the rest of these have been, but it’s ironic and it amused me so I thought it was worth noting.

Courtrooms And Carlin And Blogs, Oh My!

Man, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to post a wacked out dream that wasn’t dog-related. But it’s finally happening. I guess this one is still kind of dog-related, but not quite as dog-filled.

Last night, I dreamed that the urgent care clinic in San Rafael, the ones that gave me that ugly immobilizer for my bum knee, were suing me. They were suing me because they said I lied about having travel insurance that they wouldn’t take anyway, but this is a dream, so on we go.

I had to sit outside the courtroom forever. They kept having delays. I remember thinking in the dream that they told me there would be delays like this when I learned about what I was supposed to do when accompanying a woman to court for Women in Crisis.

Then they finally brought me in, and the court was in recess, and George Carlin was up in front of the remaining people tellling jokes! Ok then. Every time he went to swear, he decided to censor himself. And his jokes didn’t make any sense. They were about brushing dogs’ teeth. What the?

then it came time for me to speak. I was led up to this desk and told that I had to read entries from the blog where I talked about calling the travel insurance people, because this would somehow prove that I *did* have travel insurance. In front of me was a strange braille display that I’d never seen, and I was supposed to use that. But it was in eight-dot braille mode, and I couldn’t read a thing. I asked them if they knew how to change it, and they said no, so I messed with it for a while and somehow got it into six-dot braille, at which point everybody cheered! Ok! Then it was pretty much over, but not before people were fighting over which day of my guide dog journal was the most depressing.

What the hell? That was weird. I know the whole travel insurance thing isn’t solved yet, and part of me wonders if it would have been better to just pay the damn bill. We’re almost four months later and I’m still receiving notices from San Rafael asking for money. Is that why I dreamed about being sued? But what’s with George Carlin and eight-dot braille and the blog and all that stuff? I don’t know if this dream is seven chickens in a ring weird, but it’s up there.

How does this happen?

I need someone to tell me how it is possible to strap your baby into his/her child seat, drive off, forget to take your kid to the babysitters, go to work all day, still not remember that little Johnny is in the car, only have your memory jogged by your wife who wonders why your kid isn’t at daycare, then come outside, and find your kid dead in the car. I don’t have kids, so maybe I just don’t understand. I mustn’t, because according to this article, lots of people do it. Even when I’m running on autopilot, I don’t think I’d do that. I might get part of the way to work and then go “Oh shit!” and head back towards the babysitter’s. But I have a hard time believing, if I could drive a car, I could get out of my car, turn the lights off and all that stuff, lock it, and walk away without thinking “Gee, have I forgotten something?” Even better, I don’t think I could spend a whole day at work without realizing “holy shit the baby needs to go to daycare!”

But this happens all the time. Ug! I kno this is getting old, but I rest my case!

I Just Called To Say I’m Thirsty

I think we’re getting into SMS tea kettle territory with this one.

A group of postgraduate students from New York University has developed a service [presumably for people who are too stupid to figure things like this out on their own] that will enable plants that are either too wet or too dry to phone for help.

The system, known as Botanicalls [hahaha get it?], works via moisture sensors placed in the soil that will trigger a phone call whenever a serious gardening emergency is detected.

And to make those phone calls just a little more interesting, the Botanicalls people have gone to the trouble of choosing voices for different kinds of plants in an attempt to make the alerts friendlier and give them some personality. For instance, if you forget to water your Scots Moss, you will hear a fake sounding Scottish accent on the other end of the line. Why does it sound fake? That would be because the Scots Moss isn’t actually a Scottish plant, even though its name would suggest otherwise. this, apparently, passes for clever at places such as New York University, where they’ve forgotten that those fake Scottish accents are what most folks think Scottish people actually sound like.

Another heartwarming feature of the service allows the plants to phone you again once you’ve taken care of them just to say thank you.

“We wanted to make sure that you weren’t just getting phone calls that were really needy,” said Rebecca Bray, a member of the development team. “So we have them calling you back when you’ve watered them to say thank you for watering me.”

Sadly, no mentions of why sane human beings would need their plants to call them to say thank you when they would have to be standing right next to them when all this watering stuff was happening or why those people would need a phone call in the first place were ever made, but we did get this fantastic quote, which managed to bring joy and sadness to my heart simultaneously.

“We hope that the system will help people learn how to take better care of their plants over time, and maybe not even need the phone calls after a while.”

I can’t help but wonder if the same people who might benefit from Botanicalls would perhaps be better served by a similar system that would remind them to look after their children. Just something to consider.

Another Fine Parenting Example

Why didn’t this story come in a few hours earlier? I could have included it in my rant about bad parents. Oh well, here it is now, to add to the pile.

Scott Scherer and Melanie Hardrath really love to go watch the Packers play. They really love their memorabilia too. But they don’t love getting a babysitter. So every time there’s a Packers game, they leave their seven-year-old son locked up in his bedroom with a loaf of bread, peanut butter, jelly, and a bucket to serve as a toilet until they get home from watching the game, often six hours later.

People like that are just too selfish to have kids. Ug. And here’s a heaping helping of irony. Scott Scherer was a juvenile counsellor. Really took his job to heart, eh?

Thank God These Two Didn’t Breed!

Wow. This story is just, um, well, stupid. The guy feels like an idiot, does he? So he should.

Let’s tell a quick version of the story, as quick as possible anyway. Michael Moylan, 45, woke up with crazy head pain. He asked his wife to drive him to the hospital. He wondered why she drove really slowly, making complete stops at all the intersections. Upon arrival, the nurse said maybe the reason he felt like his head was going to split was because of the bullet in it. At this point, his wife April fled the emergency room. When they found her again, she said she shot him by accident while he slept. Since she’s a felon, she was not supposed to have guns around, so off to jail she went. But Michael was so nice and forgiving that he tried to bail her out and found out that he had no money because she ran his business into the ground. Because he loved his beloved wife so much, he put their house up as collateral to get her out, confronted her about the shooting, and she admitted she had tried to shoot him on purpose. So…he banished her to the couch for the night. Ooo! If I were April, I’d be shaking in my boots! She begged him to let her sleep with him, and he did!

What the hell? Does he want to die? Maybe the introduction of the bullet will make him smarter. I don’t think there’s anything to lose. Sometimes I wonder if stuff like this is a joke. Sadly, it’s not.

Why are these people having kids?

Lately, I can’t stop seeing stories of parents who don’t seem to have the first clue how to take care of their kids’ most basic needs. Let’s count the things I’ve seen in the past couple weeks.

There’s this 63-year-old idiot who left an 11-month old girl, they say it’s hers, in a hot car while she went into a store, and then stayed in the store for an hour because there were too many good bargains! To top it off, when the paramedics told her to give her dehydrated and practically frying child something to drink, she tried to give her a bottle of spoiled formula!

I can’t count the problems I have with this story. First off, This woman was 63! She should know better! Next, if this kid is hers, she had to go to some lengths to get this kid. Either she had to force her body to reproduce again, or she had to adopt the kid. Why in christ would she then go and be so negligent? Finally, why didn’t the story end with Child Protective Services being involved? All it says is she was charged, and someone bailed her out, I assume to take care of the kid again. Just dandy.

If that wasn’t enough, I saw a story in which a woman got pulled over for DUI, and the police officer found her two kids sitting amid trash and cockroaches in the back of her car. Oh yeah, and they were also covered in their own urine and feces.

Then there’s always the woman who decided it would be a grand plan to let her baby drive her car, well I guess that isn’t quite true, the mom was working the gas and brakes. But anyway, they hit a pickup truck, and the occupants of said truck needed the jaws of life to extricate them. Apparently the mom wasn’t taking some meds for some kind of mental illness, and it was showing, because she said she let her drive because it felt like the right thing to do in her heart. Uh-huh, and you should have kids why? I was surprised she wasn’t charged with something. Meds or no meds, letting your kid work the wheel of your car is negligence!

Wait, there’s more! Some idiot father decided to leave his 3 and 7-year-old sons in the car while he played poker, but “the air conditioning was on so what was the problem?” How about the fact that you shouldn’t be playing poker while you have your kids, dumbass.

I know this one’s old, but I think it fits here. One night back in March of 2006, at 1 a.m. or so, a Kansas dad thought he could pop into a strip club in Tulsa and leave his four-year-old son in the unlocked car next to a four-lane highway for over a half an hour. The kid got out and wandered in to the club to find daddy. What the heck was he doing out with the kid at 1 in the morning? Hopefully the kid’s mom had some sense and made it so stuff like that wouldn’t happen again.

And if you’re not depressed enough, here’s the last story I’ve heard recently. A couple who can’t get enough dungeons and dragons chose to play the game rather than feed their kids. They even had the food in the house, they just didn’t give it to the kids. By the time the kids were discovered, one kid could barely walk, and the other kid had only gained 4 pounds in almost a year and couldn’t cry or urinate because she was so dehydrated! What shocks me is it took them several days before they actually removed the kids.

I know there are horror stories like these all the time. It just seems like I saw a whole pile of them together. But if this keeps going, we’re doomed.

Have a Holly USB Christmas

Wow, USB gadgets are making a further descent into tackyville. You can now get a His ‘n’ Hers USB gift set.

Wanna know what’s in the men’s set? A mini vacuum cleaner with brush, why in hell you would wire a vacuum up to a computer I don’t know, a desk lamp, a cup warmer and a mood light pen holder whatever that is.

Now, for absolutely tacktastic, the women’s set has the vacuum and pen holder, but they get a fan and lighted mirror and it comes in, how did the author put it? “A feminine-apparently-shade of plastic pink?” Ooo! Sounds like a must have, doesn’t it? Not.

Ug, the inventor of the first USB gadget created a monster.