Should They Keep their Little Girl Little?

This is just scary, and something about it rubs me the wrong way.

Parents of a 9-year-old girl named Ashley, who refuse to be identified but have no problem putting Ashley’s picture everywhere, have decided that she shouldn’t grow anymore, so have started pumping her full of hormones and putting her through surgeries to prevent her from getting any bigger than 4 feet five inches and 75 pounds.

This is their story. She has a condition called static encephalopathy. This means she is severely mentally handicapped and can’t walk or talk, or keep her head up, roll over or sit up by herself. So this will make it easier for them to take her on outings if she’s easier to carry.

This is what has been done to her. She has had a hysterectomy, surgery to prevent breast growth and subsequent high doses of estrogen to slow her growth.

Ok, I get that it would be hard to care for her if she can’t sit up or do anything on her own, but what I’m worried about is what all this estrogen and hormone therapy will do to her in the long term. They may be able to carry her, but she may end up with cancer or who knows what else? Wouldn’t it just be simpler to have a little more care in the house than to completely and utterly mess with her body? I’m sure the expense would equal out to be about the same.

I just don’t like their attitude. Like I said before, they have pictures of her and they black out everyone else, they refuse to have an interview, but they’ll send emails to reporters, they have a website where they only have material that supports their side of things, and there’s something that just doesn’t sit right with me. Maybe they’re the most loving couple in the world, but they look like publicity hounds who like to give us the appearance that they care for their daughter so people will see them as heroes. It reminds me of another kid I knew. She was deaf and blind, couldn’t talk and was in a wheelchair. Her parents would go on TV talking about how much they loved her and would do anything for her, but send her to school dirty, in crappy clothes and tell her caregivers they were employed to make their tea. We could only imagine that the reason they kept her around was so they could profit from a settlement she got since her condition was due to a car accident.

Let’s just hope Ashley, their “pillow angel” as they call her because she never moves from where they put her, usually on a pillow, doesn’t develop any unexpected side-effects from these body modifications they’ve done to her. I just feel kinda sick now.

The Bad Idea Fairy Visited Me Again

If you’re like us and enjoy reading about goofy or downright stupid things that people have invented, then you’ll probably get a kick out of
this piece from Wired Magazine
about some of the dumbest things ever created.

The article features among other things a human powered helicopter pogo stick, underwear with airbags in them, and glasses for people who only have one eye that will try to make it look as though the person actually has 2.

Have fun.

Ooo! Look at the Doggy!

God it’s nice to be home, and settling back in with the pooch. She’s so fast, and people are always startled at how fast we can motor. Somebody asked me if she had a slow button. That made me laugh, because at the time she asked, I didn’t even think we were zooming that quickly. But I notice that what used to take me 10 minutes now takes me 3.

But it’s always a bit of an adjustment to deal with the public and the querky things they do as soon as there’s a dog involved. I swear, just bring a dog into the room and you could conduct a study on social behaviour. Then you find out who in the group are the mature ones, and who are easy to turn into little children.

Where should I begin? I guess with the way conversation shifts as soon as people see us, er, actually, as soon as people see Trixie. As I’m getting on the bus, I notice that the general conversation changes from “nice weather…look at that guy with the weird hair…so did you hear that story on the news..” to “dog…dog…dog…doggy!…what a nice dog…labs are so cute…etc. I always know it’s coming, it can just be a little overwhelming sometimes.

Then there are the strange people that seem to be drawn to me. I used to get on a bus and sit down and not much would be said to me, except for the usual stuff, and occasionally someone would ask me a million questions about blindness. Now people work to sit beside me just so they can be close to the pooch. Sometimes, it’s an average joe, but most times, it’s the world’s biggest freak! I had one guy sit down beside me and then tell me his age and start to flirt with me and tell me all about how he got married, got divorced six years later, and how girls don’t seem to stay around…and how old might I be? Yuckers. Come on bus, either dump me or him off!

Another goof sat down beside me and decided to talk to me about all the different TV shows that had dogs in them. We had to talk about the Littlest Hobo, Lassie, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Rin Tin Tin, Scooby Doo, anything with a dog in it. I know the dog can be a conversation piece, but…this is a little much!

Now let’s jump straight to the concept of not petting the guide dog when it’s working. Ok, I get that some people, through some bizarre chain of events or the fact that they’re three years old, don’t know that this is a standard thing. I have no problem educating them on this. I tell them that the dog has to focus, and if it’s trying to earn pets from random passers-by, that will likely overrule what the dog is supposed to do, i.e. make sure I don’t do a face-plant into a planter or have a not so nice collision with traffic. They usually understand and apologize. If I’m lucky, people will ask *before* they start malling Trixie.

But here’s something to really get me steamed. A guy, while talking to me, plants his hand squarely on Trixie and starts petting her. To stop him, I reach down and put my hand over his and ask him nicely to stop. This is his response. “I know we’re not supposed to pet them while they’re working, but…” But what? Please tell me what the but is. But they’re too cute? show some self-control! Do you walk up to a cute baby and start patting its head? What other possible reasons could there be? But they don’t get enough attention and I think it’s cruel? Does this dog look miserable? I’ve been told she even wags her tail while working. Trust me, she gets lots of attention. I’ve always loved Trixie, I love dogs, otherwise I wouldn’t have done this, and every time I go on a walk with her, I love her more and more, so on top of the praise she gets while she’s working, she gets oodles of attention when we’re home. These people have to realize that they’re slowly putting me in danger by petting the cute puppy.

Then some people, while trying to direct me where to go, try and grab Trixie’s leash and use it like a bridle and bit. No, although that looks like the easy way, it’s not the way to go. she’s not a horse, give me the directions and I’ll tell the dog. Or, they go, “Here Trixie, here doggy!” I know they mean well and think this is good, but that’s about as dangerous as petting the dog because it distracts the poor dog from leading me and listening to me. And I don’t want her to start coming to random people who walk by and say, “here, puppy.”

And what is with people’s compulsion to call the dog a he even though I’ve said she’s a she several times? Next time a girl says “isn’t he cute?” after I’ve said “her name is Trixie” or “she’s wonderful,” I’m going to call the girl “sir” to get the point across.

It’s also funny to watch people’s first reaction when they see her. They either start jibbering at us, even if we’re crossing a street, or you hear them take a breath in and watch in silence as we go by. It’s kind of cute to watch.

Three common questions I get, and their answers:

1. “Did you get her from the CNIB?” No. I know that it would make sense that the CNIB would do the guide dog thing, but they don’t. They like to stay neutral and not affiliate with guide dog schools. So no one gets their dog from the CNIB.

2. “Doesn’t the dog interpret the traffic lights and read the street signs?” Nope, knowing when it’s safe to cross and knowing where I’m going are my parts of the deal. She just tries to make sure I don’t become road pizza or slam into poles on the way there.

3. “How old is she? She must be only six months old!” Nope, she’s 2. She’s small, but so am I. That’s as big as she’s going to get.

I think that’s it. I’m sure I’ll have more stories as we go. One thing about having a guide woofer, life is never dull.

Now, There are Telescreens!

*rumble rumble rumble*. What’s that sound? I’m not sure, but I think it’s originating from George Orwell’s grave. Yes, george Orwell is rolling over, and over, and over again! Why? Because in the UK, the CCTV’s that Big Brother, er, police can use to watch and listen to you as you go down the street can now yell at disorderly passers-by. It is, it is, 1984. Everyone, stay away from the UK!

All I Wanna Do Is Wipe My Bum

Let me start this off by saying that if it weren’t for ideas that sounded crazy but actually worked, our world would be a much different place than it is today. But that said, not every crazy idea turns out to be a good one, and as much as some may want to argue, sometimes you can spot a bad one from miles away.

Such is the case with a recent suggestion
put forward
by Sheryl Crow, who on a recent climate change awareness tour proposed that toilet paper use be limited to 1 square per visit. No, I’m not making this up.

“I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating,” she writes.

“One of my favorites is in the area of conserving trees, which we heavily rely on for oxygen.

“I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.… We can make it work with only one square per restroom visit.”

Crow acknowledges there could be occasions when the one-square limit might not suffice, such as “on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required.”

She writes that when she presented the idea to her younger brother, he went a step further, suggesting that people could “just wash the one square out.”

I wonder if it ever dawned on her that her brother might have been making fun of her like brothers tend to do from time to time. I get the sense that he’s not though, and if that’s so, I might have to curl up in a ball and sob until I dehydrate.

There are so many flaws in this plan that I’m not sure where to begin. Perhaps the 1-square limit would be a good place to start. Who wipes with only one square, and how? Those squares are so small and flimsy that they’re barely good enough to stand up to a single pass let alone the 3 or 4 it usually takes to sufficiently clear the debris. And what about the ladies? Isn’t wiping out 2 places with the same shit ticket a bit of an infection risk even if you do try to wash out the square? Speaking of which, is there a lot of drug use in the Crow family or am I just using the wrong kind of toilet paper? In case you haven’t noticed, liquid and butt wipe go together about as well as Sheryl Crow and a decent song after the mid 1990’s.

Not all of her ideas are bad. I kind of like the one about the detachable sleeve that you can use as a napkin when you eat so you don’t have to use paper towels. But I know dumb when I see it, and until there’s a good alternative to toilet paper, this is dumb.

How Long Until People Start Getting Addicted To The Shower?

Soap gives caffeine kick

Here’s a free piece of advice. If you regularly feel so rushed that you find yourself having to choose between having a coffee or having a shower, and if you think even for a minute that Caffeinated soap might just be the answer to your problems, it might be time to slow things down a tad.

AttenTV: A Great Idea If You’re A Creep, A Loser Or Just Don’t Have Any Respect For Yourself And Your Privacy

Can somebody please tell me where the appeal is in
this?

I’ll break it down quickly for the benefit of those of you who don’t have time to read a long article.

A new service called AttenTV allows people to download a browser plug-in that will record and broadcast their clickstreams for others to watch. If you don’t know what a clickstream is, it’s a record of everything you click on while you’re on the internet. And if you don’t know what watching is, well, I’m afraid there’s little to no hope for you.

I know what some of you are thinking right now, and yes, this is what it sounds like and yes, I’m pretty sure we did used to call things like it spyware back in the day. There are differences between AttenTV and spyware, though not many from where I sit. It reportedly won’t show password protected content, you can turn it off and on as well as filter out specific sites, and you have to download it yourself. but the big question I have is why would you want to?

First of all, you have no idea who’s watching you. Did I miss the memo about cyberstalking no longer being a problem? And why would you want to turn yourself into big brother, or if not big brother, then pesky neighbourhood gossip who seems to know a little something about everybody?

And those questions don’t even begin to address the issue of why anybody who doesn’t have any creepy intentions would care what you’re looking at, or why you would think they would. Trust me, you’re neither that important or exciting. And to anybody who would actually want to watch somebody surf the internet, please, go outside and walk around in the world, or at the very least pick up the phone and talk to another human being until you regain your senses and maybe even figure out how and where your life went so horribly, horribly wrong.

The people behind the AttenTV concept, who are obviously angling to turn it into a money-making venture, like to say that it’s no different than visiting a website and having that website place a cookie on your machine. What I feel I can safely discern from this line of reasoning is that the people behind the AttenTV concept haven’t a clue how cookies actually work. I’ll break that one down too. When you visit a site, it will put a cookie on your machine. However, that cookie will not log everything you do after it gets there and share it with anyone who asks. Basically, a cookie is a little “hey how’s it goin'” between you and the website you went to, while AttenTV is more of a “hey universe, check out what Steve’s lookin’ at in snappy detail!”

When you think about all of the different aspects of this idea, you’re still left with the same big question. Why would you want to? Why would you want to expose your internet comings and goings to the entire world? Why would you want to give up more of your privacy for the financial gain of others who’s aim is to help advertisers serve you more ads? And why would you want to entrust that kind of data to people who don’t know the difference between spyware and a cookie? I don’t know about you, but I don’t, and even though I’ve never used the “service”, it looks like a loser on all counts to me and I probably never will.

I Apologize For Every Newfy Joke I’ve Ever Made

Honestly, I do. I’ve met a pretty good number of Newfoundlanders in my life, and almost all of them have been some of the nicest people you could ever hope to run into, and I don’t even mean with your car. And no matter what people say about them, I haven’t met a single Newfy who could come close to being as retarded as these folks from Arkansas, or as I used to call it until today, Newfoundland South.

What you’re about to read came to me in 2 different emails from 2 different places less than 10 minutes apart. I’d find that a lot stranger if stuff like that didn’t happen to me all the time, but it’s still something I laugh at and wonder about whenever it happens.

First we have a news article about a religious nutcake who wants people to be fired and $20000 in cash because his teenaged sons found a book about lesbians in a *public* library and were traumatized by it.

A Bentonville, Ark., man is seeking $20,000 from the city after his two teenage sons found a book on lesbian sex on a public library bookshelf.

He also wants the library director fired.

Earl Adams said his 14- and 16-year-old sons were “greatly disturbed” after finding the book, titled “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book.” Adams said the book caused “many sleepless nights in our house.”

Adams said the book is “patently offensive and lacks any artistic, literary or scientific value,” according to a letter he faxed to Mayor Bob McCaslin. He said the teenagers found it while browsing for material on military academies.

Adams wants the city to pay $10,000 to each of his sons. That’s the maximum allowed under the Arkansas obscenity law. However, the city’s attorney dismissed Adams’ claim as baseless. She said the book is not pornographic.

“There is not a valid legal concern here,” Camille Thompson said. “In fact, (the request for money) made me question his motivation.”

The library’s advisory board voted earlier this month to remove the book from circulation. Board member George Spence said he found the book crude, but said it could be replaced with one taking a “more sensitive, more clinical approach.”

In an e-mail Thursday, Adams said that “God was speaking to my heart that day and helped me find the words that proved successful in removing this book from the shelf.”

He said he would fight any effort to put the book back on shelves.

“Any effort to reinstate the book will be met with legal action and protests from the Christian community,” Adams wrote in the e-mail.

I know this probably won’t help matters any, but here’s my small and dare I say noble effort to prevent this type of confusion from happening in the future.

pub·lic   
[puhb-lik]
–adjective
1.
of, pertaining to, or affecting a population or a community as a whole: public funds; a public nuisance.
3.
open to all persons: a public meeting.
4.
of, pertaining to, or being in the service of a community or nation, esp. as a government officer: a public official.
5.
maintained at the public expense and under public control: a public library; a public road.
8.
open to the view of all; existing or conducted in public: a public dispute.
10.
of or pertaining to all humankind; universal.
–noun
11.
the people constituting a community, state, or nation.
12.
a particular group of people with a common interest, aim, etc.: the book-buying public.

Taken from Dictionary.com.

Hopefully we’ve all got this straight now. The public is not just you, the public is all of us. You do not speak for the public, at least not all of it. So unless you want to build your own private libraries or start your own private broadcasting facilities, shut the fuck up and accept the fact that like it or not, everybody is the public and we’re all just a little bit different. Everything done for the public good is about striking the right balance, which does not mean that every crackpot gets exactly what he wants when he wants it. Every crackpot has the right to a voice, but the rest of us have an equal right to ignore that voice. It’s one of those things that makes the society you think you’re protecting with your what’s good for me is good for everybody else attitude so great.

Speaking of voices we should be ignoring, here’s a letter that Randy Cassingham dug out of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette and posted on Jumbo Joke. By the way, where it says warning in the headline, it’s supposed to say warming. The letter was posted on April 16th, and nobody from the crack editing staff has fixed it yet. then again, that might explain how something this stupid could make it into a newspaper.

Daylight exacerbates warning*

You may have noticed that March of this year was particularly hot. As a matter of fact, I understand that it was the hottest March since the beginning of the last century. All of the trees were fully leafed out and legions of bugs and snakes were crawling around during a time in Arkansas when, on a normal year, we might see a snowflake or two. This should come as no surprise to any reasonable person. As you know, Daylight Saving Time started almost a month early this year. You would think that members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of daylight would have on our climate. Or did they ? Perhaps this is another plot by a liberal Congress to make us believe that global warming is a real threat. Perhaps next time there should be serious studies performed before Congress passes laws with such far-reaching effects.

CONNIE M. MESKIMEN / Hot Springs

When I was first reading all of this stuff, the only thing I could think was you know, the next time the Americans feel like bombing someplace back to the dark ages, why not consider Arkansas? But the more I think about it, there’s probably no point. Judging from what I’ve seen today, they’re already there.

Talk to the Twin

Wow. This is just weird. An Australian company called MyCyberTwin.com has come up with a program that is an artificial intelligence and can chat to your friends for you. Then, you can read what your friend and this twin said later.

Process that for a while. There are enough people who go online, but find the conversations so monotonous that they’d rather have a machine talk to their friends for them so they can do better things. It even says you can program the twin to answer repetitive questions like “Are you and so and so really an item?” In my opinion, if you’re having so many conversations on autopilot like some kind of zombie, that means it’s time to get new friends!

There is a cool side to this program, if used by businesses. It would mean faster responses to common questions.

I’d like to talk to one of these and see how person-like it is. I’ve talked to chatterbots before, ***oh no, I’ve just proclaimed my geekhood***, and you can tell they’re a bot. They say some amusing things, but nothing that you’d say realistically in a conversation. This company claims they’re not perfect, but better than most bots. I’m curious.

I’m waiting for the day when people don’t block people anymore, they just leave the annoying person to talk to their CyberTwin, and read the logs later and laugh. Now that I think about it, that might be kind of fun.